Today is the last day of the year and it also happens to be my youngest sister's birthday... so a very very happy birthday to her... This also brings me back to my student years when I was in Edinburgh and we celebrated Hogmanay :) That was a wonderful period in my life... To go back to what it was seems impossible...

This year... Many things had happened to me... I fell in love, and fell out of love... I felt hatred and also vengence... but managed to keep it in control with prayers... I lost weight and also gained double than before... I gave people second chances not knowing if that is the wise thing to do... I extended my friendship to people beyond my normal circle... and the infamous one of all is i joined that "youth ship" of which stories are to come... and not to mention pictures...

I am still not prepared to tell people about what happened in the ship or rather not in the mood to write about it. I have told my family members what had happened... It was a mixture of feelings... It was a good vs bad thing. BUT the idea of the whole program IS excellent!

Usually at this time of the year, people try to reflect back on the year and evaluate their accomplishments or behaviours... and they try to make a new year's resolution to make them a better person... I believe that if you want to make yourself a better person, you do not have to wait for the new year to be one... be one the moment you realised it... Why wait for a "reason" to re-vamp yourself??? There is no excuese not to start now... I don't...

As new year is coming very close, I reaslied that my food cabinet is empty... my fridge is DRY and my freezer frozen with ice... Its time for food shopping. I was supposed to go last week, but there seemed to be always something happening... so I only managed it last night!

I went to HUA HO MALL supermarket section and did some shopping... I don't quite like it... I had to go to several other places to get what i needed... argh... what is the use of having a supermarket when you don't have what you need... not going there to shop in a long time!!!

I then went to the Pasar Malam... It has changed!!! its looking much better with the white tents and less dirty tarmac ground. The tentants seems to be enjoying it as well... I know I do...

As i was walking towards my car with my vegetables in hand... I saw this old couple in the car opposite mine. They were quietly eating some food they bought and was enjoying each other's company. A friend once said to me, if and when you are comfortable with someone, silence doesn't seem so awkward... SIGH...

ohhhhh.... that is what I want... a lasting relationship with a basic friendship that made it last longer! :)

Oh yeah... I wish you all a very GOOD new Year... be good to yourself :) and have fun... *hugs* congratulations to those that had a promotion, married, had kids... or are going to... may your life be always filled with smiles and laughter :)

Meela in Vietnam

Dearest Family and Friends,

you may not believe it but it has been a few days and I am now in Vietnam. My family is WONDERFUL!!! I live a bit away from the city and this has only been a few hours into us knowing the family but they seem to be nice and very friendly not to mention WARM!!!

I plan to get to know this family better as this is the BEST FAMILY so far I have encountered in my journey! :) and after this, i am giving a speech at the port before we leave to Brunei! We will be arriving to brunei on the 28th November but will only be going home a few days after that!

You may be wondering how the trip was? Well... It has been interesting. The wether had been rough on the sea and hence, I got really sick. I was ill for 2 days sick in bed... but i hope this to get better on the way home and worse from Philippines to Japan.

Can't be long... just want to drop a word... Will write more when the opportunity arises...

Lots of love,
Meela @Vietname, HO CHI MINH CITY :)

I am in Singapore...

Dearest People...

I left Brunei for the Kapal Belia thing earlier this morning.... I had several PEP talks with different sources.. but the final advice was the same... "have fun"....

I was sick several times in the flight which was normal for me.... and now I am in Singapore airport for transit...

I am leaving for Kuala Lumpur soon.. and will board the ship in only a few hours... STILL... i am hugely over excited... but i am having some fun...

Since my tag board is not working just leave comments *wink*

Lots of love,
Meela @Singapore :)

My maternal grandmother is this very sweet lady, even in old age. When she was younger, all her grandchildren, including myself, fight over who is going to sleep next to her. Usually the fastest and the strongest.... sometimes the best behaved gets the best place... we sleep all over her... beside her.. above her head... at her feet... :) those were my best memories of her... She also used to gives us "shyllings" for good behaviour she said... its not much... usually about 50 cents or 20 cents... but we all waited patiently as she ony gives to the best... (all of us gets it!)

She suffered a stroke last year and all of us were very worried. Her children and grandchildren loved her so much that we all waited and prayed for her health and safety. There had been no quarrel over who is going to look after her.. or who is going to pay for this... or who is going to do what... everyone wants a piece of the action... i supposed i am blessed to be in such a family setting... other families have PROBLEMS... and i see them as part of my job.. its sad...

She was frail and old... but thankfully, even if not 100%, she is doing better than expected... She is not independent... but she tries... her spirit is strong :) and i know i got it from her at least...

She has a few siblings... and one of them is in Kuala Belait, just about 1hr and 30 minutes away from her... as routine, on the second day oh Hari Raya, we always go and visit him.. HUGE group of people... in several cars....

My gran embraced Islam just last year, even though this is her second time celebrating.... the first time didn't count, she was unwell and hasn't really recovered.... so this is really her first year... :) She is more forgetful now... she even forget her children and grandchildren.... but she remembers Hari Raya and its celebration... She insists all her family members get together and didn't have any shut eye while she wait and wait for everyone... she waited for 2 days as we are all over the place... When we did come... she fell asleep... and because i was tored too... i decided to sit near her and i eventually fell asleep as well...

Back to our trip to KB... My gran's brother is old and frail himself. He needs the help of a zimmer frame to walk now... He, himself, had embraced Islam years and years ago... His children and grandchildren are all muslim... He was just very 'emotional' to know his sister had embraced the same faith... on their first raya together, he was able to say assalamualaikum and waited patiently for an answer... it was such an emotional moment... not only for them but for the rest of us as well... tears were locked into my eyes... I had to move away or i would have burst.... Our prayers had been answered... alhamdullilah....

MY Enthusiasm

Today is the 29th of October and that means just a few more days before i get to travel around our region and meet new faces and attitudes. Most may be wondering if i am excited and psyched to go... the answer is an amazing 'NO'.

I don't know on the day itself... but right now, looking towards the future, the answer is still no... not excited and not very excited towards the prospect. Is it because we have trained too long? Is it because we have so many unfinished bussiness to do? Is it because I suddenly do not want to leave my "old"? Or has it got to do with the others not pulling their weight, not coming up to par with their work performances? and has it got to do with a major embarrasment for me on board the ship???

I suppose all of the above... and more so the last 2... I am not good at failing... and I am also not good at being given a 'scolding'... In my life, I have always done my best at any particular time... and failure is just not synonym with me... I had failed a paper once, and that was not a plesant experience! Again, I don't need a lot of scolding... I always do what i can and when I can... and also because I don't interfere a lot with things... but...

BUT... this program was suppose to give me a new leash towards life... give me a fresh beginning... a jump start to my already every-dying battery! It was supposed to be fun! easy! ongoing adventure!!! EXCITING!!! i tell you now... its TOO hyped! I may feel differently later, but now, this is how I feel... It zaps life out of me... emotions... its burdeoning as well!!! Financially, mentally and suprising not so physically!!!

PUASA

Last year's puasa was the BEST puasa I ever had... I was very motivated, i prayed everyday, i practised the rituals and I had friends... The raya was dampened a little, but it was still full of FUN. I won't ever forget it...

This year, however, is a bit sad... its not the same like last year... I have reduced my religious activities... (don't ask why...), I rarely have time for my friends and family... and I am just SOOOO tired!

Puasa is one of those month I always thought i have time to do things I always wanted because of the reduced time at work... I always thought its a time of reflection... time to get close to your family and friends, time to do something nice...

I carried on my ritual of bersedekah to my kids in the clinic as i know they look forward to that every year... I also participated in the routine bersedekah to the unfortunate... I also made plans to do my zakat and more... but its the different different things you do each year during the month to make it different from the others... that is which i have failed miserably this year!

Everyday, after work, I either go and window shop, or do some damage to my purse... OR I go home and slave myself in front of the TV! and while i do that, i work on something like wrapping souviners for the Youth Ship or make a list of things to do or other stuff that needs to think or something like that... It just so tiring...

I don't think I have cooked YET during this month!!! And I haven't been to any food stalls which is weird for me because that is one of my yearly routine... I am just NOT in the mood!!! and I LOVE food!!!

Yesterday, i was bored and went to watch movies with my cousin and a friend whom I kidnapped till the early hours of the morning... While we were waiting for the movie to start, we walked around... We came and walked into the shop called "SOLITTUDE" at the mall... Its been there forever, but its the first time i have been in... Its actually quite nice... There are millions of books i thought i would buy and read, if only for fun and knowledge!!! And there is no more complaints because everything is in ENGLISH! :) i bought 2 books and started reading immediately during Sungkai!

The bookstore is just the kind of environment you want to be in because it invites you to broaden your opinion and knowledge of the religion without imposing it on you! They also have like a mini section at the back to sit and read and its really really nice. It brought back feelings of wanting to do good, feelings of wanting to do more for human kind... and more... it really is a good place to be in... I'll definately drop by as soon as I finish my 2 books!

I realised that people in your suroundings rubs things on to you... last year, i was fortunate enough to know a guy that was nice enough to bring me places to pray and was very very encouraging. It made me open my eyes and see things differently... It was a nice invitation to see clearly :) This year, however, i think i seem to hang around different types of people and they seem to only make me angry, add more stress and anguish as well as less pious than the previous person i know... and this sort of influence you on some level.. and this makes me sad...

Just so you know... I am fighting my inner demonds as well as the external ones... Lets hope i turn out to be a good human, capable of HUGE things, to make a difference and more... in the mean time, i fast and do all the necessary things as much as I am capable of...

HELP!!!

Life is interesting but PEOPLE makes it even more interesting. They are the players in different people's lives... and depending on what type of people you meet along the way, they rub off you a different manner and this has an impact on you. They may colour you bright happy colours, or faded pastel colours, or angry brilliant colours. I have my fair share... but not as much as most...

I have been elected to be the leader for this program I am joining, and I am honoured to be considered capable to shoulder this HUGE responsibility, and i take responsibilities NOT lightly! I vowed since I was a young girl and can formulate thoughts in my brain to be my own without people listening to it, to always be responsible! and My grandfather had told me as well... his words are gold to me! Our assistant is this lovely man, who has a smile that can melt anyone, especially when his eyes twinkle! He is more than capable to shoulder anything that comes his way... I was happy to know that we were brought together to work as a team. Problems will be easy...

My weakness is.... I believe people... I like to believe the good in people... I don't think people are nasty until they proved themselves to be one... I listen to what others had told me about them, but do not formulate my own ideas of them until I meet and interact with them myself... Sometimes... I feel I SHOULD just be like any others, that I should not bother to give people equal opportunities and just listen to what they have to say... and make that my opinion about them... that way i dont have to start fresh with them...

Why is all this brought up... well.. I knew all along that being a leader is not easy and I have been put in this situations more than i care to remember... and everytime I do my best, everyone sees that I am more than capable... I even get compliments... from the BIG SHOTS... but that is not the reason for doing something good.... Its just my principle i suppose... and a lots of others share this some principle! Of course, you hear people not liking me as well.... its only normal...

I heard little rumours that people are not happy that I have been elected... Not because I am incapable... but because of other reasons which i will not mention... and I KNOW excatly what they mean and feel, because at work, I encounter the same problem, but on a HUGER scale.

My dilema now is...

• I can lead but i need willing people to lead.
• I can lead but I need them to work alongside me, not against me.
• This program is supposed to be a happy thing but if they are unhappy with me... this will probably have an impact on them... I don't want to make them feel unhappy as I am, though miserability loves company... I DON'T HAVE THE HEART!!!

I know people are nice and smile... but they talk behind my back... This is not a problem to me as i know this is one of the little things you need to deal with when you are a leader... But I cannot stop thinking how miserable they are feeling...

I really don't mind stepping down if they let me... IF you are reading this... please give me words of wisdom... I need it now more than ever!

A part of me says i should just brave it and deal with it as much as i can... but a part of me says just step down and let them take up the responsibility... :( HELP!!!

This is a recent picture of my family. Front row: My older Rena, Me, and my younger sister, Elia. Second row: my youngest sister, Fetty, my dad, my mum and my eldest sister. Between my parents is Selina, my cousin. 

some of the boys :) This is our place where we do our dancing and stuff :) 

Faizah, Norul and Amy looking straight at the camera :) SMILE girls :) 

Najwa, Adeq and Faizah posing for the camera 

part of the view at the stadium during the event 

One of the Bruneian participant going to throw his winning ball 

These are Bocce balls... 

Me and Baby working hard during the Special Olympics... 

The Others at the front part of the boat 

We just arrived at Imam's place.... and took the opportunity to take some snaps, while we all are still fresh :) 

Me, Bodi and Dilah... Who knew we were going to be a team later on :) 

Hail attempts to make a kikik.... he eventually succedded in making a nice one :) he was so proud of him :) 

Some of the kids found in HJ Azlan's house... and they are all his cousin, siblings, and nieces and nephew... :) BIG family :) 

Amy, is cousin of Norul... Just because you are in Kampung Ayer, no reason to neglect your neauty *wink* 

Some of the boys attempting to create KIKIK, also known as kites :) 

The View of Kampung Ayer from the kitchen of Hj Azlan's House :) Beautiful :) 

Part of the group at the back of Imam's house trying to look at people making traditional KUEHsss... 

This pakcik is demonstrating making Kueh Bahulu the traditional way :) It tastes sweet and good :) 

Look at me... SUCCESSFUL!!!  

Nurul, the Chef, is also attempting making the traditional kueh 

Hail is also trying... 

Mirul is trying his luck at making kueh jala 

Cikgu also attempting :) 

Dillah had a go at the traditional making of the KUEH :) 

Meela teaching Nazmo to buat pinyaram