Its strange when I think about it… I am sure we have some of these around, but why is it such a taboo for people to acknowledge it happens in Brunei? Do we have such a social rule that defames us should we have or come from a broken family?
I always knew this exists, as I experience it… enough said… but I learnt more about it and how to cope or how not to cope mostly from TV programs that I watched as a kid and as a growing individual. It was also then that I know someone out there knows what I feel like. Someone out there has similar experiences as I. As a university student learning counselling, and having met one myself, I know I think and fear this most… the rejection as it has never been addressed or worst, acknowledged having!!
Looking around, and knowing from chats I have with friends and even encounters and interviews with patients I see everyday, I know it is happening, and feel it on the rise. I am unsure statistically wise, but I am sure there was an article written in the national newspaper sometime this year regarding the rise of divorces, hence, one of the sources of broken families in Brunei Darussalam.
People often have this vision and idea that when an individual comes from a divorced family, they are considered broken. However, if two parents are living together and not talking or even fighting all the time, this is still considered a WHOLE family. On the other hand, siblings that do not see eye-to-eye on most matters and ended up having cold sibling WAR is still considered a WHOLE family. Do you see the wrong in this?
People are very afraid to admit that they come from a broken family in spite of the outlook of togetherness. They want people to know and believe that they are together as a unit. Aren’t they lying to themselves? Isn’t that hurting them inside? It’s hard to be cheery when you are sad, worse to believe you have a smashing family when you don’t! That must have negative psychological impact on any one!
Some of the older generations believe that if you come from a broken family, you probably would grow up to be scum of society or end up being a cripple and have to depend on the government due to drugs, alcohol, or social problems that leads you to undesired behaviours. Don’t you see that this happens despite if one comes from a FAMILY or broken unit? Why the unexplainable or even unfathomable conclusion or derivative?
Why should all scum come from broken families? Or even drug addicts? Why should individuals from broken families be underachievers? I STRONG DISBELIEVE this. I, however, believe that emotional and mental scaring from living in a broken family and not having the proper support or even acknowledgement to grief your loss has a greater impact on an individual!
There are many causes of broken families… and someone brilliant out there, I am sure have categorised them into neat study or research areas.
It is even sadder to acknowledge that our well being is not looked after. Yes sure, we have lots of free stuff… and education and food are often subsidized…. But what of our mental and emotional well-being? This is often neglected and if anything happens, people often do not own up, instead they like to point fingers. Take responsibilities for your actions they always say…. Well… they don’t really practice what they say, do they?
Kemasyarakatan!!! SUCH a big word, even the MINISTRY itself does not understand the full meaning of this word! If they do, some actions would be taken to heal the DYING society… Often I ponder; do I really want a family (my own) to grow in such a dire state of emotional and mental decline in my society? Can I truly provide emotionally to a growing child in this diverse multi-cultural with multi-levelled society rules with many inequitable living conditions, environment and more?
Own up people… acknowledge that you need help… acknowledge that you are emotionally hungry for approval and support… acknowledge a problem so we all can work to better improve ourselves…. Re-invent ourselves to be a better person… better contributing personnel of the society that will grow beautifully into perfumed roses, and not genetically engineered, thorn-less, smell-less roses.
This brings me to remember an encounter I had with a patient I was treating in one of the wards. This frail old man has a failing memory due to age (dementia) and hence he was unable to look after himself. He often pee-ed in his pants, he is unsure if he has taken his medication, and he often talks about his pasts and his remorse. He, I found, was unable to remember most of his family members… yet, he knows when they do not come and visit him. He must have been in the hospital for about 3 months, and I have never seen any of his family members. Nurses were helpful enough to clean him, and occasionally, I would feed him lunch and dinner. But where were his family?
According to a staff, the patient was admitted into the ward because he had a fall and then kind of hurt his head. He was there only for observation. Later, the medical team found out that he had been hit on the head instead of the firm believe of him falling somewhere around the house. He stayed in the hospital because none of his children (there were about 9, I think) wanted to take him home. Too much work, too cumbersome, too tiring, he is NOT my father and more… This is sad. The children considered themselves a family, and they had many family discussions…. But are they really a family? NOT I believe!!!
It is sad… and even sadder that you know it happens in your supposedly ‘clean’ of ANYTHING country… we need community counselors, proper counselors in school and tertiary educational settings! We need people to seek help…
I want to seek help… Many of my ‘rejection’ issues come from this issue… If you do not want to be like me, emotionally dead and unable to ‘love’… SEEK help! Seek help now… its never too late to heal yourselves. Next time you know anyone that feels he comes from a broken family… get him to admit it and seek help. You are doing everyone a favour!
If anything comes out of this, I hope that people are more aware of how unjust and blind our society are… and that individuals from broken families can grow into a lovely rose with the proper support and love from people in their surroundings. However, people denied of problems, die, and are incapable of further reaching and committing to name just a few.
People often have this vision and idea that when an individual comes from a divorced family, they are considered broken. However, if two parents are living together and not talking or even fighting all the time, this is still considered a WHOLE family. On the other hand, siblings that do not see eye-to-eye on most matters and ended up having cold sibling WAR is still considered a WHOLE family. Do you see the wrong in this?
People are very afraid to admit that they come from a broken family in spite of the outlook of togetherness. They want people to know and believe that they are together as a unit. Aren’t they lying to themselves? Isn’t that hurting them inside? It’s hard to be cheery when you are sad, worse to believe you have a smashing family when you don’t! That must have negative psychological impact on any one!
Some of the older generations believe that if you come from a broken family, you probably would grow up to be scum of society or end up being a cripple and have to depend on the government due to drugs, alcohol, or social problems that leads you to undesired behaviours. Don’t you see that this happens despite if one comes from a FAMILY or broken unit? Why the unexplainable or even unfathomable conclusion or derivative?
Why should all scum come from broken families? Or even drug addicts? Why should individuals from broken families be underachievers? I STRONG DISBELIEVE this. I, however, believe that emotional and mental scaring from living in a broken family and not having the proper support or even acknowledgement to grief your loss has a greater impact on an individual!
There are many causes of broken families… and someone brilliant out there, I am sure have categorised them into neat study or research areas.
It is even sadder to acknowledge that our well being is not looked after. Yes sure, we have lots of free stuff… and education and food are often subsidized…. But what of our mental and emotional well-being? This is often neglected and if anything happens, people often do not own up, instead they like to point fingers. Take responsibilities for your actions they always say…. Well… they don’t really practice what they say, do they?
Kemasyarakatan!!! SUCH a big word, even the MINISTRY itself does not understand the full meaning of this word! If they do, some actions would be taken to heal the DYING society… Often I ponder; do I really want a family (my own) to grow in such a dire state of emotional and mental decline in my society? Can I truly provide emotionally to a growing child in this diverse multi-cultural with multi-levelled society rules with many inequitable living conditions, environment and more?
Own up people… acknowledge that you need help… acknowledge that you are emotionally hungry for approval and support… acknowledge a problem so we all can work to better improve ourselves…. Re-invent ourselves to be a better person… better contributing personnel of the society that will grow beautifully into perfumed roses, and not genetically engineered, thorn-less, smell-less roses.
This brings me to remember an encounter I had with a patient I was treating in one of the wards. This frail old man has a failing memory due to age (dementia) and hence he was unable to look after himself. He often pee-ed in his pants, he is unsure if he has taken his medication, and he often talks about his pasts and his remorse. He, I found, was unable to remember most of his family members… yet, he knows when they do not come and visit him. He must have been in the hospital for about 3 months, and I have never seen any of his family members. Nurses were helpful enough to clean him, and occasionally, I would feed him lunch and dinner. But where were his family?
According to a staff, the patient was admitted into the ward because he had a fall and then kind of hurt his head. He was there only for observation. Later, the medical team found out that he had been hit on the head instead of the firm believe of him falling somewhere around the house. He stayed in the hospital because none of his children (there were about 9, I think) wanted to take him home. Too much work, too cumbersome, too tiring, he is NOT my father and more… This is sad. The children considered themselves a family, and they had many family discussions…. But are they really a family? NOT I believe!!!
It is sad… and even sadder that you know it happens in your supposedly ‘clean’ of ANYTHING country… we need community counselors, proper counselors in school and tertiary educational settings! We need people to seek help…
I want to seek help… Many of my ‘rejection’ issues come from this issue… If you do not want to be like me, emotionally dead and unable to ‘love’… SEEK help! Seek help now… its never too late to heal yourselves. Next time you know anyone that feels he comes from a broken family… get him to admit it and seek help. You are doing everyone a favour!
If anything comes out of this, I hope that people are more aware of how unjust and blind our society are… and that individuals from broken families can grow into a lovely rose with the proper support and love from people in their surroundings. However, people denied of problems, die, and are incapable of further reaching and committing to name just a few.
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