Recently, I found out that a lot of people i know patron this blog and actually READ... not browse through, but actually read... I freaked out.
I usually blog about things that are happening in my life.. or thoughts that are plaguing me, happy memories, things i want to express and more... and so I feel, sometimes i am rambling on topics that are passionate to me, but not everyone else feels the same...
I have a counter on the blog, and i often feel happy knowing and seeing that the number has increased and constantly changing... however, i always assume they are due to people that blog hopped that just happens to land on my page.... but... knowing someone you know is actually reading it, knowing how you think and click, know you more intimately... i wasn't sure about that.
i asked several people about my blog.... to find out if it is 'okay' to close down. Obviously, family members were not pleased with me.... calling me 'boring' however... a friend said, he patrons the page regularly.... and with this, he feels he knows and understands me better. He also said i have an element of 'truth' and that he likes my writing style... Another friend expressed a twinge of disappointment as she JUST discovered the blog by browsing through another's blog.
I wrote about this 'invasion' of thought and privacy as i tend to be very emotional, and personal with my entries. I thought the same way before as well.... in the initial stages... but at that time, i thought i would put in less 'personal' stuff.... i can't.... i like doing it like this :P
and so the question remains... do i close the blog down because i am afraid people "that knows me" think i am a 'freak' because i think differently, accuses and point fingers.... or do i dare to just plod on and express myself.
It is scary for me to think that people know me better because sometimes, i try to understand myself. Its also scary as i tend to be such a reserved person, only out of the shell with a few and still reserving the best just for me... but with this blog, i get to be more expressive, write more, profess more.... am i feeling that i no longer have the power to control the things people know about me? having less sense of power over myself??? does that makes sense? anyone understands?
Thinking back of the people i think i know are reading this blog.... it makes my skin curl... i shudder... not from fear.... but something else... uneasiness?
do tell me what you think.... Like i said to Adeline, a friend... i will sleep over it.... think more about it..... before i decide anything... help me think...
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2 comments:
The answer to your question is NO! NO! NO! Jangantah tutup yo blog.. it will be boring.
Ur blog is full of emotions!! From your blog i can tell if ure angry, sasak, happy, geram ati, relaxed, satisfied, etc etc etc.
Not alot of people are able to express themselves and make others 'feel' ur situation or feelings and a good example of that is me. I just continue rambling abt stuffs on my blog..even I get boring reading my blog..;p
It doesnt matter if ramai org read ur blog..they wont necessarily know you better, but they will surely understand the life and 'dramas' youre going through.. which is alright..:)
plus who knows, by reading your blog..some random ppl will be able to relate to your situation and understand it better..bla bla..
am i making sense? if not, pokok nya do not close down ur blog kaka...;p love u..;)
This is actually the first time I read your blog, was blog-hopping, n membaca ur entries. (n this is my second comment jua i think.. hehe)
Anyway, to close down a blog? heh. as cliche as it may sound, i felt the same way too, sometime last year, deleted my blog bcoz i freaked out, i didnt feel great after knowing ppl read my blog. (n then i wondered why i blog in the first place, why not just write in my own diary? hah. go figure).
but anyway. that didnt stop me from emerging to the blogosphere again. bcoz i couldnt stop writing. n even this year, sometimes i felt a tiny pang of regret of why i deleted my previous blog in the first place.
bcoz ... sometimes, u couldnt stop what it is that u like doing, in this case, blogging passionately.. and i realize, having ppl reading them or not, shouldnt really matter that much. (yes, privacy n stuffs) .. but the most i could do is .. never put my own pictures in my entries..
and the great thing about blogging is ... u write down ur thoughts, opinions, etc, to ease ur mind. and that helps kan? esp when we are alone.
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