My "relationship"...

What do I want in a relationship? Do I want a relationship? What is a relationship? Many of my friends are involved with another human being... and so are a few of my family members... Somehow they are happy and seemed to be happy and wanting to stay in the relationship... But do I?

For many years, I thought this is not the thing for me... for many years I have been afraid to be swallowed into the "trap"... I have seen what the danger of losing yourself makes you... or change you... and I have seen the product of betrayal... trust me... I was bitten several times that makes me much more wary to these natural high of feelings that are overwhelming...

I am not sure I am capable of opening up like that again... only to know what your brain already told you to be aware of... to open your heart to things again and to be hurt again is not a pain I think i can handle...

But not having someone to talk to, to share with, to laugh with or simply be silly with is equally heart wrenching... It feels very lonely to be alone and not have someone you can "share" with... Feeling like you are the only person you can talk to is simply "sad"...

What is a relationship? To me, a relationship is when 2 people spend enough time together that they would be able to think and see through each other's eyes . It is also when 2 individuals are enhanced and enlightened in it... where you learn something new everyday... It is also a period of self-learning and enhancing your better qualities... To have someone to love, to share things and to talk about things etc. Those are also what I want in a relationship... I want to grow... to learn... to absorb... to be a partner in all matters... to be able to have a say and solve any problem that comes along... relationship is about sharing and solving any tumble you take together or separately as an individual.

I pondered serveral times over this for a few months last year since an incident that traumatised me a bit... and at that time, I realised that i was actually ready for a full relationship... not the type that is just "lets see where this goes..." but the type that is " Yes sweetheart... when?" So do I want a relationship? The answer is YES.

Just a few weeks ago, a friend from my past texted me frequently. We "went out" in the past... but it didn't work out... but he requested for a second chance... I thought about it... and I said "yes"...

Do we hang all our laundry in public? Do all have to know? If you are interested, you would email me and/or text me and ask.... any questions on the tag board will not be entertained... ;)