PUASA

Last year's puasa was the BEST puasa I ever had... I was very motivated, i prayed everyday, i practised the rituals and I had friends... The raya was dampened a little, but it was still full of FUN. I won't ever forget it...

This year, however, is a bit sad... its not the same like last year... I have reduced my religious activities... (don't ask why...), I rarely have time for my friends and family... and I am just SOOOO tired!

Puasa is one of those month I always thought i have time to do things I always wanted because of the reduced time at work... I always thought its a time of reflection... time to get close to your family and friends, time to do something nice...

I carried on my ritual of bersedekah to my kids in the clinic as i know they look forward to that every year... I also participated in the routine bersedekah to the unfortunate... I also made plans to do my zakat and more... but its the different different things you do each year during the month to make it different from the others... that is which i have failed miserably this year!

Everyday, after work, I either go and window shop, or do some damage to my purse... OR I go home and slave myself in front of the TV! and while i do that, i work on something like wrapping souviners for the Youth Ship or make a list of things to do or other stuff that needs to think or something like that... It just so tiring...

I don't think I have cooked YET during this month!!! And I haven't been to any food stalls which is weird for me because that is one of my yearly routine... I am just NOT in the mood!!! and I LOVE food!!!

Yesterday, i was bored and went to watch movies with my cousin and a friend whom I kidnapped till the early hours of the morning... While we were waiting for the movie to start, we walked around... We came and walked into the shop called "SOLITTUDE" at the mall... Its been there forever, but its the first time i have been in... Its actually quite nice... There are millions of books i thought i would buy and read, if only for fun and knowledge!!! And there is no more complaints because everything is in ENGLISH! :) i bought 2 books and started reading immediately during Sungkai!

The bookstore is just the kind of environment you want to be in because it invites you to broaden your opinion and knowledge of the religion without imposing it on you! They also have like a mini section at the back to sit and read and its really really nice. It brought back feelings of wanting to do good, feelings of wanting to do more for human kind... and more... it really is a good place to be in... I'll definately drop by as soon as I finish my 2 books!

I realised that people in your suroundings rubs things on to you... last year, i was fortunate enough to know a guy that was nice enough to bring me places to pray and was very very encouraging. It made me open my eyes and see things differently... It was a nice invitation to see clearly :) This year, however, i think i seem to hang around different types of people and they seem to only make me angry, add more stress and anguish as well as less pious than the previous person i know... and this sort of influence you on some level.. and this makes me sad...

Just so you know... I am fighting my inner demonds as well as the external ones... Lets hope i turn out to be a good human, capable of HUGE things, to make a difference and more... in the mean time, i fast and do all the necessary things as much as I am capable of...