Relationships: Contract? Annual Review?

I was having my weekly dinner with some friends when the topic of relationship came up… We were having pizza in this family restaurant with kids running around… and here were 7 boisterous adults talking about what they think they know about relationships!

There were only 2 men present, and the rest were ladies… we gave equal opportunities to the men to have their say and tell us what they wanted in their own unique relationship they have with their special someone.

One guy brought up annual-like ‘appraisal’. Its like both parties gets to analyse the other person, and draw up something say in the categories of weakness / strength / improvements / recommendations. Then they get to discuss this with their partners. This may sound too ‘clinical’ and business like… but I LOVED the idea as I have the same thoughts!!!

Why should relationships be any different? It requires people to work together… its teamwork... so its best to know whether you are suitable and is able to accept strengths and weaknesses and work alongside and together with them to improve each other… and because people change… I only feel it is appropriate that annual appraisal be considered!

I, myself, term it ‘contract’. And I silently have contracts with all my friends… Isn’t friendship a type of relationship? And don’t we all agree we change, as do our friends? I also have an annual appraisal of my friends… and this is usually done privately in my mind… I usually think about what they meant to me… how they meant to me… how the relationship grow(s)… do we understand each other, etc. There are so many questions that I have to go through…

Some friendship fails the contract clause… and we grow apart (NOT Because I was rigid following my ‘contract’ but because we have grown distant and it shows when you analyse your relationships. You just know!) It saddens me when this happens… I do not ‘throw/dump’ old contracts… instead; I file them nicely in a cabinet…. You never know when you may need each other one day…

I met this new person online just a few months ago… and I suggested we be friends and learn to get to know each other. I stated rules I like to be present in the conditions and circumstances we are in at the moment… (Simple rules such as no crude talk… etc.) and I told him, the rules can be changed once its time to review our friendship contract. If say, we still are able to tolerate each other, able to communicate on to a different level, there will be a contract review which gives both of us more opportunities to learn about each other. But if we are not comfortable with each other, the old contract persists and both parties are still safe and benefit from it. As well as protected!!!

The way I see it… there are no losers in this ‘game’. Only winners… not only are you communicating healthily… you get to learn more about each other.

I may be single… but one of my favourite past-time is buying and reading books about relationships… not the heavy duty ones… but simple ones that you can actually understand and learn. I read books both in Malay and in English… and almost every time, they recommend an open communication… and recently, 2 books of mine suggested a similar concept to the ones I have mentioned above that are practiced by my friend and I.

If the experts had suggested it… it definitely is of no harm to try… I have practised this routine for years and it has not failed me yet… In fact, it strengthens some bonds…. And made me realised some bonds are meant to be just so or broken off as it is unhealthy to drag along “excess baggages”…

It definitely was an interesting dinner that night… and conversation were brilliant… 3 of the people in the group were my own family members (1 sister and 2 cousins; maternal and paternal cousins). As we were having the conversation that night, I started thinking…. “Yeah!! These are friends that I can keep” :) PLUS I can’t actually say any different because they know who they are and are reading this now. :P ha ha ha…. But really… friends like this… comes rarely in life!!! Until the next contract review guys!!! All the best!!!