recent hot news

Its nice to be online again... even if it is not with my own desktop. So much has happened that i don't even know where to begin... But its always safer to start with the "Local News" and the newest and hottest news is the major change in the cabinet ministers.

I am very hopeful that this will bring positive change not only to them that had been newly elected, but to the people and his majesty's government. I am very hopeful that they are capable of change as well as setting some things right.... like improve the system... However, the day after the announcement, I was with my dad, waiting for our turn to see the Cardiologist when we started chatting...

He said something things that were true and was very upsetting.. at least it it to me... Shattered are the hopes and rose tinted glasses i had on for less than 24 hours after listening to the news... My hopes, wishes and aspiration for the system to change were shattered to blisters of glasses... It was enough to make me sad to this day...

What could so upsetting that had made me crumble? Well... Only the truth and an eye opener opinion can do that to someone... My dad, despite his flaws, is a brilliant man with lots of experience, and would know and understand what he is talking on about. We may have different views, opinions and faith in the government and system, but we both pledge loyalty to it!!!

SIGH!!! Essentially, he wanted to embrace the same faith and rose-tinted glasses i was wearing, but through age and experience, he knew this is not enough. By change and a better "system" we all want and dream of, a change of higher administration is not enough. What makes the "system" work, is the people at the grassroot level... and if the peolpe's attitude, aspiration and motivation don't change, what hope do we have?

I knew this to be true... the PEOPLE will not change... MORE like they do not want to change... they complain and they bicker, but they dont want to change for the better. Any productive and positive criticism given is always taken negatively, changed and moulded into something different and tell the whole world about how cruel "they" are... sigh...

I am so disappointed... When, when, when do you think will we change to a less blinded "people"? I am not talking about other people's ministry but my own... I just hope there is more transparency.... more initiative... more listening to the grassroot, more discussion, more caring, more motivation to help.... more passion.... I always believe in passion... without it... what are we???

upset :(

MY COMPUTER is still not working... maybe i should really think of getting a new set... but the problem is, i dont have the funds... GROAN :(

hmmm... and because of that... My mind has really gone blank, and as a result, i have nothing new or excitinng to write in the blog.... :(

My heart is only full of tears for the loss of information, pictures and files as well as money to get the PC working.... as well as the long waiting time to get it fixed... It has been 2 weeks in the PC Hospital and still there has been no positive news... :(

It has been difficult to write up my work as well... and the loss of using the internet has also upsetted me soooo much...

my life nowadays has been concentrated towards the internet and the stuff i work towards making it a personalised space... but since i have lost the means to get online, and has no money to get a new one, it only painssss me so much....

sigh... i do not want to be so upset online, hence, i will write some more after this lonely, sad and upset period has been uplifted!!!!!

teenagers....

I always think teenagers are creatures that are self-absorbed, creatures that are useless and much more vicious descriptions comes to mind, but of which i will refrain myself from uttering. I always think they are irresponsible and just have TOO much hormones!!! There are plenty that would fit this description... On top of that, i have a dislike towards teenage boys, only because i had some ugly memories and that boys are boys and they are Horrible creatures...

Teenage girls are equally disliked by me... this is the time and age when they start to "QUESTION", talk rudely and acquire friends that are unsuitable! and this affect their life for the worse, only because they have horrible judgement call!!! Such immaturity screams and yells stupidity!!!!

i really do not have high expectation of them, and that i think so little of their capabilities... There are a few that are good "boys and girls" but they are like endangered species in a land full of dinosaurs....

I do not say this of the teenagers in public only, but i say the same of teenagers within my family!!! I must be well disliked by this age group because i really cannot stand stupid girls giggling away in a corner talking about boys instead of hitting the books, or boys playing computer games when they could have helped around with the house work!!! This is the time where we need to train OUR young!!! TRAIN them... BUT a lot have miscalculated and miss this opportunity!!! ARGH!!!!

I was chatting away just Sunday with a younger cousin of mine. He is roughly about mid-teen, still young to obtain a permit to drive! I usually do not discuss nitty-gritty of life with him... or barely even discuss or talk to him. Most conversation would be about school, assignments, his sister/parents... Occasionally about movies he had watched... Obviously i think him uncapable of talking about issues that really matter...

He suprises me to have a brain, a good functional brain that is capable of growing with enriched materials... he suprises me to have the ability to see through things as no other teenagers are able to see through or discuss openly and coherently at his young age!

it started with a conversation that was general... say about saving money which kind of translated and moved forward towards people in general and their abilities/inabilities to save... He had the hindsight that the "locals" usually live outside their means... and that they wanted to have status which translated to materials only later to be embarassed as they are unable to pay or complete payments! We even discussed about how even the low earning people can save up, or how their daily expenses are made up of wants rather than needs!!!

Like how many teenagers do you know can discuss about such topics openly and confidently and have reasons and examples to backup their speech/argument!!?? yeah yeah yeah... one is certainly exposed and well read... but a lot of them read, yet, they are unable to conclude and come to a good conclusion as to why such situations exists in Brunei!

My own COUSIN restored my faith in the younger generation... His ability to think beyound and out side his age as well as the BLACK box is most certainly refreshing! I'm glad that we are equipped with the young that are capable of "thinking", of using their brain processors and come to a conclusion about things or situations plaguing US!!!

I am certainly less worried that i would, in the future, be working with @#!%^*... Boys/Men/girls/WOMEN that are self-absorbed and are uninterested about the well-being of the people and our nation!

I know he is unique and I'm actually proud to call him a family member (despite him being kambang occasionally! :P), but I am now sure that there are plenty more where he came from.... He can't be friends with IDIOTS only!!!

And to end this, I would like to take this opportunity to appologize to my little brat cousin for undermining his abilities and was self-caught in generalising only because of past hurt! I look forward to more "brainy/sentitive" discussions on different topics on one of our midnight meets :)

getting together with friends...

its not always that my friends and i can get together and chat about stuff... We all are busy with our lives and have not met up properly together as a group since December 2004 and i kind of missed it... But i had the opportunity to do so tonight... well sort of last night...

It was really fun to have most of the "gang" together.. and sit.. chat... and laugh... it was also very nice to be comfortable to say anything and be silly and say what ever without them judging you... They are supportive and positive :) and i really like that about the "group"...

it has only been a few months... already i can see that each of us has changed and has done some growing up... some are slightly more mature... others are more open... some closed-up, and some are just jolly pretending life is a breeze when it is not... But, despite each having issues personally... we all were really good together... and we had fun chatting the night away!

It was really nice exchanging news... funny stories mostly... and how different people take things in life... some (LIKE me) sometimes take life too seriously and to have friends to be silly with... they just make your life less stressful and more enjoyable to live...

As usual, part of being together is palm-reading. This time, it is courtesy of my sister, Rena (whom belongs to the group of friends!) She read everyone's palm including mine (AGAIN! i know! But i cannot be left out!!!) it was really fun because we get to pull each other's leg and make fun of stuff that was about to happen...

AGAIN... i was asked to "let go".... "There are many fishes in the sea"... and if i let go... things would be smother, colourful and more fulfilling and life will continue to be better or rather along that line.... But what puzzels me is... what do "THEY" mean by "let go".... (ALMOST the whole group believe i have not let go...)

i felt that i really have "LET GO"... that i don't have issues... and that i am at peace with everything... I have gone through the routine "healing" bit.... it makes me a more "wary" person but i believe it is of the past... just because one has MOVED ON... and has LET GO... does not mean one cannot remain good friends... and by being good friends and not bearing any negative feelings onto this person is catagorised as being not "letting go"... then i DISAGREE!!! but if any of you can shine a light to what "let go" means... please let me know, so i can once and for all move forward :)

we ended the night by going out for "tea-tarik" dressed out in our lovely PJs... ada yang pakai baju berlubang... but it was really nice :) we continued chatting... and laughing... exchanging news... laughing some more... learning new stuff... its always educational and FUN :)

we bade goodbye to each other in the car park... with promise to do it again... Perhaps it would be a few more weeks before we can get together again.... perhaps it would be years... but... i know and believe, we will always keep in touch and exchange news about each other somehow... and that we will keep in touch and stay friends for a long time to come....

short come back :)

How long ago had my computer gone kaput??? And it is still in the workshop. The guy/lady had contacted me once without much enthusiam for its recovery but asking if I was ready to part with my $$$!!! Sigh! Does this gives you an idea to its severity??? I give it a few more days before I give them a call to ask about the prognosis...

I went for an interview for the kapal belia on 9th May 2005. Not a lot of you know that I had planned to go... I always said I would every year, but I went through it finally this year and I intend to pass all the exams and interviews and do well and get my ass on that ship and enjoy myself!!! Anyways, I didn't know what to studied, so I used a bit of brain power to figure things out and studied the most "suitable" material for it... Learnt about the ship and ASEAN. Thank god I was clever because that is exactly what came out on top of very general questions about the country! (AND thank god I am patriotic... I knew most of it at the back of my hand!)

The interview was nice... I really had fun... the people were nice and they talked about nice stuff that was really interesting and entertaining :) I even managed to go back to work after the interview and get some things sorted in the clinic!!! :P

I hope I had impressed some of the panel (there were 4 of them) and I hope to be hearing from them soon regarding a second interview... I would really love to go... It is an opportunity of a lifetime to go and see the world (Well... ASEAN at least and Japan) on a almost fully sponsored trip and all you have to do is just sing, dance, be interactive and open as payment for the passage! You will know more as soon as I know something :)

Since I am using someone else's computer to write all these things, I may as well add another short topic about something interesting :P (If I had my computer working, I think I may have at least an entry per day... its not meant to be!) And Rostiah misses my PC more than I do!!! She asks for it everyday!!!

Recently, I was in the clinic trying to complete some administration patient stuff when a boy walked in... He is a nephew of one of my collegues. I was minding my own business when he came running to the office holding on tight to his crotch. When someone asked if he needed the toilet, he responded NO... so I continued on...

Again, he ran in to the staff's room... this time, I asked rather sternly if he needed the toilet. Yes, he said... So I brought him to the ladies toilet. (NO way am I walking into the men's... other than it being weird, it is also smelly!!! YUCK!!!) Once there, I pointed him to the kid's toilet and told him to drop his pants and do his business. Since he is only less than 3, I decided to look at what he is doing, just in case he needed help (I ONLY HAD A LOOK AT HIS BACK!!!)

It was actually interesting to see what he was doing... he dropped his pants and thrusted his body forward towards the bowl. Without actually holding onto his "pisang", he pee-ed. I was keeping an eye on him, just in case he missed aimed... but he didn't... when he finished, he beckoned for help. I had to insist him to wash his hands...

Why am I talking about this??? I found several points.... ONE, MEN/boys don't aim and now i see why... HOLD ON TO THE "PISANG" please!!! Don't make a mess... and if you accidently make a mess, HAVE HEART and clean it up!!!

TWO, because men are taller than boys, the act of not holding your "pisang" means that the pee might just get out of the bowl. ARGH... don't be lazy! Aim properly!!!

THREE, MEN/boys don't wash their hands from the toilet... I have to remind all my boys to wash their hands after returning from the toilet. I actually inspect the moistness of their hands to see if they really had done it or lied about it... Washing your hands with SOAP is preferred!!!

FOUR, I just thought I'd share all the information and knowledge I know with all of you *wink* I know some may laugh or frown reading it :P

But, I do hope I made you smile a bit... What is life without smile and laughter... I believe that you have to smile to make everything you do easy :) and it works :) Smile people.... Hope I am able to write more soon... otherwise pray my PC is better and is not TOO expensive to be picked up!!! :) Byeeeeee.... *hugs*

taking a break....

It seems like I have to rest from blogging for a while. My computer had recently encountered a serious problem that resulted in its inability to work properly; it was such a problem to even get it started!!!

I am worried about all the important documents i have saved in the computer that I have not managed to keep a backup despite wanting to do so for many moons...

I spoke to the man and lady technician... and have asked them to help me try and salvage the documents I really want... I hope they are able to do so... If they can't, I will just have to try and re-do the whole thing, which I am not looking forward to since I have been sacrificing my weekends the whole year and last year to complete it *sob sob sob*

In the mean time, I look forward to your blogs... I will try to steal access to my sister's or aunt's PC...

PS: Widz... Thanks for the insightful comments... I didn't get a good read (my computer automatically rebooted itself and refuse to switch on) but i think it has to do with standard of living and middle class ... anyways.. i believe it has a potential to be a discussion topic on the blog...

SOB SOB SOB... I think i will miss blogging :( It has been a salvation to my soul as late... :(

it got me thinking...

Someone I knew wrote an interesting article about her school trip to the prison of Brunei, as well as the Al-Islah place… There she commented on how small and eerie the place was and how sorry she felt for the people in it.

As I was reading her entry, I thought it would only be “RIGHT” if I left something on her blog to tell her I have been around to read it. Hence I commented… Then… it daunted on me… How many of those people who went to prison/al-Islah had visualized themselves to be in it in their adulthood??

Interestingly enough, I don’t think any child would like to go to prison… Mention “POLICEMAN”, “POLICE MOBILE” or anything to do with the law, one usually stand up right, sit up straight and follow the rules regulated by the state! But how does one end oneself in prison…

There are many cases as to why people are in prison… and interestingly enough, our country’s prison is congested with PEOPLE… does that mean our crime rates are on the increase…. But I seem to have this illusion that out state is a peaceful and safe place??? Which is it?? The state of the prison population does not reflect peace!!! What had happened??? Lack of transfer of information to the public???

I wondered what happened to those people in prison that landed themselves there? Most of us in Brunei are fortunate enough to have an education/home/money and security… There are only a few of us that do not seem to have ANYTHING!!! But, it’s the middle class population that ends themselves in prison!!! Does it have to do with upbringing styles? Differential exposure? Environmental factors such as socio-economic factors (demanding or increasing living standards)? Peer pressure? A research should really be done…

For such a small state with relatively smaller population, with lots of commodities given to its people, one would think crime rate is on the low… but it is increasing as the new millennium approaches… What have we done wrong? Crime rates during my grandparents TIME was much lower than it is now… and those were the difficult times!!! What happened to ‘sopan santun’, ‘budi bahasa’, ‘perikemanusiaan’, ‘bertoleransi’, ‘berkomunikasi’ etc… ???

One has to look into oneself and question what he/she had done to himself/herself that landed him/her into trouble, got caught and landed him/her in an overcrowded prison… But, we have to ask ourselves as well… Did we have a chance to do something to help/prevent such things from happening but did not read the signs to offer help or just did not bother to offer help? Each to each’s problems???

I believe the society plays a great role… we need to further investigate our crimes and its backgrounds… We need to do something before it is too late for us and our children…

comments given....

ha ha ha... i get lots of personal little tid-bits of messages commenting about the last "article" i wrote... and it seems that a few of you out there disagree with me.... I suppose you all just found the perfect friends and i envy you all....

Reading success stories and reading how close people are with their friends despite marriage claming them... and how it develops to be what i envisioned mine would be does not make things any better.... it makes me think why me.... what is wrong with me....

Anyways.... I am such an understanding person that i know its not always me.... but it could be them *WINK* and i take that deep with me *:P* That is sooooo not true... and if you know me, you know i am not like that... he he he....

Its just that i believe god throws us different types of obstacles.... He challenges the best of us and sees if we are able to get through every test he gives us.... People are different as well.... It may just mean that i am attracted to people that may not be totally sincere in their friendship and it shines bright when something better comes along...

I aim to try and get through MOST obstacles given with good faith and strong determination... AMIN!!!

friendship after marriage...

Many of us form friendships and some of them actually are deep and meaningful… Friends are family we choose for ourselves, I once read on a magnet sold at Knick-knacks but I was too cheap to buy it :P But that sums up what I feel…

Good friends are with you through the thunderstoms, not just during SUMMER time… Real friends give you a piece of their mind knowing that you will trash them saying mean but had to be said things! You tell friends your most intimate secrets that you don’t even tell anyone else… maybe not even your parents, siblings or other close family members! Good friends are very difficult to find and even more difficult to keep once you form a different kind of special bond with someone else of the opposite sex that may lead to not only you spending less time together with your friend… but you growing separately… I am talking about marriage!

Marriage may strengthen a bond between a man and a woman, but it can also dissolve a friendship you build on trust that had you going for YEARS before you even met your “partner”. In its truest sense, if your other half is truly your “PARTNER”, why would he/she condemn a friendship that you have built with your friends? Why do they question motives behind boy/girl platonic friendship? Why do they question your trust? Surely they understand the importance of you having friends and not just concentrate all your affections to him/her!

I do understand friendships like any other types of relationship goes through different stages… and for some marriages to work, you may have to ‘communicate’ less with your friends to give way for their new and thriving relationship… but at what cost? Its ending? A wise person once told me, a friend is someone you keep for life, one that you trust would always have your back covered… a BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND may do the same, but do you really know that they would??? Even a married couple cannot tell if their spouse would really ‘help’ him/her if they fall into huge trouble! But true, strong friends do, and you can trust that they would help you if and when they can, but yet, we are eager to be rid of these people we call our friends.

I have lost many good friends through different ways, but one way that really hurt the most is one that you do not have control over, marriage. I have lost friends through studying abroad as distance makes the heart grows less fond-er… a Malay saying “Tak nampak, maka tak cinta”. I lost friends through different view points (we grow up, and don’t see things as we used to… We don’t fight but we grow distant), and through marriages (just because they got married, they have less time to spend with you and they also manage to make you feel like second class citizen, being summoned to only when they have no one else to talk to, or that their spouse disapprove of your relationship with your friend, and worry or perhaps have low self esteem that you would actually STEAL their spouse from them, not knowing you have no designs of such on your friend you had since you were in diapers!) and YES! I am bitter!

Why can’t we have a marriage and a friendship working at the same time... friends are not stupid people… They do understand that married couples do need their time and space to be together, as it is only important… but it is also important to keep your friends… My ideal scene is where I see myself with my married friends. We are having our lovely chats in the garden, overseeing the children playing. The husbands joining in the chatter-banter of life and circumstances. All of us having good bonds and mutual respect and admiration for each other.

I would just like to feel that I lost something because of something…. Because I made a mistake that I should learn and not repeat… but losing friends through a marriage only tells you to fear marriage itself and that it robs you of a different kind of happiness… marriage is suppose to bond people together, spread love… but all I learn from marriages is it destroys you and people you love slowly!

my weekend...

I had an interesting weekend… I spent my Saturday night with Shibah watching a movie, then talking through the night till morning!!! It was really nice :) It is always nice to have someone to talk to… and have fun talking :) especially when things you talk about are of similar “values” and are FUN!!! Then, today, I spent most of the PM with my friends… lazing around, doing nothing… (WITH Hannah to entertain us) and continued in the pm talking with Aunty Nor, Kak Nana and Kak Meng :) (Obviously on various topics!!) It was really fun :)

Aunty Nor also read my palm again... and it was a very interesting session... Sad to say there is nothing much on the career front.... but she did have a lot to say about my "personal" life.... a few of the comments to heed are i need to be less "uptight", less emotional... broaden my horizons... Have more fun!!! and LOSE THE EXCESS BAGGAGE!!! and forget all the loosers i have known soooo far :P

I would love to elaborate... and from the conversation i had... i had a lot of things to say/write suddenly... BUT... i can't spend so much time online tonight.... NEED to sleep as i am going to Tutong in the morning... and before that... go to the CLINIC and pack the files and toys! SIGH!!!! I forgot to do so Saturday! (AND i left the clinic at 5 PM!!!) that means waking up earlier than my usual 7 am!!!!!!!!!! and if possible 7:15 am :P

Anyways people... have faith that i will write about interesting stuff the next time i blog :P he he he... i am also wondering what i would be talking about.... circles of relationships....????

my first crush...

Who was your first love or even crush? Do you remember him/her? Do you remember the stupid yet significant little detail important to you long ago??? Did you know what happened??? Did things progressed? I was just thinking out loud to myself… probably secondary to boredom as well as having nothing to say but demanded to update the blog,… I just thought of this….

Thinking back, I have to say I have pretty low hormonal problems (I STILL DO!!!) I really didn’t fancy any one in school… Private school or religious school…. Not that there weren’t any cute guys around… there were… and I remembered them… its just that I had never been attracted to them… not until I met this guy….

He was in my religious school… we were in the same class… he sat JUST in front of me… He was just an ordinary boy… he was cute but there were plenty of cute guys around… The thing that made him special and attractive was his VOICE and I his brains…

He was new to school… his mum (a teacher) was newly transferred to my school… and naturally, his sister and he had to follow… to make life easy I suppose… I did not pay him any attention; my attitude was he was another HUMAN. But a lot of the other girls were crazy about him… GAGA!!

We were always asked to read together the Quran first thing in every class… I was usually thankful because it was my WORST subject… Not that I could not read… just SLOW to read… But I ace other subjects!!! And I know the teachers know this!!!! One day in 1988, we were asked to read individually… I panicked… we all had to pay attention to who was reading what as we can be asked to continue reading from where the person last stopped!!! I was on ALERT!!!

Next thing I knew, the teacher was walking beside me… and he stopped for a while… my heart was racing MAD!!! He then lifted his stick… and I remembered thinking… “I’m DEAD!” and he touched not me but the student in front of me… PHEW!!! I was about to day dream when a voice like angel came from him… LOVELY voice!!! I was immediately in cloud nine!!! Eleven if you think it possible!!! How can a boy have a voice so heaven that it melts my heart!!!???

So… he is not so ordinary after all… yet, I wasn’t HEAD over Heels in love with him UNTIL… we had a surprised Rampaian (test comprising of 5 questions).. I was smiling because I was always ready (NERD!)… usually score high marks and would be one of the few that would get 100%!!! I was surprised the new boy had 100% as well… I mean… cute boy with brains!!! Since when???

I was really smitten… I was skeptical on whether he was really clever or was he just lucky… he didn’t disappoint me… he really had brains… I never actually said anything or indicated that I liked him… but I remember smiling more… I was SOOOO shy then… (Believe it or not!)

After that year, I was not meant to see him again… I moved to the morning session, as my secondary school was in the afternoon… but going to an all girl’s high school… girls were always talking about boys and his name was mentioned when I was in Form 4 (1993)… It seems like I have never forgotten him… more, I have never forgotten his voice… Where ever he may be, what ever he has done with his life, I wish him only the best… and my wish is that he looks after his lovely voice…

I don’t really fall for guys… unless there is something extraordinary about them… They have to be special… they need to have the special k factor… I like men, contrary to believes… but I try not to fall for their stupid tricks!!! (Ali, my best guy friend, thinks I like to have men for dinner and chew on their bones!!! That’s frustration talking due to their stupidity!)

The second crush I have is on Robert Downey Jr (1996)… and I still do like him… he has the looks, the brains and the voice :) What more can a girl ask for?

How romantic is it to get married in a place like this... and this was where Haiza and Ian got married on 15th April 2005... As you will see from pictures to come... They celebrated their precious moments with loved ones.... Haiza had friends from Ireland and her father, of course... and Ian had his FAMILY and good friends from ENGLAND.... They had 2 ceremonies... One at this great hall (Civil ceremony) and one at the Islamic Center (NIKAH)... *sob* *sob* *sob* Beautiful... CONGRATS people *HUGS* 

Ian LOOKING anxious before the wedding :P he he he... Don't look worried... She won't miss it for the WORLD!!! 

Perhaps this is the last shot of them together before they tied the knot :) he he he.... looking good people!!!! 

Bride and groom with Ben... Another of Ian's best friend. He is the official photographer for the wedding (BOTH ceremony) and i was informed on good authority that he is single :P and a very nice BLOKE :P 

Waiting patiently for the ceremony to move on already :P Bestman was Glen (one of Ian's bestbest friend) and Haiza's bridesmaid was Siah :) 

I am not sure what comes first... but this looks like they are signing some documents.... could that be a mariage cert??? :P 

During the civil ceremony... Haiza standing tall next to her groom... 

Haiza with some ladies... Apparently the lady in SARI is a very nice lady (Why is she in sari? Because her husband is Indaian whom also happens to be very nice.) ...so nice that she wore a scarf over her head while they were in the Islamic Center to show her respect :) aaaawwwww.... we all love her already :P 

Together with some friends :)