I am unwell. Sneezing. Coughing. Runny nose. A bit of blocked nose. Slightly pounding head.

In the kg clinic at the moment waiting for my turn.

Alhamdulillah... i have my period at the same time... so i can drink and hydrate. Others probably are not as lucky as I. Alhamdulillah 😊

Happy birthday to me...

a year older... some say a year wiser...

I dont feel older. Nor do i feel wiser. I feel helpless. I feel afloat ... adrift... somewhere... i am breathing... i am alive.. but... what am i doing???

some ppl greeted me... some family members greeted me.... most forgot.... most don't care.

Someone earlier in the month... someone from my past... rekindled briefly... he remembered then... no greetings.

Someone i though wouldnt greet me.. did.

Someone whom most of the time on my mind... didnt. Forgot too.

I am a forgetable person.

Its sad to be alone... sadder thinking you are alone. No one around. No one to share what you are thinking or feeling. Sadder feeling no one to call your own... that does not judge you. Accepts you as you are, flaws, quirkeness and all..

Who do you trust and share your heart? Who do you trust your heart to without it being crushed?

Someone you think you know for years can easily break it with few exchanges... unknowingly??? Once broken... its unfixable? Perhaps... fixable... but its not the same.

Someone you knew for awhile... thought you knew and share lots of things with... then became someone you don't know. A stranger... when did that happen??

Someone you barely knew... trusted and believed... stabs you.. because of your own stupidity...

We are taught to be grateful for what happened.. God knows better... I am grateful to be alive.

I feel like i am left a message that i am unable to decipher.  My self esteem is on an all low... is it me? I am such a bad person that people leave me... dismiss me... hurt me... unworthy...

i pray for strength... i pray for forgiveness... i try to mend and patch my broken heart... its patchy...

i want to be better... can i be better?

what exactly needs changing?

How can i change it?

Being alone is not good... especially for me. Voice inside rebels... cries... screams... i blame me... i am sad... not just  feeling it but figuratively too...

I m sleepyyy

I wanna talk..

But tired..

Try soon....