MY Enthusiasm

Today is the 29th of October and that means just a few more days before i get to travel around our region and meet new faces and attitudes. Most may be wondering if i am excited and psyched to go... the answer is an amazing 'NO'.

I don't know on the day itself... but right now, looking towards the future, the answer is still no... not excited and not very excited towards the prospect. Is it because we have trained too long? Is it because we have so many unfinished bussiness to do? Is it because I suddenly do not want to leave my "old"? Or has it got to do with the others not pulling their weight, not coming up to par with their work performances? and has it got to do with a major embarrasment for me on board the ship???

I suppose all of the above... and more so the last 2... I am not good at failing... and I am also not good at being given a 'scolding'... In my life, I have always done my best at any particular time... and failure is just not synonym with me... I had failed a paper once, and that was not a plesant experience! Again, I don't need a lot of scolding... I always do what i can and when I can... and also because I don't interfere a lot with things... but...

BUT... this program was suppose to give me a new leash towards life... give me a fresh beginning... a jump start to my already every-dying battery! It was supposed to be fun! easy! ongoing adventure!!! EXCITING!!! i tell you now... its TOO hyped! I may feel differently later, but now, this is how I feel... It zaps life out of me... emotions... its burdeoning as well!!! Financially, mentally and suprising not so physically!!!