I was talking to a friend on MSN briefly when she asked me if i had been invited to an old high school friend's wedding. I informed her that i had known about it from my sister whom went to the local university with her and is a fellow teacher, but I wasn't invited... and I am not keen on wedding ceremonies anyways.. Plus I am in KB so i have many excuses..
But for this friend, they were good friends in high school... I seem to remember they were everywhere together... sat together... learnt together... occasionally eat togehter in the school canteen...
She felt sadden to be left out, and i know just the feeling... and hence advised her not to think too much into it... I have been through a lot of this experiences to learn that we should not think about such little things in to much detail.. Its depressing..
I studied away from home... where as most of my high school friends studied locally.. hence their bond only get stronger and stronger through the same experiences they share together... plus they have the comforts of numerous friends in their vicinity... For me... though some considered me lucky to have gained scholarship from the government not a lot of people have, one true disadvantage is the lost of friendships...
I mean, a lot of us do not feel it necessary to keep in touch with each other.. even writing slow mail is painful to most. At that time, internet was such a new thing.. not everyone has an email or acccess to internet... hence, that was not a means of communication...
When I was there, i only have a handful of local friends... and its not always easy to make friends with new people hence friends with the 'orang putih' were countable as well... (I meant REAL friends)... Where as, people who studied locally, they keep their relationships stronger... and know a lot of people since there is only one local university where everyone goes...
When I came back during summer or back for good, i realised that my friendship with my high school friends have been severed through distance, time and different experiences we all go through. The same goes to friends that are in the same distant country i was studying in... funny thing is I always felt that i have never been accepted and embraced... Its as if, i am a different breed, just because i studied out of the country,.. or that i do not seem to understand or grasp how the 'group' would like me to act in different social dos...
It was difficult to try and understand their conversation... or even try to know everyone in their social book as I do not know anyone... Try as i did, i still felt left behind...
Slowly and eventually, we lost touch... do not speak to each other... and forget about each other... Each are busy with each's life and work commitment and families,... its like we do not have time for each other... It saddens me... I really felt left out... for many years, the only friends i have are my work friends... and i can't talk to them about work! so i turn to my family... and family occasionally do not understand... so i learn to keep things to myself, and depend on myself, and brainstorm on my own, until recently, a few of my uni friends kept in touch... occasionally... life was so sad that i even email my lecturers sometimes for advice...
Life for me was really at a low... and then... one by one of my friends seems to be getting hitched... and i never seem to be invited or informed... and it was then... along with work problems, i hit an all time LOW...
But once you reach your bottom low, there is no where but to go up... and here I am... through invisible relationships with several, though not often but encouraging friends, family members as well as my Uni friends and flatmates... blogging helps..
I often thought, if i get such a bad treatment in my birth land, why bother staying... I have often though of going back 'home' - city where i studied.... but Home is home... and it can never change... Yes, things sucks much here... but it is home.. and most importantly, this is where my family is... not to mention my back loan!
so yes, even through harship, this is where i would be staying for a while... until....
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5 comments:
M, It doesnt matter whether you studied locally or abroad. The band of friendship will stay true and endure time and space if you have genuine people you are proud to call your friends. Friends are our companions and conscience. Their friendship means something to you and you can grow as an individual as a result of a good friendship. Stick to those who treat and appreciate you well. As for the rest...they are losers...ditch them!!! You don't need a lot of superficial friends juz bcos you feel the need to be accepted!!! True friends tell you the truth, accept, appreciate, care and support you through thick or thin. These are what i called my kindred spirits and when you have friends like these -- keep, treasure and nuture the friendship. I think its enough!! "A person who says 'enough is enough' will always have enough!!!"
To sapa lagi.
That was the exact same 'advice' you gave me when I wrote you a snail mail all those years ago! And I have stuck by it =) Hehehe.. It's a gd one to hold on to.
And kaka... It's true isn't it? HUGS
Hey, that's really sad about what happened to our mutual friend. I am rather surprised about the lack of invitation, since I also remember them to be such close friends! :( But what's done is done, and as you said, it's best not to ponder on these things. As for the topic of studying locally or abroad, well, as sapa lagi said, it doesn't matter. Friends will remain friends regardless. I understand that spending more time with them and going through similar experiences can strengthen the bonds of friendship, but can that friendship be guaranteed to be true? It could also end up being a case of habit, sorry to say. One can just be used to hanging around someone. Something like that happened during my uni days, so I've now learned to recognise the difference. I'm guilty of not being in regular contact with whom I consider my close friends (you and our mutual friend included!) and for that I apologise, but it always amazes me that no matter how long we don't chat or see each other, I still have great trust in my close friends - it really makes me happy. This and of course my family are what keeps me going through the bad times! So don't sell yourself short, you are a great friend - dependable and trustworthy, funny, smart, etc - and I'm proud to call you MY friend! :)
hi kak, it doesnt really matter if u studied abroad or inda kak. Ive lost a few friends just because I didnt masuk ubd sama sama with them dulu. Some stop saying hi, some stop smiling altho we were very close masa MD. Ive lost a good friend masa form 6 just bcoz of A stupid guy. It will make u depress for a while...then u think, y bother? if they cant appreciate u enough, then just forget abt it.
I used to think i have lots of friends..even now, everywhere u go in brunei..ure bound to bump into ppl u call friends..but they are just FRIENDS.
Out of the many many ppl i call friend, I only have a handful of REAL FRIENDS whos with me when im in trouble, in need of a shoulder etc etc and who wont or didnt turn their back on me when im going down. I think these few ppl are way better than having to know a lot of ppl ;)
Germans accept me, because I am cool!! And my frens (malays and chinese) aren't that much because they simply don't like me. I don't really care, cause I got my band in Brunei and they matter the most, especially the lead guitarist and the bassist!! YEA!!
(^^)
(I am the rhythm guitarist btw)
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