Who is Frank?

I only had two chats with Frank after 7 years of silence from both sides. And what this is, is an attempt to briefly summarise what "Frank" is , and what has changed. and so Frank, When you read this and find somethings unsuitable, please make a comments and set it right!

Let me first start and tell you all that Frank is Frank, and so, he may be called 'The' Frank, because he's the only Frank I know, and in turn the only one i have mentioned to all of you.

Frank, initially, was a stranger i met online some lonely christmas periods whilst a student in 1997. He was an operator in a chat room called 'Alamak' web based (and still working). As i was struggeling to get used to chatting and using symbols and shortforms in the chat room, i met Frank 'banned' who was nice enough to teach and occasionally answer questions.

So, from there on, it slowly blossomed. Soo from 1997-1999, we chatted almost on a daily basis. We chated about nothing serious most of the time... just wanting to chat about things.. or people sometimes. There were also periods of silence, for instance summer, when i went home and did not have internet acccess, or when i go on holidays during easter or mid-breaks.

But, Frank, being nice, and having ulterior motives at that time I wasn't aware of until recently, called me at different parts of the world. He used to call me several times whilst I was in Belgium at Bungu's. he also called me in Brunei when i started working - daddy picked up the phone! I was soooo scared! :P

Frank and I also have several friends in common, like Tag. He had kept in touch with them, unlike me... and it is very nice to know that i have made friends with all of them all these years and that we maintained to be friends... and i'd like it to happen til forever. They are nice people.

On to more personal details about Frank.

I am unsure of his full name. I don;t think i have asked this before. But he is Frank to me. He is danish, but he lives in Sweden with his children. (I didn't get the chance to ask if this is still the same) He is, currently, should have had enjoyed christmas with his family in Denmark, and with his Fiancee soon after.

Frank has 2 children, I have spoken to both of them. He has a daughter and a son. Both of them quite cute. I have seen them grow from these cute little things to this big things... teenagers.

And with that, he used to have a wife/partner. I have never asked which it is... It was kind of snooping at that time, i felt... but i'll ask when I'll see him online again.

Frank is recently engagged to this malaysian girl from Johor, Annie. She is a muslim, and hence, Frank is now learning to understand and find out what Islam is all about.

Our first two conversations was about conversion of faith... and many angry remarks and outbursts from me... any how... Frank was unmoved...

so... that is it... Frank in summary for all to enjoy... 'my' frank.

If you all have any questions, you can ask him. I'm sure he'll answer it as soon as he gets out of his 'holiday' season. If i know Frank, I know he is not able to be away from the internet for long ;) :P

I hope you like this brief summary Frank :) You're famous now :P

December...

December always means january is coming soon... and with that, it means, a new year is about to begin..

I had a rough year... not bad... just rough. It has been an emotional roller coaster, experiencing feelings i never thought i would have to go through again... but despite it, many good things happened to me this year as well...

Sometimes, when you count too much of your disappointments in life, you forget the little but frequent blessing you have! You also tend to forget how lucky you have been all these while, compared to another..

This december.. i have more things to be grateful for..

I was reunited with one of my oldest CHAT friend, dating back to my university life! And it all happened just a week ago. It happened just as both of us was online... and we started chatting as if the time and years have not passed us by... It was very nice to be able to chat to comeone just because... no expectationss.. no needs... not clingy... and its always friendly and CLEAN. His name is Frank.

Then, another friend from my recent past came back from his training. I had 'dinner' and a long chat with him last night. It is wonderful to have friends to chat with... and to catch up things with... The most wonderful thing is to be able to have normal conversation without the 'wierdness' of being away from each other after a while.

I also went on holiday, successfully with my parents... and managed to have a good time... It wasn't as bad as i expected it to be, but there were periods where i had to act as a peace keeper.. I hate it!

Decemember also means that i get to work half of the month. and it also signifies me being in Brunei for 7 years, 1 month, 10 days, 6 hours and 38 minutes, exactly as of now.

As a friend pointed out... i hope this good fortune, and sweet ride stays with the new year.

I would like to make several birthday wishes here...

A happy birthday goes to Wadi, who will be celebrating his birthday tomorrow...

and a special b'day greeting goes to my sister, baby, celebrating her bday on 31st December

and to all readers... happy new year... embrace time.. count your blessings...

back...

I am back ... however, can't blog... I promised to meet up with a friend...

The trip was interesting... plesant and not political.

What i learnt from this trip: BRUNEI IS CLEAN.

Do i want to do the trop again: Sure,... but i'll opt for better accomodations.

When is my next holiday: If all goes well, next year April-May.

Destination: Cambodia

Pictures?: YUP. about 500. will screen through them and post it on a different day...

do continue writing in the tag board... its quiet in my absence...

Christmas...

Yeah... Yeah... Its too early to celebrate christmas... I haven't lost it yet! ;) he he he....but I am afraid... I won't have the opportunity to greet people if i don't do it now....

Both of my parents and I, will be going on a holiday... just the 3 of us... somewhere around Sabah by car. and this expedition is the first i have embarked on since i was 13... and so... it is a bit exciting... BUT... DO pray we do not kill each other!! This holiday starts early SUNDAY morning, a few days away...

Due to this, I won't be blogging.. or unsure if i would be able to... I mean.. where can i get access? :P or would i be able to find time... or would i be too sick to write ;)

Anyways, pictures of things on the journey would be posted as soon as i figure things out... Just don't be too hopeful. I spin stories better :P (WISH: I always wanted a new camera, more powerful, faster shutter, wide screen, slim, light etc)

and because of this as well, i would be missing out on christmas as we would be making the journey back on that day..... and so... MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my christian readers and families out there...

Growing old... and PUBERPHONIA ;)

lets start the blog with what i wanted to write yesterday... but it lookes like it may be short and snappy... because i want to share some knowledge with you all about boys at puberty and speech therapy (me) and so... you won't think its funny when i mention it again..

It just dawned on me that i am turning 30 next year... and i am older... older than i anticipated... older than i expected myself to be... i have been lying to myself all these while... i always thought i am young... like mid 20s... i'm in my 20s... late 20s... always 20sss... now... i have to say i am 30... and i am SINGLE!!! Life is so not like i imagined it to be..

there is absolutely nothing wrong with turning 30... and i am for growing old gracefully.... but sigh... 30 is such a big number... i remembered i was so depressed turning 20... sigh... teen to 20s... sigh... I'm AGEING!!! and i have no significant achievement in life... my degree... my patients... my driving licence.. what else?

before, a friend and i made a pact... we were going to go around the world when we are 30 and still single... and so... i am 30 and still single... even if i am no longer 'friends' its a plan i was trying to achieve.. perhaps not the whole world... but... I am going to cambodia next year... perhaps i should go to vietnam and KL as well while i am there... and then... i would want to go indonesia as it is the only asean country i have not been to... and perhaps... LIN... i may go to germany... that is if i get to save up... but i want to go during winter.. i miss the cold and snow :) so... what do people do in their 30s? meditate???

I know what I want to be when i am much older... I want to be like this old couple i know... they were probably about 70s... and the husband was unwell... and i was sent to see him... and so... this wife of his stuck by him day and night, despite living in KB (admitted in RIPAS). the wife still looked at the husband adoringly... they still hold hands and chat... and they pray together! what more do you want??? What more do i want.... more than companionship...???

and so... that part has come to an end... and the second part of the blog is starting:

So.... When a boy hits a certain age... in ISLAM and in Bruneian culture, especially during the school holidays, boys approximately 7-9 years old undergo circumsition. This is the act of removing the foreskin from the phallus... and it is done in the hospital. You'll be suprised at the waiting list and the number of boys undergoing it every school holidays...

And, thank you to another blog reader, mewow, who also happens to be a boy himself, raised that it is also a time of growth and changes to them... boys started to show the growth of BRAIN CELL (some of them) - he he he (not clinically supported!) , the spurt of height, growth of hair all over and more... but the most obvious of hormonal and growth of boys is the change in voice... its cracks, high pitch, squeky and more..

Normally, this is just a period of development and soon, voice changes to be this deep, clearer quality resonance... and all is fine with the world... they boys are much happier and is no longer 'ashamed' or shy of their voice...

Unfortunately... not everyone undergoes this normal turn... SOME, unfortunately for them, retain their high pitch, squeky voice till over the normal stage... lets say.. boys tend to change their voice into that deep quality at early teens... but... these boys with problems... retain that voice quality even until late teens.... 18/19... some older...

and so... the consequences of such voice has a social and emotional impact... boys are mean... can you imagine what such a voice ( high pitch and squeky) would do to one's self-esteem??

and hence, boys with this voice; which happens to be a problem and called puberphonia, goes and see a speech and language therapist (ME) to help them with this voice quality. first, being seen by a ENT doctor!... and so... this is where the seriousness begins and my work starts... boys at puberty and me ;)

So do you all see it now? Lets not go into it clinically... but lets just say its challenging, emotional journey for both of us... and a great struggle to find the strength to change and adapt...

Growing old...

i wanted to blog... but perhaps i would do it tomorrow.. I mean elaborate... so for today, let me leave myself points, or else i would forget what to write...

1. getting older
2. plans at 30
3. plan when you have aged..
4. cute old couples.
5. what is expected of you at this age...

Tutong today...

was working in Tutong today. Had a full day. It started badly... I really should shift my 8 o'clock to 9 o'clock... like have fun first thing in the morn before going into something more stressful and frustrating! Anyways...

I had been referred this lady again.. The last time I saw her was in April this year. She was referred for a swallowing assessment and management. Since April, she had been admitted 6 time for the same complaints... and the funny thing is, she did not appeared to have any feeding problems whilst admited... and because of this feeding problem, she has lost more than 50% of her body weight.. She is literally bones and skin!! I was really scared for her...

What I did was, wrote a comprehensive report to the doctor, dietitian and the clinical sychologist. I even recommended for an alternative method of feeding her if she continues to lose weight... Reason why I refered her to the clinical psychologist is that i feel that she wants to be admitted... for attention... (BUT SHE DOES HAVE SWALLOWING PROBLEMS, BUT NOTHING THAT SHOULD STOP HER FROM EATING AND DRINKING NORMALLY WITH THE PROPER TECHNIQUES)

Some of us, especially the young ones, we try to go on a diet... we even stop eating and drinking properly... some even invent ridiculous ways of losing weight like no carbs, or protein or worst, just soup diet or liquid diets for prolonged periods... but they forget, when you reach a certain age, or when or if you suffer from something that causes you to have swallowing problems,... you really won't be able to eat what you like to... most of the people i have seen, are not able to eat simple foods we take for granted, like biscuits... or apples... because its too flakey and hard... so you see,.. while you can and is able to eat... and chew... and is healthy and is able to eat and drink well... I suggest we eat... and not starve ourself silly just because we feel the need to conform... wise up!!

on a lighter note, as i was waiting for me lunch date to appear and pick me up,.. i was sitting in the front porch of the hospital.. laid out with several chairs.. opposite me were two boys, assuming brothers because they have the same top... wearing kain sarong... they had just undergone the 'bersunat' procedure... (circumsition - its the act of removing the foreskin from the phallus. It is required under islamic laws on boys and girls too... hygiene reasons)

the older boy was calm and was waiting patiently for his ride... the younger boy was in tears... I am assuming from pain.... and the cries got louder as a man (someone they know) approached them...

I smiled... as i looked at them both... they are just few of the many that are undergoing this procedure during this school holiday.... ;)

the kids in my office...

Drama...

Yesterday, I had a staff meeting in RIPAS in the afternoon. I thought I'd be clever and stay in bandar in the morning as well (after getting permission), so i carefully packed everything into bags. Remember, I have the drill in the morning, and meeting in the afternoon, meeting on saturday and tutong on Monday, hence... i had more bags than when i go on holidays and it wasn't much of a suprise when i left one in Kuala Belait... Hence, I had to drive to kuala belait to get the bag for the meeting.

To let time passes me by, I took both the kids, Azra and Hannah for a ride. They were excited. It helped to tell them i have pencils, colour pencils and paper as well as toys waiting for them in Kuala Belait ;)

IT was an eventful drive. The kids didn't get on my nerves :) they were actually quite good. When we arrived in the clinic, they were an immediate hit. They played nice. They drew me drawings, wrote on the white board, played with they toys and had a tea party... with wooden stick toys... They let me do work most of the time!

We had a HUGE lunch.. the kids worked themselves an appetite... we had lunch at KFC and takeaways from Sugarbun. On top of that, we had drinks and 'keropok' snacks for the trip back.

The trip back was quiet. they were still hyper from the trip, and so i used the trick my dad used to use on us to SHUT US UP!... the fire in Seria and Lumut... the natural gas burners... well.. i told them giants live in the area and they have to be quiet and behave themselves... and so, they slept themselves to a nice silence...

then, just this morning, we started on the workings of OUR own home, far from the hustle and bustle of the nearby towns... We watched a movie last night; THE HOLIDAY (A must see - i love it! I miss UK!) and it ended at 1 pm. It was also raining heavily... so we drove slowly... then... we had to wake up at 3 plus for the house thingy... I thought I would stay awake, but the next thing i knew... my sister was pushing me and it was 4..

Things went smooth... and i hav pictures of yesterday and today... I'll post pictures soon... Sigh... TUTONG tomorrow; but one thing good about tomorrow, is I am having lunch with Baharin :)

Busy day...

I have been informed, last week, that there is going to be a disaster drill exercise organised by BSP, involving Suri Seri begawan Hospital. The Clinical Support staffs are to mann the Information Center, and for this exercise, it would be located in the surgical ward.

Since the head of the clinical support in SSBH is onleave, to sit for her exam, she has been replaced by our Medical Social Worker. And, she has organised the team into different work/groups. I was in-charge of announcing to the public about the exercise (NO ONE VOLUNTEERED FOR THIS TASK) and also the jotter of info on the great big whiteboard in the the central info center!

We were also informed that this was to be carried out in the morning, this week, on any one day from MOnday to Thursday. Since the last three days had been quiet, we all assume it would be today! Everybody was prepared. We (THe clinical support staff) also had the opportunity to run through our plan, and had a look around the hospital to confirm our roles through out the hospital yesterday afternoon. Thank GOD we did that, because apparently a lot of things are different! and changing! we had to further split ourselves to accomodate everything!

On top of being an information center, we were told that it would also be the place where families would go to, to ask for their loved ones. Occasionally, while waiting for their loved ones to be located, we have to "look" after them... which may include some compasion and psychology and counselling skills.

So, here we were.. ready for things to proceed... and our watches showed 10 am... and still no sign... and hence, we assume the drill was over... then we were informed that BSP has a real FIRE break... he he he... we all went back to our dept to resume work.. half an hour later.. the drill continued... we started late... oh boy... its going to be a long day!

so first, i had to do the announcement... may i add, i did a great job :) the staffs loved my voice... ;) plus it was clear and concise... ;) he he he... 1 point for me...

then... we had our patients... the patients were slow to pour into our accident and emergency... we waited long... and when they arrived.,,, information as not easily attained... our 'people' at the A&E could not get proper info. they kept being given info like player 1, player 2, Dummy 11... BUT familys kept on asking for "amir" or "Joseph"... Its FRUSTRATING!

And then, the hospital staffs failed to get details of the patients.. like NAME, AGE, IC, Address, Contact number and more... its really annoying, since they SHOULD have done it anyways with ANY patients... its PROCEDURE!!!!!

But these are the problems... We managed to get 6 patients from 10:30pm till 1:30 pm. We even managed to keep track of them through out the hospital - which is an achievement. The "actresses" waiting for thier husbands to turn up were good... and one particular lady really gave us a hard time. Since she was unconsolable... I had to invite her to sit... hold her hand and shoulders... and tried to be sympathetic and understanding at the same time reassuring, There were one brief moment where i smiled because i knew i was doing good, she saw, and complained... all my efforts down the drain :P At the end of the drill, she came looking for me specifically... saying i have done great... he he he... another point for me...

But overall... it had been a good exercise... There are obvious areas for improvements, but we know better next time. Considering this is my first drill in BRUNEI DARUSSALAM, I have done BRILLIANTLY!

I rushed to Bandar Seri Begawan soon after the drill is over, as i have a meeting at 2, at Unit Pendidikan Khas (Special Education Unit). I did not want to miss this meeting as i have to represent patients in both Tutong and KB! It would a shame to miss them... They would have no voice... andi have a lot of questions about things they are doing... and support teachers/school is giving my patients particularly!

I have to say i was quite forceful with my ideas... I was clear with my needs and things that are lacking with support in school... I don't think they like it very much.... but such problems need to be addressed...

overall... both the morning and afternoon sessions went well... i have achieved much today :) and felt happy with what i have done... busy busy day :) but very fulfilling.... I felt I have accomplished a lot... I have not felt so vibrant in a long while...

'LOCKED IN' State

Today, I was re-referred a patient in the male medical ward. Previously, like a few days ago, he was sent to ICU - he started choking, unresponsive and his state was just deteriorating and hence was warrented to be moved for emergency procedures in ICU. While he was there, he was referred to me... I obviously rejected the referral as he was unresponsive and advised the doctors to re-refer when he is much better.

Today, mid-morning, the male medical ward called me up. He has been re-referred for a swallowing assessment. I asked the nurse who called if the patient is alert or drowsy... He was unable to answered and shifted the call to someone else. I suspect its a doctor, but he has never identified himself.

Anyways, I re-assured the man that I would visit the patient before the end of the day. I almost forgotten,but i went anyways, whilst all others went home.

Before assessing the patient, I took his medical file and started reading. BOY OH BOY.... I read 'LOCKED IN'... "BLINKING"... "YES AND NO"... COMMUNICATING.... my heart raced... Do you know what this means?

This was a normal man... had a stroke which resulted in him having physical impairments but able to communicate.... then he had an episode in the wards... sent off to ICU... got better and transfered back to the normal medical ward... and now... he is unable to say anything but able to understand... he is communicating to us using his eyes to say 'YES' and "NO'.... hence... he is a man... LOCKED inside himsef... I was excited...

Sadly, he was in a poor state... so I have to give him a few more days to recover before he is safe for a swallowing assessment and reliable communication skills assessments .. Shall i keep you all updated with his?

LOCKED IN people... do you understand this?? Sigh... I think this may be my first case in Brunei... LOCKED IN... how exciting!!!

"SOME OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FOR FREE"

1. Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

2. Who calls you back when you hang up on him.

3. Who wi! ll stay awake just to watch you sleep.

4. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.

5. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

6. Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

7. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares abo! ut you and how lucky he is to have you.

8. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."


From an email someone sent me...

pictures of some kids

I tried to post more pictures of Azra, Marsya and hannah but inda mau rotate nicely,... its so frustrating using apple ani.. skajap mau..skjap inda mau... sigh.. but i hope you enjoy them!

local vs abroad education... Staying Vs Moving... thinking aloud...

I was talking to a friend on MSN briefly when she asked me if i had been invited to an old high school friend's wedding. I informed her that i had known about it from my sister whom went to the local university with her and is a fellow teacher, but I wasn't invited... and I am not keen on wedding ceremonies anyways.. Plus I am in KB so i have many excuses..

But for this friend, they were good friends in high school... I seem to remember they were everywhere together... sat together... learnt together... occasionally eat togehter in the school canteen...

She felt sadden to be left out, and i know just the feeling... and hence advised her not to think too much into it... I have been through a lot of this experiences to learn that we should not think about such little things in to much detail.. Its depressing..

I studied away from home... where as most of my high school friends studied locally.. hence their bond only get stronger and stronger through the same experiences they share together... plus they have the comforts of numerous friends in their vicinity... For me... though some considered me lucky to have gained scholarship from the government not a lot of people have, one true disadvantage is the lost of friendships...

I mean, a lot of us do not feel it necessary to keep in touch with each other.. even writing slow mail is painful to most. At that time, internet was such a new thing.. not everyone has an email or acccess to internet... hence, that was not a means of communication...

When I was there, i only have a handful of local friends... and its not always easy to make friends with new people hence friends with the 'orang putih' were countable as well... (I meant REAL friends)... Where as, people who studied locally, they keep their relationships stronger... and know a lot of people since there is only one local university where everyone goes...

When I came back during summer or back for good, i realised that my friendship with my high school friends have been severed through distance, time and different experiences we all go through. The same goes to friends that are in the same distant country i was studying in... funny thing is I always felt that i have never been accepted and embraced... Its as if, i am a different breed, just because i studied out of the country,.. or that i do not seem to understand or grasp how the 'group' would like me to act in different social dos...

It was difficult to try and understand their conversation... or even try to know everyone in their social book as I do not know anyone... Try as i did, i still felt left behind...

Slowly and eventually, we lost touch... do not speak to each other... and forget about each other... Each are busy with each's life and work commitment and families,... its like we do not have time for each other... It saddens me... I really felt left out... for many years, the only friends i have are my work friends... and i can't talk to them about work! so i turn to my family... and family occasionally do not understand... so i learn to keep things to myself, and depend on myself, and brainstorm on my own, until recently, a few of my uni friends kept in touch... occasionally... life was so sad that i even email my lecturers sometimes for advice...

Life for me was really at a low... and then... one by one of my friends seems to be getting hitched... and i never seem to be invited or informed... and it was then... along with work problems, i hit an all time LOW...

But once you reach your bottom low, there is no where but to go up... and here I am... through invisible relationships with several, though not often but encouraging friends, family members as well as my Uni friends and flatmates... blogging helps..

I often thought, if i get such a bad treatment in my birth land, why bother staying... I have often though of going back 'home' - city where i studied.... but Home is home... and it can never change... Yes, things sucks much here... but it is home.. and most importantly, this is where my family is... not to mention my back loan!

so yes, even through harship, this is where i would be staying for a while... until....