Dear family...

That is how an email started.. and it was aimed to most of my dad’s family and some of my mom’s family, including my aunts, uncles, cousins and in-laws… second cousins were included… even close friends… Initially, it started innocently.. as one person’s way of sending a block email to all, a mean of saving time… and everyone kept on hitting the reply all button and adding news of their own, and suddenly, we helped build a closer, healthier family relationship…

Suddenly, we started to talk to each other, listening to each other across the seas, separated from each other, but still… waiting everyday for that link of an email, that joins us together as family, share everything as family, discuss things openly as family and faces consequences of life as a stronger family unit. There are some people in my family that I am not close with (and not so proud of it) but suddenly, with this email, started to exchange words, sentences even thoughts… then… the natural encouragement!

Following the email, we have moved another step forward,… we created a family night… and have agreed for it to be on a Saturday night. It would be somewhere nice, but away from crowds so we all can share news, or even just type away at your boring column for your personal blog. Today was our second family get together – and it was a smash!!!

Who ever noticed that blood is thicker than water is not exaggerating. Though we do not seem to notice it, but in times of trouble, despite your personal dislike, we all tend to stick together through thick and thin… and I feel that we as a family unit have been through a lot!

The more I spend more time together with my own family, the more I realise that there are quite a few amazing people in it. They are able to stand up to people and say, “Mind your own business”, “I can survive”, “I can be independent”, “I can be as successful as you!” and more… Challenges are always faced head on… No use shying away from them as they are to come your way sooner than never…

Being in a family, I realised, is to accept the other individual with their flaws in your face, trying to make them a better person, and learning to let go and hoping that they grow to have sensible head on their shoulders. Being in a family also means encouraging them to excel, supporting them through hard times, as well giving them a hard slap across (not literally) to wake them up to smell the roses..

As we were discussing with Madam Checek and others, the root of my inability to find a mate is my inability to go a step further, my inability to accept wholeheartedly.. ?fear and always wanting approval from my parents! Its weird… its strange… but somehow, it is true… I have a lot of emotional issues that needs resolving… that needs addressing… I also know what this inability is and how it got there… but that is too personal…

My move across Brunei have been deemed to be a good, positive move.. and I am glad. But, that nagging feeling that someone is on your back constantly have been addressed.

Talking to the others about what the others had done and said, in the past, recently or predicting the future, it all colours your life more beautifully… absence of someone from the crowd is often felt.. like a void unable to just filled… unsatisfied…

A lot of us have this tendency to talk to other people, our adopted families, friends… people whom we personally chosen to be our family to disclose our frustrations, unhappiness and more… but, they can double cross you… and they turn their backs on you… but families won’t…

Keeping in touch is cheaper and easier now… so I do hope our dear family emails continues as we build our relationship from strength to strength. Its actually a pleasure to have known you and met you.

bits of this and that update!

The Mac Book is something new to me… few are surprised with the decision made to change to apple. Its not something planned, but now that I have it, one really has to learn to utilise it. I haven’t been playing with it much, but I am doing something else, reading the manual – learning more about this piece of sophisticated machinary.

I am home now, and trying to find out if my uncle’s place can detect wireless connection from the nearby shops and school. But alas to no avail! I’ll just have to go to the shops every other day for free connection or go to the shops for a dollar per day for limitless access! ;) choices, choices, choices…

It soon Hari Raya, or Eid, and the people in the hospital (KB) are busy decorating the clinics. They are not as fancy and competitive as they are in Bandar Seri Begawan. And most of the decorations are modest and laidback. My contribution to this festive season is a huge colourful ketupat on my office door, and some shiney flashy hanging bit from my door.

The outer clinic (ORL) is a bit flashier. I helped. They have lettering from foams, shiluottes of mosques covered with shiney gold and green wrappings, paper rings, fans, and turning paper stuff! Maybe I’ll get my camera out and let you all see for yourself.

My patients have not greeted me with “Selamat Hari Raya” hugs/kisses. Or even cards. Even my old patients have forgotten all about me…. :( sob sob sob…

Moving on… I recently complained of bluring vision when reading and am definitely making more mistakes stitching. So I went to a private eye shop and screened my eye. I was not goven any information, but was suggested to get glasses. Since I had bad experiences from eye glasses (On and OFF with the glasses) I decided to get a cheap one, and that was clever of me. Just after I got the glasses, I put them on, and my vision is worse with it than without it! So I decided to see a real professional.

I went to see an Optemetrist in KB. He took some details from me, and asked how old my glasses were. And he did some tests, similar to the ones from the shop, but he went a bit further. He explained things to me. Get this… my eyes are NORMAL, and I do not need glasses. Well,… I do not need them now, but I may need them in my 40’s, so he suggested that I go on a yearly eye check up and that is what I will do. What am I to do with the new frame? Donate them? Keep them?

Back to this hari raya mood, I was listening to Kristal as usual… and they have started to play the Kristal idols of the DJs singing! OH MY GOD! WHY WHY WHY? Why even attempt? Some of them are HORRIBLE … he he he… not that I have a good singing voice, but I do know to keep them singing voice in the bathroom or car when I am alone! It gives me the cringe factor listening to them… but 100% marks given for willingness to make a fool of oneself!

I am trying to mix all news-worthy materials in a blog… seeing that the past few entries were a tad heavy for most! But this will have to do for now… I probably would run out of idea if I write everything in an entry :P so until then, keep blogging in..

I have got myself, with the help of my sister, a laptop. However, I have to LEARN to use it. I have no experience using this type of machine. And before you ask, yes.... its showey as said by one of my other sister, but a good buy by another sister, YES... I have gotten myself a MacBook.

As I have no experience using an apple... and i really do not know how to even operate word or MSN on this thing... it will take longer than anticipated to really fully utilise this challenging machine. and i SWEAR, I will try to take classes to sort this thing out! :P

But at least, I have figured out how to use the internet, and hence been able to blog this, take pictures using it, as well as... I have also been an active participator with the family emails, of which I may blog about another time... But until i really know how to master this new gadget... it'll still the be slow, and sporadic entry.... but people... do feed the brain as to what to write... its been really slow and lonely in KB :P

I'll try to post some pictures if this thing allows it.... of well... talk to you all soon....

special people

This is my life… working with special people. Often, they are better than ‘normal’ individuals. And though working with them may be tiring, frustrating, annoying and is a main factor in my ailing mental and emotional health, they often give me something no one had ever given me before… the reward of growth, awe, discovery and understanding.

I have worked with children and adults with multiple speech and language disabilities, not mentioning intellectual disabilities on top of poor cognitive skills. But helping them make sense and understand or even get them to tell you their name or identify an apple individually and spontaneously even after 2 years of treatment (YAY! An ACHIEVEMENT) is a lot of hard work and tears! Not everyone is able to accomplish this first milestone.

Often, parents feel helpless. They feel that they are to blame for their child’s failure to learn and reach normal developmental speech and language milestones. This is not ALWAYS the case. There are cases where I SCOLDED parents for not doing their part in educating their child, but a lot of us DO try our best, but it is just not enough. Sometimes, it is always a matter of understanding limitations and strengths of an individual. All parents and carers want their child to TALK, but what is wrong with using sign language? What is wrong with inability to spell but able to talk fluently? We need to re-focus our child’s strengths.

Parents sometimes want their child to achieve something THEY want the child to be able to do, like play football. But if the child does not have the ability or passion to play ball, no matter how much training you give, he and yourself will not be happy. THIS IS SO SIMPLE. Yet, a lot of us do this; IMPOSE our dreams on our child! WHY? The same for special people. Do not visualize them to be something they are not or unable to be and in the process add unnecessary stress on them!

They have feelings too and they know that they are different. It doesn’t help if society (US) and their peers are unable to accept them as they are. I have patients coming to see me and tell me that they are STUPID! WHY? WHY? WHY? They are not stupid,… they are different. I just finished a session with a child. I asked her to repeat after me… “I am special” several time… and later she said… “Are you sure? My friends said I am STUPID!”. POOR understanding of people’s weakness makes you an ignorant !@#$%.

Put yourself in a parent with a child with special learning needs shoes. Imagine going through a day, just a day, they go through. The waking up, sleepless nights, picky with food, the inability to understand your child’s speech but the need to teach and reach out and the WANT to communicate with your child, bathing, shopping, playing and more… I don’t think anyone can re-live the pain these brave parents go through… Only God is all knowing of their pain and struggle to just get through the day.

Then, imagine you are in the child with special needs shoes. You want to say something, you want something but no one understands you. All your movements are controlled. Why is it that I cannot run in a shop? Why can’t I eat ONLY the things I want to eat? Imagine the frustrations of these individuals when they are unable to read, and write or spell. And imagine being called names in school not just by friends, but by teachers and family as well. The feeling of being such an unworthy individual… “WHY DO I EVEN LIVE?” they may ask themselves… and I ask this of the people who are inhumane!

If you really have empathy for these people with special needs, you would try to at least understand what it is like to be in their shoes in the strange world where everyone is so unfriendly and loses patience with you! You could even stop teaching your OWN child to fear special individuals and put stigma onto them. Instead, you would want to help them, volunteer and most importantly give to your charities. Not a lot of us are charitable. Not just in the sense of finance, but in understanding, accepting, involving these people as part of our society. They are after all BRUNEIAN too. Yet, they have poor educational and support in school and society.

What are we to do? Do you think it will never happen to you? Think again!

Make a difference - lets start with understanding and the right attitude.