Feeling emotional and sore...

When i clicked onto this page, i knew i wanted to say something... but as i stare at this blank page... my thoughts ran as blank as the page...

When i was on the Youth Ship, a guy friend once told me that I am "different" from the normal female species he has met... and he has met a few... He and the group think and felt that i am Opinionated and LOUD... He also said that it is not a trait that BRUNEIAN MEN appreciate very much. I am not sure if they are threathen by this quality but I do know they dont like it. Its one of those qualities they dislike i think... i can't seem to remember much but it goes something like that... hence, most of the men on the trip dislike me... I do not take heart... Someone is bound to not like me right... and you can't make people like you if they don't... acceptance is what life is all about...

My sisters and family and friends think i am opinionated... but they accept me as I am. Having strong opinions and not being afraid to voice them is not a crime and i refuse to change what i think is a GOOD trait i have. Having opinions is good... What good are opinions if you are not going to voice them... Obviously different people think differently... and hence when you have a difference in opinion, it does not mean that you are having a "fight" but merely an exchange of views in a healthy manner... It also makes you see things in a different light... and there is no wrong opinions as we all see the world with differently shaded glasses...

i never force someone to change their opinions to mine... but i do try to make them see sense in what i see... as i do try to see what sense they make of their world... hence the "banyak soalan" trait..

Again... Asking questions are not a crime... How else would you know someone if not through interactcion... and isn't asking questions about someone an interaction in itself... a form of commuincation in its most sophistication... BUT there are some out there that are uncomfortable with this tact... I don't understand why but it is not something i would force someone to do... "answer me now or else..." but you cannot demand that i do stop asking questions...

being you and being me is being comfortable in your own skin. If you are not... do you think others would? I am comfortable with me being "opinionated" (but i do think others are more so than me... I am just mild-moderate) and me asking a lot of questions (comes with the job too)... Why can't others be comfortable with that?

I am scarstic... and i do inject a lot of scarsm into my conversation... this makes me condesending to others... but scarsm again is just a way of communication. Obviously it is not for everyone... and a lot of us are sensitive about things like this... but it is something i only reserve for people i know well... and lower my barriers to...

If you cannot be yourself with people you know and love... what is the use of being you??? Even hollywood stars have to stop pretending and carrying an act around them all the time. If i can pretend all the time to be something that i am not just to protect other's feelings... i deserve all the oscars and globe awards in the world...

What is so wrong with me? I know i have flaws like others... and i never pretended to be perfect or something that i am not... i do not potray an image of hatred to others... and yet people do hurt my feelings often... To be liked is something but what i really want is to be understood... i cannot be something that i am not...

This is a public apology to those of you I may have hurt while knowing you... I do not intentionally and go out to hurt people's feelings but I have this bad trait that "attacks" people especially when angry or connered. To those who felt that i try to "brainwash" them through exchanging opinions and asking a lot of questions... I deeply and profusely apologise... Please tell me off if i do so the next time...

Life is too short to make enemies... and if i do make some... i atleast do not want them to be readers of the blog... If i die before any of you, please forgive me... as i do not hold any grudges with any of my readers or "real" friends... Friends i have only a few... and i cannot afford to lose them... you are like family to me... through thick and thin, we stay together...