Love Actually...

I love watching movies... and one of the movies i just watched on TV was "Love Actually". I remember watching this movie at Empire with Agnes and Oha. One of those rare movies where we actually took the time to make a date between the three of us. It was a LOVELY movie then... and its a lovely movie now.... I've only watched it about 5 times now.

Every character in the movie is a cherished player. I love all the actors and actress... It makes the movie perfect... and the opening and ending of the story is just perfect. Its a movie about us... about people and their basic feeling... basic feeling everyone feels... despite different colour and languages we speak... I am talking about LOVE.

Sometimes, we have 'love' but we take them for granted that we forget to cherish it... until it feels as if we are going to lose it. Others, find love again and again. Others, are just miserable at finding love with another but their family members/friends.

Love is one of those emotions that ties you to another person... a feeling that makes you very human and one with feelings... Love also sometime teaches you personal 'lessons' in life and teaches you to make a good decisions. Love teaches you to love another... and cherish each other...

Inspite of having love, some are just unfortunate not to have any love and go through life without experiencing any 'loving' emotion... and this is just sad.... either loved by another person... or families... each and everyone of us should have the experience... but not all of us are that lucky!

I would be very lucky if i can only be loved like any one of the characters have been loved... I would be very lucky to find love... I would be very lucky indeed to have friends that love me inspite my shortcomings... I would be very lucky indeed if I am surrounded by loving family...

Like the movie itself... i really do hope that love is actually around us... that it protect us from making the biggest mistake we can ever make... That it engulfs you in this bubble of happiness that nothing matters except that you are surrounded by people you cherished (AND GOD!) and is always in an environment where you are always nutured.... such is my wish for myself...

I want to dish dirt... I have been dying to do so for at least a week... but my brain stopped me... kind of forced me to "NOT TO DO IT"... so I changed my mind. I can be a horrid person to "PISS OFF" but i have my senses - most of the time. At least my brain tells me not to do it, even if my feelings are strong about dissing someone whom had made my life HORRIBLE! and I know I can do a VERY GOOD job of spreading the word when i want to...

and since i cannot get over this constant anger i have and escalating... i have to let it go and talk about something else.

I was bored today... so i watched TV. Always watching TV and channel surfing until something caught my eye. and today, a movie on channel 40 caught my eye - Lorenzo's oil. I watched this movie at least 5 times.... over the span of 12 years...

Everytime i watch it... my eyes spontaneously swells... everytime i watch it... i understand in awe... I feel empathy... I feel for what they feel for their child... and the wanting to do and achieve better despite being turned down... I understand all that...

It makes we want to be a better person... It makes me want to live life better.. it makes me want to help people sincerely and more honestly... (NOT that I am not....)

I have been telling my patients slowly that I am moving to KB and their therapy intervention would be carried out and followed up by another therapist. Obviously, I reassured them i would discuss their plans explicitly with the new therapist. Its very heart warming to hear parents and patients both expressing their worry...

some said "Why are you going?", "What about us?", "How about my son's treatment? He has been doing so well.", "I see improvements with you.... how about the other therapist?"... etc...

I take these words of worry as compliments of my work and achievements... They know and felt results with me, inspite me working them hard... and obviously worries that my succesor is unable to carry the load.

One of my collegue is worried that I would transfer a lot of cases to her... as she do not want to be made comparison with... Meela Vs her... *wink* I thought its cute... and it warms my heart... i feel less anger building in me...

Sometimes... when you work so hard... you try and give the best possible treatment plan.. you encourage them... you invite them as your family... you want them to achieve many things.... and sometimes.. people take you for granted... they forget that a simple 'thank you' makes your killing back, spliting headache, my multi-fights with other team players all worthwhile.... just a THANK YOU....

Occasionally, i get cards, wet kisses, flying kisses, salams, hugs.... i treasure them always.... I always try to remember my patients.... and they remember me... i only really hated ONE patient in my 7 years as a therapist!!! That must be an achievement!!!

Humans have this tendency to say and talk about things that they think they know about, but really, they don't! They'll expand and speculate on what they know, thinking they have looked into all the posibilities and the bigger picture, but they have not... and they won't realise it until someone points this out to them...

My dad scolded me for being 'atypical' bruneian when i complained about work... He reminded me that there are things going on behind my back that i probably do not realised of... things that needed to be ironed out... kinks that need to be straightened before things can proceed.... but he too, was !@#$% after listening to my plight!

off tangent a bit...
Others, make decision without considering how it would affect others, especially people working under them. They make a decision because they are slef-centered and not think about issues throughly. and once you make a decision, some are irreversible! Effects of one silly act may ripple forever, touching lives of many others than yourself.

consider a shallow basin of water representing the us... and a blue dye are supperiors or managers with bad decisions or head on them. How many of that do we have here??? say we are being kind, 20 people, means 20 drops of blue dye... won't the water change colour too....

bad actions, one way or the other, reflects badly and affect all involved, inclusing bad foreign investments. Hence heads or supperiors without consience or leadership would infact ruin a clean basin of water... such a shame too as the basin of water had plenty of potential...

read it... understand it...

I am so sad... What is happening??? Why is it happening now??? What's our future?