Weddings

sigh... I have nothing against Weddings, but i just dislike attending.

I hate the waiting. I hate the not-doing-anything while waiting, i
hate the long queque when eating, i hate the heat, i hate almost
everything about it. I hate difficulties finding parking.
(Occasionally, i like the food)

However, I attend several weddings a year. Those are of family
members and friends. I attend these mostly without complaints :P
hahahaha...

What can i say... Weddings and me don't go along well... oooo... one
more thing i dislike about weddings is the dressing up... and people
competing to look their bestest - hence out with the most expensive
materials, accessories and more... ARGH... is there anything good that
comes out of weddings?

Having said, that... i hate parties as well... sigh... so perhaps, I
am not a social animal.

are we friendly?

I recently was introduced to this Malaysian man (from my Laotian
friend from my times on board of the youth ship) whom is going to work
in brunei for at least 2 years. He is a hotellier in town.

Many avid readers would remember reading my blog entry a few months
ago soon after my transfer... I was very lonely and alone in a new
place, despite it being my country and speaking the same language and
eating the same food. I was lonely because i was without company... no
one to talk to... no one to actually laugh with and share thoughts and
more...

I am a local and I have much problem befriending people 'socially'...
not professionally... Imagine a foreigner, whom just started work in
brunei... a place so different from his busy life, alone, lonely and
without transportation. If you were this man... how would you feel?

how would you feel being this man... then.. having no one to talk
to... and having no avenu to meet up people.... He said something to
me that strike me.... I have thought of it before but dismissed it...
He said, he went to Coffee Bean, a place essentially to socialise but
people were busy showing off their lap top and not easy to penetrate
to strike a conversation...

I know how it feels like to be abroad in a strange land in a different
environment.. also having no one to talk to... I also know how it
feels like to be alone and lonely in Brunei. The second is more
miserable, because there is nothing much to do here, and with family
or friends... you do not have a life and slowly rot...

So my question is... are we that unfriendly that we cannot put
ourselves in their position and befriend them? are we so wrapped up in
our own problems that we do not see others? Are we that unfriendly
that we can't even offer our friendship or just offer some company to
people working to build our country? Are we that unsociable???

--
Friendship is the heart of so many special joys.

Relationships... and growing old... maybe just thoughts..

I was in bed, woke up with pain localised in my left wrist. It has been there for the past few days but this time, its worse. I am going to see "John" about it. He is my magician... he makes the painful bit go away and bearable. and i need it .. i can't even turn off the tap without wincing...

and today, is the 13th of July... the last day as a 29 years old. I am not sure how I turned out to be... based on others expectations of me... but i like to believe though I can be lazy, aloof and likes to be on my own, I have turned to be a nice, occasionally considerate and kind person. Events over the year had light some doubts on my character, and i have been through personal anguish of 'have I done the right thing'... however, if there is one thing i learnt over the years..."never regret your actions once you have decide". and i won't... and I shall live with it.

With aging comes maturity... and i hope i have that. I have been told i am mature beyond my years... perhaps some would disagree... This year, people taught me not to 'trust' others... i have, disclosed several personal events to some only to have it flaunted back at me in anger... twisted in a way that made me look like a vilan. TRUST is one of those thing that should only be given to a few regardless of blood relation, hence... its a lesson i learnt the hard way this year the past month or so...

with aging, comes grey hairs... and i have them before my 28th birthday. I keep them to remind me of my fastly aging process and to mature... also a reminder of death to come... Nothing so ghastly comes to mind, but just a reminder to be nice through out the day... (If i start the day with looking at the mirror - which i often don't... my haid doesn't need much combing and live without being brushed for a few weeks).

With aging comes wrinkles... I am not that worried about wrinkles. I am blessed to have few around the eyes. Looking through old and present pictures, i can definately see maturity... however, these changes dont bother me much. Having said that, i am trying to slab on moisturiser and sunblock to protect the skin against risks of skin cancer...

With aging comes back pains, increasingly often headaches, restless night, nightmares... painssss throughout the body and more. Shame on me because i have not been maintaininng a fully functioning body as it should... however, that could be something I may work on. Body image has never been an issue with me. I cannot care more of how i should look like... I can't even bother to exercise. when clothes dont fit, i find something that does. plus... i'm a doormat. the only time i am really out there is at work. however, i would like to focus on the health aspect of body image... I am not saying i would.... but something i can look into... i really hate stress... i FLIP!!

With each birthdays... Questions of "when?"... "have you got one?"... "Introductions?"... "Your are old enough to have one.. you should start trying to find one" is the more popular ones now... and another one is.."its for your future... someone to look after you in your old age" They are obviously talking about relationships.

Its not that i do not want a relationship.. its just that i had a few and it left me with a 'BAD AFTER TASTE'. Plus, i am not exactly in a field infested by men... My life as it is now, does not give me room to know men. I dont enjoy socialising (as you can read from STPRI reunion) Also.. i see a lot of relationships around me crumbling... what started with laughter, love turned to be bitter filled with hate. not to mention the constant bickering about what had happened.. what partner has not pull their own weight... and more... its just a nightmare and TOO much more for me...

I have seen people staying together despite their differences for several reasons. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn;t... and the worst is to stay in a relationship:
1. for your children
2. (abusive relationship) because you can't move away
3. to potray a 'happy' image to fool others
4. because you dont have the money to be independent
5. because you are afraid to be alone
6. afraid of being a single parent.
7. because you have invested a lot in the relationship.

I obviously do not know what it is like to be in a bad relationship. Though the few i had wasn;t successful, the men weren't evil. however, i am subjected to stories of bad relationships everyday and then them telling how they have suffered, how they tried to stay patient... how they sacrificed their hapiness for their kids and more... don;t they know... if they are not happy, the kids aren;t too... i feel like shouting... GET A DIVORCE on top of my lungs. i can;t do that, can i? however, I am known to lose my cool... and when i do.. I am afraid i would say something i may regret...

Its Friday the 13th... I am not afraid. I would be 30 tomorrow... so happy birthday to me... I dont feel like celebrating... I dont want a cake... i do, however want sincere prayers... To being a good person with god in her heart and step! Amin!

Abang Erwan's Birthday

It was supposed to be a suprise birthday dinner.... and we were not
even supposed to park in front of the restaurant.. to draw him away
from the suprise... (This birthday party was planned by kak Neza, i am
sure, weeks before the birthday)

I almost went to the wrong branch of the restaurant... but was
sensible enough to make a call to confirm the place... but i made a
U-turn from the highway. No biggie... wan't that far off..

Everyone was starving while waiting for birthday boy (and girl - it
was also Hartini's birthday!) I was suprised when i entered the
building. Thought I was late... but someone was, as usual, more
fashionably late. Even more suprise to see a table of unfamiliar
people next to the family's table - they turned out to be abang's
friends...

When he entered the building and approached the table as he was
ascending from the stairs, we sang him a birthday song. it was
horrible with lots of pitch problems but it was loud :) he was
suprised... but he suspected something because he saw my car... but he
pushed the car sighting because he thought I came shopping for
supplies - phew!

We started eating.. and we gobbled up al the food on the table...
there were plenty.. enough to feed an army of hungry soilders -
literally!!! hahahaha... anywaysss....

as soon as we finished, the singing waiterssss started singing. It was
fun.... we all enjoyed it... I enjoyed it in particular. we all sang
along... not that we know the words to it.. we just sang the chorus.

We even involved the chinese table next to us... We didn't know
them.... they loved it but others were not happy with us, for example,
the Malay family that left early :P hahahahaha...

I was singing on top of my lungs... i was singing up to everything
they sang that i know... even if just humming.... and loudly despite
the horrible pitch :) hahaha... the table next to us (Abang's table)
was laughing and wondering who that loud and carzy person was...

Hartini (the birthday girl, whom was also a collegue) was also
suprised by the change in demenour :) hahahaha... never mind :) work
and home personality should be different :) and i need to let go..

The birthday party made me realise:
1. family, however annoying and painful to be with, are important.
Just distant yourself from poisonous ones.. i know i am going to keep
my distance.
2. to have people to share life with is special
3. i enjoy being silly
4. i like singing silly
5. i have not laughed in a long time
6. i'm starving from good conversations...

New look

Dear Family members,

If you have been to where i live, you will know the state... and so,
when i tell you it has a new CLEANER look, you may not believe it...
but believe me...

We have new garages at the sides of the house where boats and cars are
sheltered. I even have a shaded parking space...

You wont believe it, and i also didn't the first thing i woke up this
morning.. but there is t his HUGE clean SPACE just infront of the
house and below the house... things are just a bit neater, despite the
same about he stores.

However, we are only talking about what is cosmetic... on the outside.
the insides - still the same *wink*

well... we win some,... we lose some...

NB: Blog about
1. Abang's birthday
2. Relationships (scary)

STPRI Reunion

I paid $30 to get my ticket to the reunion, and I thought it would be
a reunion. Obviously, the committee members are yet to understand the
word "reunion" as they seem to have different ideas of what this means
and signify.

I thought I would have time to mingle, chat, exchange stories,
reminisce old times with other friends or just known faces from the
years I was in school... but instead, we sat down, and looked at the
stage, not knowing what is happening, just like I was a student again.
In that sense, I have never left school!!!

I was under the impression that there would be more video shows,
slides and footage, not only from the 1960's but also across the years
of the golden jubilee... I was gravely mistaken. The show started
well, with a little song and play from the oldest batch to the current
students of STPRI. But too much of the same things get old FAST.

What saddens me even more is that, 'normal' ex-students of the school,
the ones without the "D's" in front of their names were not asked how
they envisaged the reunion to be or what they would like to contribute
to the reunion. What D's you ask... isn't that obvious... the Datins,
Datin Padukas, Drs, Directors and more...

I mean, just because we are not in the same ELITE group as they are,
WE, the other EX-STPRI girls do contribute to the nation's development
and growth. I mean, we should at least have a role to play in our own
reunion... NOTHING! We just sat and enjoy, a not so joyous play
executed (not by any of the other students BUT the current
students)...

The idea may be there... and effort were seen, however, I fail to
understand why it was all song and dance and play... where were the
mingling – the true essence of a reunion! I didn't even had the chance
to mingle with my mum's and aunts' friends... like see who their
friends are... what they had been up to and more... THAT would have
been an even more exciting reunion, than the dull show they exhibited.

Another issue that was raised by the others was "where did the money
go?" The decoration was kept to a minimum... food was at most $7 per
head. We had a gift bag with a program book (with no pictures of the
classes we attended except for organizer!) We had two square biscuits
each and a yassin. We also each had a golden jubilee mug.

None of my own classmates attended the function. I was the only one
representing class of 2A-5A (1990-1993). There was, however, another
lady that was in the same class as me in Form 1B (1989) – we chatted
briefly!

I felt I had wasted my afternoon... more so, I wasted $30 that could
have been spent on my petrol. I wasn't a happy bird, but the feeling
I gather, so were the others... Perhaps the right 'people' could have
looked into it...

PS: If it was up to me, I probably would set up alumni... and perhaps,
alumni that meet up once a year, or that could be 'motivational'
speakers to future generation of Brunei. We could have also set up an
alumni blog that can exchange gifts or cards or memories... or.. the
alumni could set up a cooperation business like (PGGMB) and many
more... sigh... this is the voice of a disappointed ex-student

PPS: I didn't even get to see or even meet any of my previous
teachers... How do I get in touch with them and say THANK YOU... how
do I say, I APPRECIATED YOUR HELP... how do I finally say "I
UNDERSTAND and Thank you for staying by us!" how do I even tell
them... look, I turned out GOOD, and you helped shape that! You made a
difference and you mattered.

Cluster headache

My youngest sister and I had a brief chat over the phone several days
ago chatting about my headaches...

She thinks i may have cluster headaches... she asked several questions
and answers I gave her seems to fit.

However, my mum raised the issue of "jerebu" and i think... that is
what may have happened to me. In the comforts of my room - no
headache. Outside the protection of the clinic and aircon -
headaches+++ Mystery solved :P (I don't have to like the answer but it
is what it is)

Today is Abang Erwan's birthday :) and Eva Longoria's wedding day :)
happy happy happy to both :P :)

As for me, I am watching a bit of the Diana's concert - Kelurusan its
the music from the plays she love... i love the music as well... I
love Sara Brightman, Josh Groban, and more... sigh...

If i can have any birthday present in the world (logistics and money
not an issue), I want this.... I want to watch CATS (the musical) in
London *sigh*

i have a headache

i dunno what is wrong.. but i have HEADACHES...

Its pounding... its throbbing.... its all frontal... and medial of the head... then... its all around...

Its not my eyes...

Its not my blood pressure....

Its not my cholesterol (thought it can be lower)

Its not stress (i have more stress than this... I am actuallynot doing anything at work... just working and the usual)

What is wrong with me?

I even have this queasiness...

I am definately NOT pregnant!!!

Breakdown on Kristal

Perhaps not everyone listens to kristal as i do... I listen it every
opportunity i have in the clinic. Even my kids knows to turn the
volume of the radio down as they enter the room...

I was doing some admin work because on Monday I have been called to
join a course - kind of like fire drill and instructions. Its good...
Thank god its first day of the month and i am actually supposed to do
statistics... otherwise i would have kicked some fuss... Anyways, I
was trying to do some of the admin stuff i was supposed to do on
oOnday to cut down on some of the work.

The Dj just opened the phone lines, and people was supposed to call
in... one of the regular listener called in and started to cry.
before she cried, she already sounded sad... When asked,... she
started to breakdown.. You can actually hear her breakdown....

Apparently,.. some friends of hers are having personal problems that
made them separate or going to separate... however, the way she cried
and made her plea made me at least wonder what is going on.

A lof of the callers called to say hi... but they also wondered what
is going on with her, typically she is this bubbly person. However,
when things get too much, you do breakdown, what with her dad being
unwell... and now her friend is in a pickle... i kind of
understand....

Questions from listeners rose... like... was she implicated in this
pickle herself? Why is she so sad when its not her problem? Why should
she butt in someone's problem... and so on.... speculations were
many... and no answers were derived...

However, one speaker did caught my attention. She said not to air
'problems' personal or not on the radio as the whole country and more
are listening. Issues of defamation rose... and perhaps.. she may
have made a bad situation worse!

I, myself sent in a text message. I asked the DJ to stop laughing at
the matter, also, if possible, stop talking about it. She is after
all, a good caller, and as i know it from listening for years, a
friend of the dj as well. So laughing at another friend on air is
actually not cool.. I then texted back apologising for being
judgemental.... HEY! I have so many dosa, i do not need to add on
more...

I thought that was interesting....

I am now off to Bandar. I will stop by JPMC first.. then to gadong to
see AZRA. Her birthday is coming up soon :) The little girl will be 6
:) we are 24 years apart! how cool is that???

WOW! I'm tech savy!

I have been cooking food for tomorrow and tempering with my blog
template all day... (after the first half of the morning!) and... its
good...

After joining blogspot since 2005, i finally changed the skin keeping
the essentials at the side :) I'm actually quite impress with
myself.... but thanks and acknowledgements need to be given to Burt
(who taught me to be 'smart' with java speech and also Wardah (My
youngest sister's friend) whom created my tagboard and counter :) I
kept all those features :)

Then.... I came about something... and decided to be brave and try it
out.... THIS entry is actually posted from my email!!! YES! I emailed
my entry without going through my dashboard...

YES! YES! I can hear people actually say... "Its there for ages!"...
HEY! I just noticed it :) and yes... it works and i am very impressed
with blogspot.

Fwd: Testing

Testing... Lets see if this works.

--
Friendship is the heart of so many special joys.

Text Message..

I was still in bed this morning when i recieved this.... and i think its something to be shared with all... Thank you Shibah.

Persahabatan itu seperti tangan dengan mata.
Saat tangan terluka, mata menangis.
Saat mata menangis, tangan menghapuskannya.

English Translation (To my best ability)

Friendship is like hands and eyes.
The momet your hands hurt, the eyes cry.
When the eyes cry, hands wipe it off.

However, there are some friendships, though you try to salvage, may not be worth it. Friendship, like people, change... and when you change... occasionally, the same people you think are compatible are no longer.

Sometimes, by hanging on to something that was initially not meant to be, may be more hurtful than it is worth. Someone told me to "cut your losses while you are ahead". He also asked if it was worth salvaging.

When a frienship makes you feel small, little, increases self doubt and brings the worse in you... its a friendship i rather get out of... it may be painful.. it may be lonely... people can get judgemental... but.. you have to do what you think is right for you. No more tears for me - thank you...

Map of Brunei

Everyone who is anyone… well… any proper country has a map of its own place. And Brunei is no different. However, our maps are very ‘sad’. One is sold in shops for $10, which I don’t mind paying for... but what disappoints me is that good road maps are missing from the book!

For someone whom has just relocated… and has to do several home visits around the place, without an assistant, and often people whom are unable to give good directions, a map is essential.

The map of Brunei currently on sale is a good start… However, maps should be updated annually. And if that turns out to be unrealistic… a change every couple of years should be considered. The roads are different from how they were 5 years ago. We must stay abreast of changes.

I particularly like detailed maps... like complete with the simpangs... and road names... and important buildings labelled onto the maps as such... just like any other international maps available of other countries – if we care to look into it.

I implore the authorities to look I into this matter and improve our map for a better one. I look forward to purchasing one before my golden years!

PDA - Public DIsplay of Affection

On Thursday, i drove down to Bandar Seri Begawan to start working on the LONG errands of things to do... but, naturally, one has to eat... off i went to TPH to have my lovely mee basah :)

I called up the sisters,.. but only Elia could make lunch. Nevermind... Anyways... I was sitting facing the door... and i was looking out when i realised (peripheral vision) something was not right...

First, i noticed it was a young couple (I assume not married because they looked unmarried and it was disguisting!) sitting on the table to the right of the main door. The couple were sitting side by side.

What irked me was... the girl started to touch the boy's face. At first i thought it was nothing... then... he flinched. I was left thing "WHAT IS GOING ON?" i kept on observing as she repeated her action. SHE WAS MEMACAH JERAWAT BOYFRIEND NYA IN A KEDAI MAKAN IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!!! i was .... YUCK! i pointed it out, pretty loudly, with an evil look to my sister. IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! THEN.... SHE DID NOT EVEN WASH HER HANDS... SHE DID NOT LEAVE HER SEAT!!!

obviously the girl is dim... and the boy a WIT for being with her!

It does not stop there.... Their food came. They ordered a plate of main course, and an order of dessert. I do not understand why the boy cannot feed himself. He was fed by the GIRL!!!

I mean... what is wrong with picking up a fork or spoon, scoop some of the goo and drop it in your own mouth. Then... she uses the same spoon/fork to feed herself... I am like... "I hope you both have good dental hygiene... and that you hope the guy do not have cold sores or herpes!!!"

If you think it stopped there... you are mistaken.... they LINKED hands while eating... like... WHY???

surely such PDA can be reserved for when you are alone... in the comforts of home without EYES of the public on you... especially not my eyes... and mind rolling in small deaths!!!

Not writing...

sorry for not writing... i have meant to... but i dunno why i didnt...

i actually wrote several short entry... but never actually published it.... nevermind... will publish it as soon as i get hold of my laptop back :)

for now... i am just writing several short entries to keep you all happy :)

I have technology aid..

The last time i wrote and divulged my sadness on the lack of everything upon my being in a new clinic... that was so sad...and i got several response.

However, i am happy to report now what i have a NEW computer and a PRINTER... of which are of HP brand... and are all mine :)

I no longer have to walk all the way to the dietetic department or the admin building just to print a letter for a patient... or when i needed to write a report :)

I am much happier... thank you to the ever so understanding CEO of SSBH :) thank you to the appropriate body for finally realising the dreams of many :P

I'm a happy bunny :P until disaster strikes! hahahahaha...

klutz day???

OH MY GOD! WHAT IS IT? KLUTZ DAY???

Today, i wore this nice HOT pink baju kedah i have worn maybe twice.... i look very very nice... despite being HEAVY!

Anyways... i had a patient at 8.... and i was sitting on this small table with my kid when i heard..."PRAAAAKKKKK".....

Thank god the kid was oblivious!!!

Luckily i always keep a wrap in the clinic because it gets cold... so i wrapped it around my waist and drive home to change. Instead, i just put on a pair of black pants...

what is happening? Yesterday i got locked in... and today i skirt gave way!!!

:)

locked in today....

At lunch today, i went to do some stationery shopping. I brought along my office keys. As usual, I stayed on after office hours to do more work. At 5 plus, i decided i was hungry and wanted to go home. I was ready to go when i realised i left my office keys in the car. I was LOCKED IN!!!

I tried to open the windows and jump out of it.... but i am afraid of heights so that plan was abandoned as easily as it was conjured. I looked out for other ways to get out, but found none... and so... i had to called the nurse (whom is luckily picking up her kids from Ugama school to open the door for me!) We had a good laugh!

I am cancelling my holidays in June to exchange it for when my sister returns home... perhaps, if luck prevails, even go to KL with her.... fingers crossed...

Admin work

At the beginning of every month, I allocate 2 solid days for admin work. This includes registering new patients into the database, offering new appointments and also writing appointment letters. A big part of the admin day is doing the monthly statistics.

I actually enjoy these activities. They are so mundane... it need not much brain activity. I can do this.

Other admin work includes patient writing up, report writing, calling patients, referrig patients and more....

I think i enjoy doing MY admin work..... perhaps I should have an admin day weekly.

Today, i did something special... I did the contact number of all the departments in the hospital and its heads :) i enjoyed it... it really is no brainer... having a change of work is refreshing :)

today...

I did something i rarely do... clean up the bedroom... Oh sure i change the sheets, sweep the floor.. but i dont make it a daily task to put away clothing into the cupboard... or arrange them in colour or codes etc.

Woke up early and decided to clean up my mess... and i did..
i hung all my baju kurong....
I folded all my pants and shirts and put them away...
folded my intimate stuff and put them away...
changed the bedsheets...
coordinated my wardrobe by colour, from warm to cool...

The rest of the day... i watched TV... and do nothing!