I had 2 interesting chats with friends on MSN today :) One with a friend abroad... and another with a friend just a few blocks away...

With the local friend a few blocks away, i was chatting / talking about work... and how i am not quite happy being where I am and doing things i am doing... through much chat... its the limitations they put on the work that frustrates me!!!

I also believe i still have passion hidden in me.. dying to get out to do something outrageous... something signifiant... and is dying to be given a chance... but when... its dying... literally... its sad as i know i have a lot to offer!

We also exchanged some common dirt about a superior that we know is commonly hated by all through out the ministry :) sigh.. I don't understand why that became so (I am one of those person whom hate this person) but we have just reasons...

The local friend also added that perhaps KB may offer me something that i am looking for... that it would probably give me a boost to appreciate what i am doing... Funny enough, the friend abroad also said the same thing... Great minds do think alike... despite them not knowing each other...

A friend is willing to give 1K to set up facilities for me and my kids and patients in KB. I was initially jumping for joy and accepted like a leach on to skin... i immediately have this vision of things i may need for the cllinic.... but then.. i got thinking.... can i accept it? is it okay with the government policy?? I may need to ask someone about that...

Getting back to this friend of mine abroad... we were talking about work... and specifically office politics... We agreed though our departments are small, but we have our fair share of problems and mis-communications. All have their own ideas on how to improve or unwillingness to change a 'good' thing... hence in the end, all are frustrated... nothing is achieved. An empty discussion...

we also talked about criticisms given by patients regarding our services. More of what my patient thinks of this friend's services. I was asked not to sugar coat it... and i did try my best... its not always easy being truthful... it hurts... but for the good of all, it has to be said. And having a good head on her, she sees rooms for improvements from the suggestions given. Such is an attitude to be admired and followed by all!

Ineffencies in the running of the service as well as our 'kids' is just a source of embarassment to me... and now, to her as well. Comparing services provided in other places i have worked in as a student, with less facilities... its very very embarassing... PLUS they give intensive therapy to SEVERE intellectually CHALLENGED individuals :)

I also talked about bad practices carried out by the staffs... They like to dismiss a person without examining the person as a whole... they also talk "bad" up to a point of backstabbing a person... then comes the question of what is meant by backstabbing... and how it may affect an individual... its an eye-opener experience to this friend to know it actually happened.... inserted is a piece of chat i had earlier on the night: (some editing required to make it short and protect information)

Me: Let me share and tell you that its not only 'you' that is having problems within the dept.... we also have our fair share of misunderstanding, distrust, backstabbing etc.

Friend: iatah kan.. we dont have backstabbing.. well not to my knowledge as yet but ntah.. i guess alot of distrust and misunderstanding

Me: *wink* I THINK ada BACKSTABBING. in your dept that is

friend: ada kan

Me: The center is full of it

Friend: relly? well, the center yes... no offense... but my dept ?

Me: YES and I can say I am VERY sure of that

Friend: i must be blind. either that or I am not a good in my job at all for I cannot sense it

Me: *hugs* I was blind to office politics until explained to me

Friend: or maybe i was in denial huh. between the three of us in the dept meela, i can say there are alot of frustrations. sometime it escalates to irritation.. i myself tried to avoid it but entah ah..

Me: what i meant by backstabbing (and this is just an example... not untuk memburukan keadaaan... and by no means should be quoted) is like (for example) A talking about B's weaknesses.... behind her back amongst her collegues whom shuld respect her but don't because of this...

Friend: is that backstabbing?

Me: unintetional gossiping is BACKSTABBING in the truest form....

Friend: u see i dont count that as backstabbing.. i see that as venting the frustrations. so if the person i talk abt ask me i wud tell her exactly what i said

Me: it changes people's prespective... he he he.... if it was meant to be in the nicest sense as mentioned above, venting frustrations, i suppose its okay... but must it be done within the WHOLE community of collegues to know???? and spread the word viciously accross the community to the hospitals? can't we just vent to our families and dearest friends?

Friend: oh my god! across community to the hospital!! then that's backstabbing!!

What i failed to mention is... we also have BACKSTABBING in my department. Why do we have this culture? Its unhealthy not to mention demotivating... plus its what we call FITNAH!!! Why?

the conversation ended with both of us aspiring to do something about it, but unsure whom would listen to us. As if our head would even entertain the ideas I had to overcome this problem a step at a time! I really need to do something more worth while than this...