Not a lot of people know and i do not disclose this information to everyone, but my maternal family has a stong history of cancer. Name it... we most probably have it. My own mum has been lucky so far... so are her siblings. However, my late grandfather is not so lucky.

He is a chinese man... strong believer in the old and traditional ways... He suffered a prostate cancer of which remains "dead" after it has been treated. But as he grew older... he suffered from another type of cancer that had robbed him of many of his family members... He had "stomach cancer" also known as carcinoma of the stomach.

Earlier on, when he was diagnosed to have this, we were very upset... but i think he knew from the very beginning. It also did not helped the way the news was broken to us by the rudest man on earth and sad to say is still working in the hospital. A lot of people respected him but not me or my family. If he doesn't die in the most miserable way or treated the same way as he did my grandfather... then life is not fair! But he will definately rot in hell and with that thought, i live each day i see his face!

An operation was carried out to remove the cancerous cells... The doctors were not certain if it had spread... No further treatment was offered with the reason that he is old and frail. I was even more upset as i think he can survive it as he is a strong man despite his age. But the same argument was given again and again...

A few years AFTER my suggestion, strangely enough, the oncologists decided why not try radiotherapy and chemotherapy... LIKE Isn't he much older and frailer than when i first suggested it? Why now??? ARGH!!! Sometimes i believe people that work in the hospital are lacking EMPATHY!!!!! ARGH!!! What is wrong with everyone???

He undergone treatment in KL in 2003. My uncles looked after him... I went to see him with my mum during the Hari raya... By that time, he was half the size of the man he used to be... his mind remained sharp! It was really heart wrenching.... and things went wrong while he was there too... sigh.... when i think and reflect back, all i want to do is just SCREAM!

He has been not well in 2005 before i even leave for the youth ship... but it was when i was in the ship's program that he was hospitalised. He must have been very unwell as he hated to be brought to the hospital and i really understand him... He was deteriorating... he was very unwell... and he knows it too...

He passed on last saturday 14th January 2006. It was very emotional... Though death is unevitable, when it come slapping on your face... it kind of shocks you and throws you off balance. I know my grand and I have differences especially in what ways he had been treated or the treatmment he should get but he is my grandfather all the same. "Keras Kepala" runs in the family.

I haven't thanked all the staff of ward 22 for the help they extended to my grandfather and family members... I am sad by all these... but i am sure my aunts and uncles are sadder... If we think and believe that he is no longger in pain, isn't that helpful to each the pain of loss?

One of his greatnephew said to my mum and i was listening... "We should be happy that he lived to be this old... happy we should... not sad..." What say you?