Emotionally, i have been through many things... its was excruciatingly painful, humiliating, felt betrayed, was an opener ... I was glad i am working as it gives me the opportunity to 'run' and 'hide' from things i wasn't ready or prepared to confront and work through...

I felt like such a 'loser'... like... i made all the mistakes that i could not understand it... My brain could not compute it that it shuts down... I even experienced self-doubt!!! for a while, numbness was what i felt... and it gets you through the motions of the daily routine...

Last week, I spent the day with the kids... they were so full of life! They slept over... and i played carer for the night. I cooked, cleaned, prepare bed, bath, watch tv, talked and played, did not sleep a wink... and it started VERY early again the next day!

Though kids exhausts you... they made you angry.... but they can be loving too....

a niece said, "Aunty M... I love your toilet!" - i smiled!

Another said, "Can i sleep here forever? - Obviously NO! but, its sweet to be thought of as nice... as compared to being nothing in other's eyes and/or opinions.

Kids also gives you hugs and kisses... i love them all...

I'm in and out of my phases... There are good days... there are bad days...