I am officially sick - my head feels like a huge load of truck is sitting on it, and occasionally, an axe just hit it, my tummy throws up food and nutrition i try to ingest, the nose blocks my air and my voice is as rough as nails on a wooden slate!

I went to see a dr today, and without asking, i was offered a sick cert - shows you how sick i am. I even met an old friend, whom also commented on how 'wonderful' i looked.

I have been sick the 'whole' year more than i have been healthy. I had spoken to the 'girls' at work about reducing some of my workload. I saw unhappy faces, responses and these were expected but disappointing at the same time.

I think working and living had taken its toll on this obese body! 'It' is just tired and wants to give up!

It is so easy to give up and give in to dark feelings i have, always just there, but no one else can see it or feel it. Its harder and more effort full to just try and be strong, confident, wanting to move on, change, be happy, be positive ... very very hard. Unless you have been in a dark place, what you think you feel are nothing of that the real thing.

Today is my niece's birthday. Hannah turns 6 today. A big girl. Mummy is giving her a treat to a Japanese restaurant, one of her favourite food. Since i am unwell, and do not want to spread this viral disease, i decided to decline the invitation. but, i wish her all the best. and most importantly HAPPY BIRTHDAY! *wink* she has a birthday present from me.... some that has been waiting for a few months now :)