Drama...

Yesterday, I had a staff meeting in RIPAS in the afternoon. I thought I'd be clever and stay in bandar in the morning as well (after getting permission), so i carefully packed everything into bags. Remember, I have the drill in the morning, and meeting in the afternoon, meeting on saturday and tutong on Monday, hence... i had more bags than when i go on holidays and it wasn't much of a suprise when i left one in Kuala Belait... Hence, I had to drive to kuala belait to get the bag for the meeting.

To let time passes me by, I took both the kids, Azra and Hannah for a ride. They were excited. It helped to tell them i have pencils, colour pencils and paper as well as toys waiting for them in Kuala Belait ;)

IT was an eventful drive. The kids didn't get on my nerves :) they were actually quite good. When we arrived in the clinic, they were an immediate hit. They played nice. They drew me drawings, wrote on the white board, played with they toys and had a tea party... with wooden stick toys... They let me do work most of the time!

We had a HUGE lunch.. the kids worked themselves an appetite... we had lunch at KFC and takeaways from Sugarbun. On top of that, we had drinks and 'keropok' snacks for the trip back.

The trip back was quiet. they were still hyper from the trip, and so i used the trick my dad used to use on us to SHUT US UP!... the fire in Seria and Lumut... the natural gas burners... well.. i told them giants live in the area and they have to be quiet and behave themselves... and so, they slept themselves to a nice silence...

then, just this morning, we started on the workings of OUR own home, far from the hustle and bustle of the nearby towns... We watched a movie last night; THE HOLIDAY (A must see - i love it! I miss UK!) and it ended at 1 pm. It was also raining heavily... so we drove slowly... then... we had to wake up at 3 plus for the house thingy... I thought I would stay awake, but the next thing i knew... my sister was pushing me and it was 4..

Things went smooth... and i hav pictures of yesterday and today... I'll post pictures soon... Sigh... TUTONG tomorrow; but one thing good about tomorrow, is I am having lunch with Baharin :)

Busy day...

I have been informed, last week, that there is going to be a disaster drill exercise organised by BSP, involving Suri Seri begawan Hospital. The Clinical Support staffs are to mann the Information Center, and for this exercise, it would be located in the surgical ward.

Since the head of the clinical support in SSBH is onleave, to sit for her exam, she has been replaced by our Medical Social Worker. And, she has organised the team into different work/groups. I was in-charge of announcing to the public about the exercise (NO ONE VOLUNTEERED FOR THIS TASK) and also the jotter of info on the great big whiteboard in the the central info center!

We were also informed that this was to be carried out in the morning, this week, on any one day from MOnday to Thursday. Since the last three days had been quiet, we all assume it would be today! Everybody was prepared. We (THe clinical support staff) also had the opportunity to run through our plan, and had a look around the hospital to confirm our roles through out the hospital yesterday afternoon. Thank GOD we did that, because apparently a lot of things are different! and changing! we had to further split ourselves to accomodate everything!

On top of being an information center, we were told that it would also be the place where families would go to, to ask for their loved ones. Occasionally, while waiting for their loved ones to be located, we have to "look" after them... which may include some compasion and psychology and counselling skills.

So, here we were.. ready for things to proceed... and our watches showed 10 am... and still no sign... and hence, we assume the drill was over... then we were informed that BSP has a real FIRE break... he he he... we all went back to our dept to resume work.. half an hour later.. the drill continued... we started late... oh boy... its going to be a long day!

so first, i had to do the announcement... may i add, i did a great job :) the staffs loved my voice... ;) plus it was clear and concise... ;) he he he... 1 point for me...

then... we had our patients... the patients were slow to pour into our accident and emergency... we waited long... and when they arrived.,,, information as not easily attained... our 'people' at the A&E could not get proper info. they kept being given info like player 1, player 2, Dummy 11... BUT familys kept on asking for "amir" or "Joseph"... Its FRUSTRATING!

And then, the hospital staffs failed to get details of the patients.. like NAME, AGE, IC, Address, Contact number and more... its really annoying, since they SHOULD have done it anyways with ANY patients... its PROCEDURE!!!!!

But these are the problems... We managed to get 6 patients from 10:30pm till 1:30 pm. We even managed to keep track of them through out the hospital - which is an achievement. The "actresses" waiting for thier husbands to turn up were good... and one particular lady really gave us a hard time. Since she was unconsolable... I had to invite her to sit... hold her hand and shoulders... and tried to be sympathetic and understanding at the same time reassuring, There were one brief moment where i smiled because i knew i was doing good, she saw, and complained... all my efforts down the drain :P At the end of the drill, she came looking for me specifically... saying i have done great... he he he... another point for me...

But overall... it had been a good exercise... There are obvious areas for improvements, but we know better next time. Considering this is my first drill in BRUNEI DARUSSALAM, I have done BRILLIANTLY!

I rushed to Bandar Seri Begawan soon after the drill is over, as i have a meeting at 2, at Unit Pendidikan Khas (Special Education Unit). I did not want to miss this meeting as i have to represent patients in both Tutong and KB! It would a shame to miss them... They would have no voice... andi have a lot of questions about things they are doing... and support teachers/school is giving my patients particularly!

I have to say i was quite forceful with my ideas... I was clear with my needs and things that are lacking with support in school... I don't think they like it very much.... but such problems need to be addressed...

overall... both the morning and afternoon sessions went well... i have achieved much today :) and felt happy with what i have done... busy busy day :) but very fulfilling.... I felt I have accomplished a lot... I have not felt so vibrant in a long while...

'LOCKED IN' State

Today, I was re-referred a patient in the male medical ward. Previously, like a few days ago, he was sent to ICU - he started choking, unresponsive and his state was just deteriorating and hence was warrented to be moved for emergency procedures in ICU. While he was there, he was referred to me... I obviously rejected the referral as he was unresponsive and advised the doctors to re-refer when he is much better.

Today, mid-morning, the male medical ward called me up. He has been re-referred for a swallowing assessment. I asked the nurse who called if the patient is alert or drowsy... He was unable to answered and shifted the call to someone else. I suspect its a doctor, but he has never identified himself.

Anyways, I re-assured the man that I would visit the patient before the end of the day. I almost forgotten,but i went anyways, whilst all others went home.

Before assessing the patient, I took his medical file and started reading. BOY OH BOY.... I read 'LOCKED IN'... "BLINKING"... "YES AND NO"... COMMUNICATING.... my heart raced... Do you know what this means?

This was a normal man... had a stroke which resulted in him having physical impairments but able to communicate.... then he had an episode in the wards... sent off to ICU... got better and transfered back to the normal medical ward... and now... he is unable to say anything but able to understand... he is communicating to us using his eyes to say 'YES' and "NO'.... hence... he is a man... LOCKED inside himsef... I was excited...

Sadly, he was in a poor state... so I have to give him a few more days to recover before he is safe for a swallowing assessment and reliable communication skills assessments .. Shall i keep you all updated with his?

LOCKED IN people... do you understand this?? Sigh... I think this may be my first case in Brunei... LOCKED IN... how exciting!!!

"SOME OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FOR FREE"

1. Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

2. Who calls you back when you hang up on him.

3. Who wi! ll stay awake just to watch you sleep.

4. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.

5. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

6. Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

7. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares abo! ut you and how lucky he is to have you.

8. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."


From an email someone sent me...

pictures of some kids

I tried to post more pictures of Azra, Marsya and hannah but inda mau rotate nicely,... its so frustrating using apple ani.. skajap mau..skjap inda mau... sigh.. but i hope you enjoy them!

local vs abroad education... Staying Vs Moving... thinking aloud...

I was talking to a friend on MSN briefly when she asked me if i had been invited to an old high school friend's wedding. I informed her that i had known about it from my sister whom went to the local university with her and is a fellow teacher, but I wasn't invited... and I am not keen on wedding ceremonies anyways.. Plus I am in KB so i have many excuses..

But for this friend, they were good friends in high school... I seem to remember they were everywhere together... sat together... learnt together... occasionally eat togehter in the school canteen...

She felt sadden to be left out, and i know just the feeling... and hence advised her not to think too much into it... I have been through a lot of this experiences to learn that we should not think about such little things in to much detail.. Its depressing..

I studied away from home... where as most of my high school friends studied locally.. hence their bond only get stronger and stronger through the same experiences they share together... plus they have the comforts of numerous friends in their vicinity... For me... though some considered me lucky to have gained scholarship from the government not a lot of people have, one true disadvantage is the lost of friendships...

I mean, a lot of us do not feel it necessary to keep in touch with each other.. even writing slow mail is painful to most. At that time, internet was such a new thing.. not everyone has an email or acccess to internet... hence, that was not a means of communication...

When I was there, i only have a handful of local friends... and its not always easy to make friends with new people hence friends with the 'orang putih' were countable as well... (I meant REAL friends)... Where as, people who studied locally, they keep their relationships stronger... and know a lot of people since there is only one local university where everyone goes...

When I came back during summer or back for good, i realised that my friendship with my high school friends have been severed through distance, time and different experiences we all go through. The same goes to friends that are in the same distant country i was studying in... funny thing is I always felt that i have never been accepted and embraced... Its as if, i am a different breed, just because i studied out of the country,.. or that i do not seem to understand or grasp how the 'group' would like me to act in different social dos...

It was difficult to try and understand their conversation... or even try to know everyone in their social book as I do not know anyone... Try as i did, i still felt left behind...

Slowly and eventually, we lost touch... do not speak to each other... and forget about each other... Each are busy with each's life and work commitment and families,... its like we do not have time for each other... It saddens me... I really felt left out... for many years, the only friends i have are my work friends... and i can't talk to them about work! so i turn to my family... and family occasionally do not understand... so i learn to keep things to myself, and depend on myself, and brainstorm on my own, until recently, a few of my uni friends kept in touch... occasionally... life was so sad that i even email my lecturers sometimes for advice...

Life for me was really at a low... and then... one by one of my friends seems to be getting hitched... and i never seem to be invited or informed... and it was then... along with work problems, i hit an all time LOW...

But once you reach your bottom low, there is no where but to go up... and here I am... through invisible relationships with several, though not often but encouraging friends, family members as well as my Uni friends and flatmates... blogging helps..

I often thought, if i get such a bad treatment in my birth land, why bother staying... I have often though of going back 'home' - city where i studied.... but Home is home... and it can never change... Yes, things sucks much here... but it is home.. and most importantly, this is where my family is... not to mention my back loan!

so yes, even through harship, this is where i would be staying for a while... until....

my first social do...

Its the end of my 3 month in Kuala Belait... and i have recieved many social invitations... but due to other commitments, i was unable to attend all of them... but, I made my first appearance tonight. One of the muslim doctor (Haji Ansahari) celebrated his daughter's marriage in Brunei... and all the hospital staff were invited.. plus indian doctors from Bandar... as well as administrators going to the Ministry level...

We were served indian food and it was delicious - buffet style... and its safe to say.. melayu will be melayu, no matter where we are... berabut kan makan...

the wedding reception was held in KB, BSRC or something... anyways... i took some picturess... so enjoy...



The bride and groom


Label of the club


The bush in the shape of a bunny

some pictures of kapal belia..

more ppictures on a later date...

Trip to the dentist!

There are several things i hate in life, and one of them is visiting the dentist. I have this vivid memory of a child ushered to the dentist's room to pull my teeth! I wasn't sure what was wrong with it, but, yup, it was pulled out.

I distinctively remember i was giving everyone a hard time. Who blame me, I was SACRED! (May i add, i must have been 4 or less) I was kicking and screaming. The doctor (Male) had to pull me down into the dentist chair! and the assistant had to extract my teeth out, while my mum was at the side watching it happen. (She just got back from UK)

Since then, i only go to see them if I have to, like when i was in Primary six (1988), i had one teeth extracted - decay. Again, when i got my scholarship (1996), in 2000 i had a medical check up, and then in 2003 my monthly paid check up, last year when Jackie graciously offered the family a check up, and few months ago when my teeth were sensitive to chew food on.

Since the last time, I was given an appointment, and it happened to be today. I was to have my last molar on the upper left side specifically cleaned and filled permanently (I was to have a filling!). (I had to call jackie for this word - mental block!)

The doctor happens to be a nice man... I was really scared... Of course, I pretended not to be and brought along a funny book to de-stress me, breathe heavily and such, but we both know that i was stressed in the chair, and was very tense. I also forgotten to breathe until he told me to! which was embarrassing since he knew that i was staff!

Anyways, he told me long ago that i needed a filling and since it was sensitive, i might need a little 'injection' to make it numb and less painful. I didn't think much after the temporary filling - so i went along...

As i was waiting for my turn, i didn't think much as well... it was only when he brought and talked as he almost did the procedure, and i saw the metal injection near my face, i panicked...

i struggled in my seat, attempted to sit up, jiggled and moved... catch my breath and then slip back into the chair... as if nothing happened... this time, with my eyes closed... not totally... both the dentist and his assistant was shocked to see what i did... i gave them a 'harsh' laugh... OH MY GOD! I really can crawl under my bed now from embarrassment!

The injection didn't hurt... he was really gentle... that was very nice... and no matter how hard he push or dig, it didn't hurt... so i was quite happy... then... as i lying in the chair, I saw my reflection on the dentist's plastic face protector!

and guess what i did... yup! I started at it... it was only when he stopped briefly that i realised that i was staring into his eyes! Ha ha ha.... I looked away!!!

ha ha ha... Maybe i should stick to family dentist only!! And this time, i shall try to make it a point to see them twice a year! i shall put it in my diary!

that is my dentist trip- i have to say i was very brave... the last time i went to see a dentist, to make a mould for an EPG equipment, i was pushed and pulled into the dentist's room! ha ha ha... and was sweating like a pig!

and so... family members, come forward with your horror stories and experiences while in the dentist's chair!

TESTING...

If you like this style of presenting pictures, please leave comments!

New picture upload...

single-dom!

I attended this free course organized by the mental health unit of RIPAS – its main topic is Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). And the invited speaker is Dr. Aili from Malaysia whom also happens to be an associate professor in one of the leading Universities in Malaysia…

Anyways… We were about to talk about children and families with ADHD when the opening speech given by the head of the organizing team asked the public to show hands – singles, raise your hands. I didn’t of course, thinking they would want us singles to do something the married ones refused to do… HOW TYPICAL! And I wasn’t surprised when a lot of us didn’t raise hands… anyways… He said… “for those of you who are single, don’t get married. And to those, whom have made the mistake of marrying, don’t have kids!”

A lot of us laughed… but I kept thinking on the above statement… Truths are every where… and some truth is present in this vague sentence.

A lot of us get married because we are “IN LOVE”, and as result of that, we bear children – but MOST of us are unprepared financially, mentally, socially, physically, emotionally to have kids, but it doesn’t stop us! BUT married people often give a lot of thought about what car to buy, or where to build their personal haven but not kids. To them, having kids is just NORMAL PROGRESSION, a milestone to achieve… And yet, the singlesss think of the above more, and probably made the right move for themselves by not getting married or having kids because they know they may be unable to provide wholly to the child..

Yet, it is always the singlesss that get attacked! Like they are immature enough for an adult relationship, or unable to keep or find a partner and more… its time we look at the mentality of the married ones… are they mature enough to BE married and LEGAL in the full sense to have and raise KIDS?

new picture update

Below are pictures of Aunty Nor and Azra. These were taken the same night Bungsu had her open house. I picked them up on the way there. More family pictures for all to enjoy...

and, feel free to comment. I thought, the picture of Azra alone reminded me of Baby, my youngest sister when she was of younger of similar age. What do you all think?

Update...

I hope people are much happier now that some pictures of the family is up on the blog.
Though, I was too lazy, not to mention sleepy to make comments for each picture.

During my absence from writing in the blog, lots of little things come across my mind to blog. But somehow, after a few days of not writing down the creative juice, it dried up… and now I am left to wonder and thinking hard what it was I was excited to write about… and the harder I try to write, the drier my thoughts become…

So instead to disappoint you all, I shall do something I usually do not do, UPDATE rather than write about something!

So what had happened? I want to write down all the juicy stuff, but since, this is a public blog, I do not want undesired ‘readers’ to know more than they should… so interested people should really email or call, if you think there is a point that feels or needs elaboration. So here goes:

1. I have moved to Kuala Belait and have been living with my uncle; Selina’s dad. Initially I thought it was an arrangement that would get bad, but I was overtly pessimistic. The living condition is CALM, though the interior design can do better, but I will not complaint! I also have the comforts of my own room, my own toilet, my own kitchen, espeed newly installed and TV to myself most of the time!

2. I am looking after 2 clinics, namely one in Kuala Belait and one in Tutong. Its difficult to be working on your own, in the sense that you have to be everything. All the work has to be done by yourself, from writing minutes, to photocopying and arranging transport matters. It would be nice to have a hand in some matters, but this is yet to come following a discussion. However, how long I have to wait is a game we all play…

3. Fasting month came and went like a breeze. It was nice to have shorter working time. I was cooking almost everyday except when I was around the comforts of my own home, where someone else is cooking! Or eating out! I even managed to get my uncle, the fussy eater, to eat some of the suff that I was cooking  and amazingly enough, he eats them… it’s a compliment really. Now that fasting month is over, I shall try again… maybe it won’t work!

4. I have lost some weight... not much… but am trying to keep it up. I am not quite sure what contributes to this, but it has to be the housework, and most importantly, being lonely! And eating alone. I lost weight the first year of Uni as well, because I wasn’t in the mood to eat by myself, or eat my own cooking!

5. Family day. As suggested by Wina, one of the cousins, we had our family day out. We went to Red Canapy, Batu Bersurat. I have only been there twice with one same person, so it was nice to add memories to a nice place. We were using the internet. Fooling around and more. The second family outing was eating ambuyat as sungkai at Aminah Arief, Kiulap. The next family outing is to be scheduled, as a lot of us are busy with our own plans during this festive month. More updates on that…

6. Kak Neza hurt her ‘bum’ during puasa, making her teary even to sit down. But with nenek’s magic hands, the pain subsided… however, hearing a heavily pregnant woman howling in pain is not a nice memory to keep!

7. Bungsu’s hari raya party is this weekend… so you all will know more about that part of the story much later… I hinted that I may avoid the place, since it would be crowded with people whom are virus carrier, and myself just recovering from it,… I was reprimanded! Ha ha ha ha…

8. I was invited by a patient of mine to his house for hari raya personally. The parents had to call me several times to confirm this… I finally consented last night… I was a model in the house… pictures every few seconds… and food was nice… mum is an excellent cook  I tried to bring my uncle to the open house, but was rejected..

9. Kak Nana and Aunty Nor went to Sabarin’s open house… *wink* Anyone interested to know what daddy said to me?

10. I, somehow, managed to hurt my hand. The orthopaedics said I have golfer’s elbows. The Physiotherapist said I had acute soft tissue damage… and John said my hands bengkak-muscle stress… I am on strong pain killer which I stopped myself as it was giving me severe gastric pain +++. I still go to see the physiotherapist to continue with treatment… and I also go to see John as I trust him to be my miracle angle – he fixed my hand 3 years ago, when I had the same complaint!

11. I have been driving up and down from KB-BSB on a daily basis for 3 weeks now. I stopped this activity. Initially daddy is with me… he drives me… but occasionally, I drive on my own! Driving seems to make my hands worst! I can’t even stitch now… Its not painful, but its uncomfortable and feels stiff! Not to mention, painful to the briefest of touch!

12. I have not been to the movies, but I have been watching KOREAN DRAMS courtesy of Kak Meng2, resulting in sleepless nights and puffy, swollen eyes to work!

13. The Youth Ship is here to come,… and Mummy Rose is the new National Leader. She recently updated me and is in Indonesia… Next stop would be Malaysia, then Brunei and Philippines and Japan.

14. I am going to look after 2 youths, one Malaysian and the other Japanese… both girls.

15. There is going to be a party on board the ship, and its theme is Masquerade or the 70’s. This is on the 21st Nov, and I have asked BURT to help me baby sit the youths while I party for a few hours! And will join them soon after. Anyone have any idea what we should do during the time the youths are here? Please let me know…

16. The promised budget for my clinic (paper work done since June 2006) has not been approved yet! I am fed up! If I can QUIT! I would really… what a way to work!

Hmmm… it went on longer that I anticipated… so, okay… I shall stop here… and will try to keep updating the blog… but the thing is… if you live alone, with no one to talk to… and only do your work and work research and sometimes have no time to even read, the only thing I can blog about is WORK… so give me some ideas on what to write.

I can write about ‘some’ things but its too political… and one really have to watch one’s back… its not like we are democratic or have the freedom of speech/say…

Funny Picture of Aunty Nor



Kak Nana posing for the camera

This is Kak Meng-meng trying to look ayu :)

This ia a picture of the the sisters and some aunts. Others were unable to attend ...