Reminiscing Part 2

Part of reminiscing is you look back on what had happened in your life, and what a better record of my past than browsing through this blog. I had documented bits of my life for a certain period but recent ones are unrecorded but I remember parts of it very clearly. 

Just looking through bits of it - there are few things I realised. 

1. I have a way with words - it paints a picture. 
2. I have had good vocabulary - I amazed myself  as I read through my own stories. 
3. I share chain mails - copy & paste onto the blog especially if it had something to share. 
4. I made so many spelling and typing mistakes - should have spell check before i post; but in my defense, i write at night and is often 
5. Grammar can be bad - hahahahahah! I cringe when i re-read some sentences. 
6. I am opinionated - still am!
7. Thinks the world is perfect - rose tinted glasses!!!
8. I had periods of fav fonts - still do!
9. I can be funny but I can also be depressing!!!
10. I skate around the think ice - Topics are the truth, just there is a deeper as i read my own words i remember and i know... (Somethings are not to be written on paper and if you remember, you remember.)

Life is not always a bed of roses. Things happen... Some good, some not so good. Some you record. Some you lie about so it doesn't hurt as bad. Somethings scars you for life - its a lie that says time heals. The truth is... time dullens the pain, but its still there. and memories revives what you went through. and memories can be bad... theres that thing you do that you think its all you and its your fault and that you could have done something about it. But you didn't. Its called self-destruction! But you have to be stronger than that - easier said than done, but it can be. Do you have the strength? 

 

Reminiscing

Its been a long day at work and I deserved to rest today. I had a burger with coke zero for dinner while switching on Netflix to watch a no brainer movie to unwind.... to sleep. 

Serendipitously, on the screen of my phone, a movie I watched more than a decade ago.... A movie that brought back memories... used to bring curses on my lips and sometimes tears...

Now, i just chalk it down to life experience. Through pain or life experiences we kindly call it after decades of numbness, we get to tell great stories... pretend to learn from mistakes, understand our young selves and figure out what was going on and why we made those choices thus improving one self.... or just kill yourself over and over again while you relive the memories. 

The  movie was called Serendipity. I must have watched it 3x in this lifetime. Once with a group of people. Secondly, when I was heart broken in my late 20's and thirdly, today while in the tub having a soak. 

The movie it self... its nice. Its heartfelt. Its exactly a movie for someone like me... a softie or better known as a sucker... a romantic. A dreamer. 

 The definition of serendipity is a happy accident. The and the movie was depictive perfectly, I thought. It was fast paced and you  feel invested in the main characters and you want them to achieve the goal... the happy, perfect accident. Secretly we all want that for ourselves. I don't think I have ever been brave enough to voice out my wish of a serendipitous ending or even story verbally to anyone. Bravery is important to weild happiness. You can't expect something out of nothing. Effort is important too.

Any ways, I was interested in this younger man that was introduced into a group of friends. Initially,  another friend was interested in him so I stayed clear. The friend wanted some help to decipher if he was interested so I meddled a bit to find out but he wasn't. My friend moved on yet we ended up closer. Up to a point we would hangout most days, watch movies, chat, dine,  pray, play games, met each other's friends, met each other's families by chance of course.

Painfully, after few months, I find out that he likes another person he met at his new work interview and went throigh training together. They ended up together so its great for them. 

Me...  I ended up gaining experience and heartbroken. Yes, I cursed him for being a jerk... stringing me along... but thinking back... he never said he liked me. Never said we were going om a date. He was just being friendly and I over read the situation. Bad on me. Lesson learnt. Barriers! Limitations! Less trusting!

Years later... at Empire Cinema, leaving the theater after watching a Harry Potter movie with Burt and Khairul... I saw him outside waiting to go in with his wife. Again, he was friendly and chatty. I did stop out of shock but also politeness but i left abruptly, running after the boys and gave a weak lame excuse to go. I am a coward... i cant do it... it just brought unpleasant memory of me being stupid. 

I heard of him... Brunei is too small to avoid each other completely. But i have not seen him since.... I don't think I would like to anyways... the past should stay in the past. 

Thoughts...

In my line of work, you see all sort of things that usually is not discussed... things that happen behind closed doors... things that people sometimes do not even know happens in their own family... things that shook you. It can be embarassing or devestating... always to those involved or looking from outside in!

I am far from perfect and my family have its own skeletons that we don't share or air with people outside our circle. I guess... this is a norm. 

There are many others that would share details of hardship...  it could be freeing to share, even important and life saving...  its humbling to hear their stories... it always makes me feel lucky. 

I had a new stroke patient - a lady in her 60s...my receptionist was trying to schedule a teleconsultation, but was received with a cold answer 'Is it necessary?' And my response was 'Yes because you were referred.'

On the day of counsultation, i called... many times.... no answer! So i texted and gave options... to reschedule... to decline help. Many hours later, the husband answered and declined intervention. I accepted and recorded it. 

But... as a person... I feel sad. I see this happenning too many times. Why wont you help her?

Generally, the trend is... 

A wife will look after and care for the husband, while the husband would not necessarily do so. Though there are excellent husbands out there and i have seen a handful, there are equally horrible wives out there.... Don't get me started!

An adopted child would look after his adoptive mother, while a woman with many children finds it difficult to get just one child to look after her. Again... there are many cases where natural kids do look after their old. 

We live in a strange world... values are not the same... not even close.... but we share the same culture, religion and common values of the land... and yet, we are so very different. 

Yet, I have a friend whom is not of this culture, not of the same religion, grew up differently from me, not of the same continent, experiences different climate, different languages... yet our values align...