Reminiscing

Its been a long day at work and I deserved to rest today. I had a burger with coke zero for dinner while switching on Netflix to watch a no brainer movie to unwind.... to sleep. 

Serendipitously, on the screen of my phone, a movie I watched more than a decade ago.... A movie that brought back memories... used to bring curses on my lips and sometimes tears...

Now, i just chalk it down to life experience. Through pain or life experiences we kindly call it after decades of numbness, we get to tell great stories... pretend to learn from mistakes, understand our young selves and figure out what was going on and why we made those choices thus improving one self.... or just kill yourself over and over again while you relive the memories. 

The  movie was called Serendipity. I must have watched it 3x in this lifetime. Once with a group of people. Secondly, when I was heart broken in my late 20's and thirdly, today while in the tub having a soak. 

The movie it self... its nice. Its heartfelt. Its exactly a movie for someone like me... a softie or better known as a sucker... a romantic. A dreamer. 

 The definition of serendipity is a happy accident. The and the movie was depictive perfectly, I thought. It was fast paced and you  feel invested in the main characters and you want them to achieve the goal... the happy, perfect accident. Secretly we all want that for ourselves. I don't think I have ever been brave enough to voice out my wish of a serendipitous ending or even story verbally to anyone. Bravery is important to weild happiness. You can't expect something out of nothing. Effort is important too.

Any ways, I was interested in this younger man that was introduced into a group of friends. Initially,  another friend was interested in him so I stayed clear. The friend wanted some help to decipher if he was interested so I meddled a bit to find out but he wasn't. My friend moved on yet we ended up closer. Up to a point we would hangout most days, watch movies, chat, dine,  pray, play games, met each other's friends, met each other's families by chance of course.

Painfully, after few months, I find out that he likes another person he met at his new work interview and went throigh training together. They ended up together so its great for them. 

Me...  I ended up gaining experience and heartbroken. Yes, I cursed him for being a jerk... stringing me along... but thinking back... he never said he liked me. Never said we were going om a date. He was just being friendly and I over read the situation. Bad on me. Lesson learnt. Barriers! Limitations! Less trusting!

Years later... at Empire Cinema, leaving the theater after watching a Harry Potter movie with Burt and Khairul... I saw him outside waiting to go in with his wife. Again, he was friendly and chatty. I did stop out of shock but also politeness but i left abruptly, running after the boys and gave a weak lame excuse to go. I am a coward... i cant do it... it just brought unpleasant memory of me being stupid. 

I heard of him... Brunei is too small to avoid each other completely. But i have not seen him since.... I don't think I would like to anyways... the past should stay in the past.