This is me during the suprise party.... and was the MC! Fancy that... looking good :)

18th April 2009 - We planned a suprise birthday party for IBU for ages... it was meant to be glamour 60's & 70's... I, asl usuall had put planning to the last minute... and made nothing special, so i had to just wear something i had... and put things together... Luckily that night, my eldest sister had an afro wig which she kindly lend to me, and HENCE i became the DISCO mama!!! I look absolutely gorgeous! You would not believe it! 

21 April 2009 - had to fast and draw blood for some tests... i went to the wards thinking i can get it done quickly because i had patients the whole day.... i ended up being pricked 7 times.... on both hands.... every where imaginable!!!  apparently my veins are tiny and deep setted... they managed only 3ml of blood!  I went to the  makmal at 11... 1 time... and he got everything.... Guess where i am going the next time?

--
Friendship is the heart of so many special joys.

I am feeling tired... and when you are tired, little things can rile you up.... or you just dont have the energy for little things... Is this how people move on?

Perhaps this is my way of doing things, so i do not think and feel much... just go through the motions....

I'm tired, and i can sleep all day long... never get out of bed...

I had dinner with B. He even picked me up, knowing i live so far. I should not make it a habit. That is clearly taking advantage of a friend.

B was a nice distraction i need to be away from my own thoughts. and I am much better at trying to solve other's problems than my own.

I guess I am a loner in nature. Despite having many people in my surroundings to talk to, I often opt to be on my own, keep my own counsel, be quiet etc. I let a few in into my 'world' or 'shell'. But those I let and allow an insight into my world, well, they had undergone a 'personal' screening to see if they are suitable, and most importantly, a 'like' soul... This often makes me look like a private person... so be it.

I have always thought I am an easy going person, i listen well (though there are times i fight opinions, but that is just the way things are), i am agreeable most times, NOT very demanding, and VERY reasonable. These are strengths in character, i thought...

Until recently, I share a special relationship with someone. But for sometime now, things had been 'rough' for me. F, is however, a nice person. Relationship is especially hard for me. I take time to 'accept and bond' but when i do, i am exclusive. So when it fails, it really kills me. I breakdown just like everyone, if not worse. I lose self confidence. I start to have self doubts. Building up again is very hard. Some people see this tough persona in me... Do i really give that impression?

As you get older, more invested in relationships, it gets harder. I do not remember it to be so merciless. Maybe it was... People do tend to forget pain, and look in life of the positive experiences. It keep spirits high and allows you to move on... eventually.

I often ask myself, do i sabotage my own 'relationships' because of life experiences I had??? So before it fails on me, signs of cracks make me cave in? Do i have an innate desire to fail at this all the time because i know the ending will not be good? Am i afraid to commit?? or do i just suck at the whole thing? I don't know the answers....

Friday the 13th was said to be the unluckiest day. Historically, many evil things were said to have happened involving witches and warlocks. Nowadays, its just deemed unlucky.

A couple of years ago, I heard on the radio that people believe less and less of this. However, people believed Monday and the 27th or 29th is most unlucky. They actually did a study on this.

Did you know that RIPAS Hospital do not have Ward 13! maybe 'they' believed in it long time ago... superstition.

Today, I am just unwell. Had to decline an offer to meet friends. besides, i sound like a frog that has voice problem. And cough everytime i speak. Not good.

I just realised that the dr did not give me any antibiotics this time!!!

I am officially sick - my head feels like a huge load of truck is sitting on it, and occasionally, an axe just hit it, my tummy throws up food and nutrition i try to ingest, the nose blocks my air and my voice is as rough as nails on a wooden slate!

I went to see a dr today, and without asking, i was offered a sick cert - shows you how sick i am. I even met an old friend, whom also commented on how 'wonderful' i looked.

I have been sick the 'whole' year more than i have been healthy. I had spoken to the 'girls' at work about reducing some of my workload. I saw unhappy faces, responses and these were expected but disappointing at the same time.

I think working and living had taken its toll on this obese body! 'It' is just tired and wants to give up!

It is so easy to give up and give in to dark feelings i have, always just there, but no one else can see it or feel it. Its harder and more effort full to just try and be strong, confident, wanting to move on, change, be happy, be positive ... very very hard. Unless you have been in a dark place, what you think you feel are nothing of that the real thing.

Today is my niece's birthday. Hannah turns 6 today. A big girl. Mummy is giving her a treat to a Japanese restaurant, one of her favourite food. Since i am unwell, and do not want to spread this viral disease, i decided to decline the invitation. but, i wish her all the best. and most importantly HAPPY BIRTHDAY! *wink* she has a birthday present from me.... some that has been waiting for a few months now :)

Yesterday was Maulud Nabi - birthday of the prophet. It was a public holiday in Brunei. Some went to the streets and walked a procession. Its done annually, especially on the birth of the prophet.

The family and I - well... we had 'lunch' and discussed a secret lengthily. It was a good thing, because I did not want to be alone.

Today, I am SICK! yes... sick again. I guess this was my own doing... Maybe i deserved to be sick... I wish Frank would call me... I wish i can hear his voice... i wish we can talk...

I was watching tv a few days ago. There was a competition of speech in Bahasa Melayu. This was carried out in Malaysia. Many countries joined. It was very interesting. Though I did not watch from the beginning, but what i saw was very impressive. There was a russian lady that spoke Malay fluently that I thought was brilliant. Accent was few and far in between detected. Idioms of the language, idiosyncrasies were also good!

The international participants wowed mee. They really blew me over. One in particupar, the winner of the competition, a Cambodian man. He was tiny that the clothes he put on was swimming on him. I immediatrly felt sorry for him. But when he started talking, I knew he was the winner. He was just charismatic :) Well done!

I was, however, dissapointed with the masters of ceremony. They should not have chosen him. He was obviously a bad choice. I was thinking.... Brunei would have never have a problem filling in gaps while waiting for the judges decision!!! Poorly done.

Another dissapointment was the gift certificate ceremony and the announcement of winners!!! It was OBVIOUS they did not have any rehearsal of such ceremonies as they were clueless of what to do! I felt sorry, not only for the participants whom made a fool of themselves, but also the dignitaries on the stage, while they helped to unconfuse participants, but making a mess! This clearly would not happen here, as this is one of the major event that would be rehearsed more than once, and getting protocol right is imparative in our culture!

On the whole, participants were amazing. Poor master of ceremony, and lack of organisation and rehearsal of events!

By the way, Brunei won 3rd place :)

Looking back...

Looking back, i was most expressive... i write a lot. I cry a lot. Anger and frustrations were evident, too! Now, i write less. What happened to me?

Looking back, entries were witty, challenging, heart-wrenching... Have I lost it?

Looking back, pictures were aplenty. Now, you'd be lucky!

Looking back, I had so much hopes, desires... Now, entries are more sad... Have I changed?

Looking back, emotions were on the high. There is always some issues close to heart. Am I being more sedentary?

Looking back, did i ever imagined me to be this?

Looking back, did you ever think I would be 'this'?

Yesterday, a few of us, including my sister and her beau, went to make a book with Rozi. I have to say, it was one of the most enjoyable course i had joined :) The people were of course great. Plus the fact that my book was CUTE :P hahahaha... I don't have like a good camera so i used the one from the laptop instead. I strongly suggest people to join :) It a good activity to do together as a group of friends, as family, or as a gf/bf kind of thing :) its cool :)

Happy 25th National Day to all :) To those who went to the stadium to march, sit and just see the whole event, i hope you wore your sunblock! :) And those of you who stayed in and watched from the safety and cozy shelter of your own home, well done. :)

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR - 2009

To Family and Friends: GONG XI FA CHAI!!!

What is in store for the snakes in 2009?

Snake people had a fair luck in 2008, year of Rat. In the year of Cow 2009, they will have a better luck than 2008, this is because the Cow and Snake have attraction relationship. There are Lucky Stars coming to Snake people, their career performance will have significant progress. Also Snake people's money luck is much better than most of people. However, some Unlucky Stars gathers in Love and Health area. Love relationship won't have a good development. Snake people need to watch for their health in 2009. Although Snake people have many opportunities, but they have to understand their limit to determine when making a aggressive move to increase the chance of success.

Career: There are two strong Lucky Stars showing in career area in 2009. You will win the good reputation from the job position. You job performance can bring in more income. In 2009, you can successfully reach the goal of your proposal or company development plan. You will earn the recognition from the company, since your excellent achievement at your working projects. A job promotion or salary raise is possible. However, you still have two Unlucky Stars appearing in this year. Someone might try to block your career opportunity, which could extract your concentration and then impact your judgment. Therefore, you need to work on projects with caution to avoid any mistake and stay away the argument with others.

Money: You have two Lucky Stars coming money area this year. One of them is the Money Star. Certainly that's is a good sign to increase the wealth. Since you have good luck in the career area. Either you work for someone or you own the business, the career opportunity should bring you more income than in 2008. However, this Money Star is not a Windfall Star. The money won't automatically come into your door. You still need to find it, plan it, work on it, then bring it into your pocket. Therefore, if you are lazy and wait for it, then you will lose the money opportunity in the year of the Cow.

Love: Many Unlucky Stars gather in emotion area. You are used to protect your ego. You are afraid of hurting your feelings in love. Your passion for love will cool down. There will be no progress in love relationship. If you are still single, it will be difficult to find someone you like to talk with you this year. If you are married and in love, then your love relationship won't show any closer sign. Instead, you will have some minor disagreements with your lover often, which might impact on each other's daily mood and work. The married people also have to pay attention on their spouse's health in 2009.

Health: An Unlucky Star shows the sign of loneliness and isolation to you in 2009. The lonely emotion could affect people's health. If you encounter difficulty at work and feel frustration in love, then your health will be impacted right away. The most common symptom is
insomnia. This Unlucky Star also indicates a hint of sadness and tear. If you are a senior Snake people,
then you need to pay more attention on your health. If you often feel uncomfortable, then you must visit doctors to take care the pain at once.
Otherwise, a small illness might become a serious disease.

Fortune: Snake people have good and bad news in last year, 2008. In general, Snake People have significant improvement in career and financial performance this year. You should use this opportunity to save more money for the need in the future. As fro love, you need be more initiative and proactive to communicate with your partner to improve the understanding between you two. For the single Snake people need to watch for your manner, outlook and temperament to improve your attractiveness. Then you might have chance to meet the person likes you in the year of the Cow.

happy new year and Happy Birthday

Happy New year to all!!!
May the new year bring us all new tidings.

_____________________________________

My youngest sister, FR, is celebrating her birthday today. Celebrating, is also her 'twin' Mima. A big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you both. May the day be filled with fun things.

Expectation..

I was (and is still) talking to F about 'expectation'. Its one of those serious talks we have, and i like it...

When someone expect something out of an individual, often especially when it is not openly discussed, it can be such a disappointment and anguish to all, and turn that particular experience bitter and sour.

Expecting less, or making your expectations more reasonable and appropriate, the situation may just turn out to be pleasant, exciting and pleasurable. The possibilities are endless.

Big words such as compromise also came up. I believe, COMPROMISE is important in any transaction involving human interaction, feelings and or discussions.

However.... talk is cheap! Actions speaks louder... volumes!!!!

PS: If you say you are going to try, then, you try very hard to achieve or carry out what you are going to try!!!

Merry Christmas

To family and friends celebrating, have a good christmas :)

Again

Its December again. Its school holidays. Roads are slightly clearer. However, its one of those months where people are in the mood to 'get married'. Invitations are aplenty.

One of my cousin is getting married. I am grateful that there isn't much to be done. I am not exactly a fan of 'extra work', especially when it involves these kind of social activities, mingling and non-sense chit chat!

When i am in the mood, i enjoy helping out when and what i can. I also enjoy the bad singing, the 70s songs, even bad jokes!

However, december is almost over.... the new year is here to capture us in its hyped sensationalised 'better future', "new year", "new resolution" new everything... as if our lives would change with the new year. Logically thinking, its only another day... and it would not change us without any intervention from ourselves!

Volunteering is not exactly something people of this land do much. The concept seems foreign, but it had been practised long long ago... They somehow have forgotten their roots, and values.

As a student, many hospitals and clinics were asked to volunteer, so that we students can have some practical hand on experiences of working life, working with people and executing tests. If it was not for my past clinicians, i would not have been in this position.

I like to return the favour, and do something good for others that may need exposure and hands on experience before becoming a 'clinician' themselves.

I have the pleasure of carrying out this task, however, students often forget that they need to be humble in a profession like this. People do not take kindly to arrogant figures, even when they know what they are talking about.

update

Has it been almost a week?! Time flies...

The year has not ended, yet, my next year's calendar is already full up to beginning of May 2009!!!

I recieved a phone call this afternoon - and its more work for me!

I wish i just have some assistance! I really cannot do this much longer... or if i do, i would really die of mental exhaustion, high blood pressure, and of course obesity (not that i am tiny) because i eat a lot under pressure!

It is not that i have not contemplated a change of work environment, but, i believe it to be similar everywhere... over worked... and under pay!

If they pay for all the assessment, reports i conducted,... I would probably be more motivated and less grumpy!

Nokia 3110

So I finally got a new mobile... The old one was not functioning any more. After much deliberation, and with the help from F, I decided to get Nokia 3110.

Initially, I wanted to get Nokia 5000. I went to the shop with J and it looked very nice. But, after surfing QQestore, I found that Nokia 3110 was much cheaper with additional 2GB additional memory card.

As you can see, I don't need much to keep me happy. I can live with some updates, and a few technology tools... I don;t need fancy stuff. J can tell you t hat I am not so great with technology :)

I will be reading through the manual, word by word. Its what i do :)

To all Muslim readers, Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha this Monday :)

phone... mobile...

Just the other day, my uncle tried to call me. I answered naturally... but he could not hear me. i called him back, he called me, but we still could not hear each other.

After some time, i tried to call Frank... and it happened... I can hear him on the other line, but not him, me. The same happened when my sister called.

I came to the conclusion that my phone has finally 'died' though, i can still text messages, so that is good.

I am going to get another phone soon... nothing fancy, just something that would work with enough functions for me to use.