So many things had happened to me that I do not care to elaborate more than necessary... I don't believe in a bad month... but i am having a bad time...

first, early on the month, i was dumped. Reasons were i am controlling and made this person uncomfortable and weird. and i ask a lot of questions... who made the decision: the other person. How did it happen: I have no idea... Why did it happen: I do not have any idea. Closure? None what so ever. The other person did not even have the courtesy to answer my sms when i asked for my books back... somehow, it is a blessing in disguise. Do you want to end up with a man whom cannot apologise personally... and backs out from a healthy discussion...

MEN ARE SUCH BASTARDS!

Next: problems at work are plenty. Not in the order of it happening... but i have been sucked into writing up my clinic's scheme of service... and i am not very happy with the man responsible of it all.... I thought he was this person i imagined... but he is not... BOY! am i suprised he turned out to be a sucker leach that only looks after his own interests, fuck what other's interests are or what and how it would affect their lives!!!

Then, my amah in the clinic is retiring and the admin is not replacing her. Some bullshit about not having any amah to replace! the one we have could not even take messages properly! Not that i mind so much because she looks after us well...

THEN... my clerk had been promoted and has been taken by JPM... ALL that training for several years... and she is gone just like that. My friend and I are left to manned the clinic by ourselves, i.e. be the therapist, amah, cleaner, receptionist, secretary of the other therapists as well as the clerk of the clinic... and many more... and she too is not being replaced!

OH... and if i need to go to the toilet, i have to lock the clinic and leave a note saying i am in the loo taking a piss and will be back in 2 minutes... or else the big indian boss would hunt me down and just break down the toilet door!

Not to mention the doctors in the wards giving me a headache... a difficult patient with tracheostomy and ventilator dependent insisted to be fed... like how do we assess a patint in that condition. I went mad looking for a protocol for such a procedure... and could not find any... Thank god we have the support of several good dr friends... that backed us up and said an assessment is unwarrenty and is indeed risking the patient's health. but does that particular doctor cares? of course not... "i take full responsibility"... ARGH.. DICK HEAD!

I lost my saving account book where my salery goes into...and had to make another new account... I have informed my ministry and thought the "gaji" section would look after it for me... and all i have to do it just report it in.... NO NO NO... since when does the ministry of health look after its own people... NO! They only look after their own fucking backside!! watch their own arse!

I had to go to the ministry of finance myself and clear all this mess up... and on top of that, i had to cancel my patients to get out of the clinic... and then patient would be complaining that i have cancelled them to do something personal and it would go to the ministry and they would have a talk to me why this would happen... I thought the idea of having administrative staffs are for them to look after the administrative side for us clinicians.... if we have to do everything by ourselves... why do we have them? Why the fucking hell is the government hiring and paying them to do shit work, where as i do more than my share, got stepped on more than i care to remember and count, and get paid less than i deserve!!!!!

What the fucking hell is wrong with everyone?

personal:
My grandfather (My dad's uncle) passed on yesterday. He is a very nice man... he is always kind to me... and smiles at me... he always offer me advice when i asked or not... he had faith in me... and i know he liked me :) because he said it often... he is proud of what i had becomed and achieved...

I was in the hospital the night before it all happened... I just came back from Kuala Belait (ANOTHER HEADACHE!) when i got a phonecall saying he is ill... he have been unwell for such a long time...

4 of my family members died this year already... I am afraid...

Oh my god...

aren't you fed up sometimes with life...

maybe i should be a leach sucking bitch so i won't have to reduce myself to doing a "degree" job for a "diploma" pay! fuck off all those up there who does nothing but suck their thumbs when commanded!...

and yes... a friend told me about security of whatever in blogs... what who cares... THIS SUCKS... we should look after one another... try and make life better for all... not have a one sided agenda and only look after yourself... where is that responsibility to look after the people who look up to you and hope you would care and do something about it... Do you know people are always hopeful that the administrators are doing something to make life better.... but we know the truth to that!!! Do you even care that they they suffer? Seriously... can you feed a family with only $1000 a month! Be realistic!

for now... all i want to say to most people is FUCK OFF! I hope you rot in hell! and remain there for eternity!!! until i change my mind that i would forgive you...