Blog: An insight to the soul? Daring or stupid?

This ‘blog’ business is new to me… but keeping a private journal is not. I used to keep journals since I was in primary school... I was inspired by Ann Frank… thinking someone would want to read it many years later…. Someone did read it… and it comes in the form of my nosy sister(s) as I don’t have actual proof they did what they were not supposed to do as it was sacred and private, but instincts told me they KNOW!

I used to pour my heart out into my diaries… sometimes I even imagine I am writing letters to a dear friend that knows exactly what I am thinking! (I was lonely even as a child!) Sometimes I imagined a twin sister that I could bring to discuss on some topics that felt ‘heavy’ to be discussed openly! I don’t know what I was doing,… but self expression in the form of writing suited me well as it did not hurt anyone even if I lashed out my anger… and I didn’t have to reveal much but still feel as if I have shared my problems, worries and desires.

I had the chance to read my old diaries… and these old feelings… the feeling of when I wrote something, came flooding back… I knew exactly what I was thinking and feeling then… I even understood my rational… rarely do you understand why you did something you did in the past, but I did and DO! Tears did fall when I read about my ‘crush’… sigh… gone were the simple life of being a child!

I stopped writing, but recently picked it up again. But I am not as a regular writer as I used to… and self expression is much more difficult… expressive words are more difficult to described or pin-pointed! However, this method of self expression and dumping excess baggage works to elevate some stress and strains of life…

This blog, is one method of self expression, where I try to expose my feelings and emotions, ideas and thoughts as well as opinions…. BUT I still keep a private one where I get to ‘bitch’ about people on my own, in my own head… as well as plan devious revenge plans to work on my anger and temper….

The only other blog I read was my youngest sister’s and her friend’s blog. (and of course a friend of mine). I was suggested to read another blog, which happened to belong to a friend of a friend. I enjoyed reading it… it was very heart-felt… it was expressive… it was reflective… sad… happy… and eventful…

It was then that I realized… from reading someone else’s blog… you get to know what’s in their brains… what they are thinking of… the personality they emit… you can even try to understand how they try to understand the problems they face… It gives you greater insight to someone else’s soul… and that FREAKED me out!!!

I suddenly thought… OH MY GOD!!!! Some one is reading my blog and will think I am a LUNATIC WOMAN!!!! The thought of someone else reading my thoughts and experiences that I have gone through… For them to understand how my mind ticks… how I reacted to different stimuli… it was just surreal!!! I felt…. Not threaten… but imposed upon… Strange as it may sound, but I suddenly felt like my privacy had been invaded!!!

It took me several long moments to think…. Think about what I have done… What I am going to do next... Am I to continue? Do I feel as if my privacy had been breached?

……..… but I understood that anything anybody has to read or have read had all been written by me… I must have, on a deeper but basic level, thought things out and agreed it is ‘okay’ to be a little exposed…

So to answer my own questions… I am going to continue writing as much as I can and as often as possible… My privacy had not been breached (he he he) since I am the only one guilty of exposing myself!!! … I came to the conclusion that I am just trying to reach out to others and make them understand and comprehend the mind of the ‘simple’ girl.

In the end, it depends on how you view the glass.... Is it half empty or half full??? It is daring or stupid?