Final working day in RIPAS

It never occured to me that one day I would be leaving RIPAS Hospital. I have always thought my life starts and ends there... I have resigned to the fate that I would forever be slaving myself to the society of Brunei-Muara District... Somehow, this realisation of what I thought my life's plan was, changed in May, while I was holidaying in Kota Kinabalu with friends for the weekend!

Though I have suggested the idea several years ago, I never thought that it would, one day, come back its way to me... and was given a chance to realise a dream... an aspiration, I thought I wanted to do... Has all that changed? YES, it has... and as for now, I am not sure what i want to do in life... Living without a plan is something I am not used to... I have always had a life's plan...

How do I feel about moving to Kuala Belait now? I am not sure... Sometimes i feel it as a blessing, because it is an easy way out of something uncomfortable, that has been going on for a while now.. It is also a blessing to be given this rare opportunity to start something new... where you can do anything and everything... so its your chance to show the country that you can do this... singlehandly :P

But I know I am going to miss comforts Bandar Seri Begawan offers me... What you may ask... well... for instance, the great arrays and choices of shops, restaurants, bookstores etc... and also having my family and some friends close and near, even if i do not talk to them daily!

A few weeks ago, I started to clear my stuffs and table again, after talking a break from it. I finally managed to clear EVERY single paper and book into boxes and transfered them to KB Hospital. It was very emotional for me... I didn't think that I would miss my table so much... As of today, I've been working in the clinic, using the same table (not necessarily the same spot) for 6 years 6 months and 7 days. (I should have blogged yesterday, I would have gotten a nice number)

I felt this sudden sadness overwhelming me... I am going to miss my table so much... I am going to miss the computers that don't work (because i won't have any), missing the photocopier the most... and delicious food prepared every morning by the diligent Mak Cik, who's aim in life is to fatten you up! I am not complaining :P

I have transfered cases of my current case load to a collegue and I am going to miss them dearly. Most of them are sweethearts... and I am going to miss the hugs... and wet kisses, on the cheeks and the lips :P Most of all, I am going to miss my regulars, whom have been undergoing training for several years... I wish them well... and progress progress progress...

I am not going to have a farewell party as suggested because I will ony be in Kuala Belait, and that, the last time i checked, is still part of Brunei Darussalam!!! A lot of people have been asking when i would be having this 'party'... never... unless i am marying a foreigner and he is whisking me back to his exotic land...

And i am not going to say goodbye(s) to all the rest... because its not exctly goodbye is it... we will still be working together, as a team, working and striving together to make an individual better and 'normalise'his everyday functions, activities and communications...

As of today, my clinic in KB is still table and chair-less... computer-less, toy-less, file-less, appointment card-less and more... I'll blog more to tell you how interesting working life is in Kuala Belait... For now, i won't complain as i need to familiarise myself with the new place and system, and get to know the right people to get things done... I also need to unpack... sigh....

I only hope i won't feel so lonely and desolated there...

Bye RIPAS Hospital...

Bye Bandar Seri Begawan...

Bye Gadong...

Bye Delima...

Bye home.....

Hello Kuala Belait...

Brunei Darussalam's YL and AYL for SSEAYP 2006. 

I had 2 interesting chats with friends on MSN today :) One with a friend abroad... and another with a friend just a few blocks away...

With the local friend a few blocks away, i was chatting / talking about work... and how i am not quite happy being where I am and doing things i am doing... through much chat... its the limitations they put on the work that frustrates me!!!

I also believe i still have passion hidden in me.. dying to get out to do something outrageous... something signifiant... and is dying to be given a chance... but when... its dying... literally... its sad as i know i have a lot to offer!

We also exchanged some common dirt about a superior that we know is commonly hated by all through out the ministry :) sigh.. I don't understand why that became so (I am one of those person whom hate this person) but we have just reasons...

The local friend also added that perhaps KB may offer me something that i am looking for... that it would probably give me a boost to appreciate what i am doing... Funny enough, the friend abroad also said the same thing... Great minds do think alike... despite them not knowing each other...

A friend is willing to give 1K to set up facilities for me and my kids and patients in KB. I was initially jumping for joy and accepted like a leach on to skin... i immediately have this vision of things i may need for the cllinic.... but then.. i got thinking.... can i accept it? is it okay with the government policy?? I may need to ask someone about that...

Getting back to this friend of mine abroad... we were talking about work... and specifically office politics... We agreed though our departments are small, but we have our fair share of problems and mis-communications. All have their own ideas on how to improve or unwillingness to change a 'good' thing... hence in the end, all are frustrated... nothing is achieved. An empty discussion...

we also talked about criticisms given by patients regarding our services. More of what my patient thinks of this friend's services. I was asked not to sugar coat it... and i did try my best... its not always easy being truthful... it hurts... but for the good of all, it has to be said. And having a good head on her, she sees rooms for improvements from the suggestions given. Such is an attitude to be admired and followed by all!

Ineffencies in the running of the service as well as our 'kids' is just a source of embarassment to me... and now, to her as well. Comparing services provided in other places i have worked in as a student, with less facilities... its very very embarassing... PLUS they give intensive therapy to SEVERE intellectually CHALLENGED individuals :)

I also talked about bad practices carried out by the staffs... They like to dismiss a person without examining the person as a whole... they also talk "bad" up to a point of backstabbing a person... then comes the question of what is meant by backstabbing... and how it may affect an individual... its an eye-opener experience to this friend to know it actually happened.... inserted is a piece of chat i had earlier on the night: (some editing required to make it short and protect information)

Me: Let me share and tell you that its not only 'you' that is having problems within the dept.... we also have our fair share of misunderstanding, distrust, backstabbing etc.

Friend: iatah kan.. we dont have backstabbing.. well not to my knowledge as yet but ntah.. i guess alot of distrust and misunderstanding

Me: *wink* I THINK ada BACKSTABBING. in your dept that is

friend: ada kan

Me: The center is full of it

Friend: relly? well, the center yes... no offense... but my dept ?

Me: YES and I can say I am VERY sure of that

Friend: i must be blind. either that or I am not a good in my job at all for I cannot sense it

Me: *hugs* I was blind to office politics until explained to me

Friend: or maybe i was in denial huh. between the three of us in the dept meela, i can say there are alot of frustrations. sometime it escalates to irritation.. i myself tried to avoid it but entah ah..

Me: what i meant by backstabbing (and this is just an example... not untuk memburukan keadaaan... and by no means should be quoted) is like (for example) A talking about B's weaknesses.... behind her back amongst her collegues whom shuld respect her but don't because of this...

Friend: is that backstabbing?

Me: unintetional gossiping is BACKSTABBING in the truest form....

Friend: u see i dont count that as backstabbing.. i see that as venting the frustrations. so if the person i talk abt ask me i wud tell her exactly what i said

Me: it changes people's prespective... he he he.... if it was meant to be in the nicest sense as mentioned above, venting frustrations, i suppose its okay... but must it be done within the WHOLE community of collegues to know???? and spread the word viciously accross the community to the hospitals? can't we just vent to our families and dearest friends?

Friend: oh my god! across community to the hospital!! then that's backstabbing!!

What i failed to mention is... we also have BACKSTABBING in my department. Why do we have this culture? Its unhealthy not to mention demotivating... plus its what we call FITNAH!!! Why?

the conversation ended with both of us aspiring to do something about it, but unsure whom would listen to us. As if our head would even entertain the ideas I had to overcome this problem a step at a time! I really need to do something more worth while than this...

26 years to pension...

Yesterday, my makcik threw me a goodbye party… She cooked from home and all of it delicious. BUT, because I had to send my parents’ amah home, I was late coming to the hospital. Some had eaten already (I told them to eat first as I knew I would be late) but others waited for me or sat around me while I ate up.

Soon after, we had a chat… as always, our conversation is interesting... that day... our conversation led to PENSION - when. what do we do. Plans and such...

A friend of mine joined the army after working in Health for a while. In the army, after working for 15-20 years, you can retire and may get half or full pension respectively. so.. if this friend is to quit after 15 years of working... that would mean another 8 years for him.

We started work in the same year... and he is retiring before me!!! and getting paid as well!!! As for me, I have to wait for another 26 years before i retire!!! How fair is that???

SIGH... it really is depressing to think about all these...

As we continued the conversation, this friend continued to talk about what he may plan to do after he retires... He wasn't sure if he would... but if he is no longer required... he was thinking of doing something else... lucrative is THE word in his mind!

If i have the same choice, i probably would do the same thing. Then... the conversation moved quiet nicely into marriage....

He said, that is why girls have to find someone RICH that can support us even if we are not working... He suggested that i try my luck in Malaysia (as the songstress of Malaysia did find her trophy rich man...) But i told him... THAT type of behaviour turns me off...

I not necessarily want a rich man... I want a man that i can talk to about things... one that do things with me... like housework... sigh.. why am i talking about this..

anyways... I was thinking... I still have 26 long years to work as a government servant... What am i to do? Its not like i do not like working... its just that its another 26 years of SHIT and most of them would be MAJOR shit.... can i survive that???

If i have the same option, i would gladly retire (as it is now.. i feel i should retire :P) What would i do... I dunno... maybe work but do something that makes me happy and not get CRAP and SHIT out of it... and that i have a choice to stay or not... sigh....

Anyone else have thoughts about retiring? and what you would do if and when you retire?

Half of the dishes we get to eat on our first day in China. Every meal time (except breakfast) we get to eat 13 0r 14 course meal. and the man dressed in white at the back is Aliuddin(Our muslim chef) 

The conference hall for the forum 

Outside the hall to the conference 

This is just 2 step outside my hotel in JiangChen... That is a picture of a freshwater lake... and that in the midle is an island.... there is a hidden city underneath the lake... 

traditional way of smoking in CHina 

He made me a butterfly... i requested for it. It took him less than 30 seconds to produce it. 

He made a dragon for Yaumil 

US, with the master... he made all of us a little something for as little as 1 yuen each... that is probably like 20 cents or something 

this is the room where we had our forum. its a big room... but because the temperature outside was 18 degress celcius.. they decided to switch off the air-con. I was sitting IN FRONT! I was boiling and almost fainted! 

a unique lion dance exhibited for us... different from the ones i saw in Brunei.. and more artful and skillful 

on the way to the mountains, these ethenic chinese lined up the first few meters... they are gorgeous 

these two ladies behind me are 100 and 105 years old. They never got married. they curahkan theri life to the art of music 

something like this picture made the second page of Yuxi Daily news paper.. i brought it home as souvineer 

this is the park we went to.... 

One of the arches of gateway to the top of the mountain... i was sooooo tired by the time i reached the top... 

This tree is about 500 hundred years old... it spewed honey and the ants eat it away... that is why the bark is uniquely shaped 

this seat is supposed to add 100 years to your life.... I should not have sat on it... but i was too tired.... good trick 

I've climed a mountain to see this and many more... I was too exhausted to take pictures... but because this reminded me of CERITA CINA.. i just had to take a picture... 

We were singing in the bus... all the countries of ASEAN had to sing.... except Malaysia... Spoils sport! 

This is the rich part of Yuxi Xity 

This is the Bruneian team... crazy as always :) I like this team, despited flaws :) less stressful 

One of the interesting stories to tell about china is the toilet. and this is me in the toilet, standing... after doing my bussiness... with another lady next door... he he he he... if you understand "maksiat mata" that is what i am exposed to ;P 

The school children also lined up the street where we were walking down... it reminded me of Brunei ;) 

This is a Minority Chinese from one of the tribe from the mountains. again... a line of boys from this tribe lined up the street to the garden