eating alone

Lunching alone has been my daily routine since I moved to Kuala Belait a year ago. It started and was meant to be a temporary measure, but, it has been since, a more permanent part of living away from things you know.

I used to eat alone in the clinic because I could not find a lunch partner. Even if I do eat out with someone, it would be my uncle (like twice a year), friends from Bandar whom was on a visiting service for that day, or my Aunty Nor, whom happens to be in Kuala Belait with her CLMV GROUP of people.

In Tutong, nothing seemed to be the different. I still eat alone, while reading a magazine or a book. However, I do not eat in the clinic, I eat in the canteen. (When it is opened) I used to eat out with a friend whom used to work in the army based here, however, he has since moved, and I am back to eating alone.

Why do I eat alone? Its not that I enjoy eating alone... in fact, I used to hate eating alone, what more cooking for one. Sometimes I rather not eat or cook. However, I can’t starve myself just because I don’t feel it.

1. Often, I eat just because I have to. I do not go far from the hospital, opting to buy what ever food they have within the premises, despite the ‘erm’ taste to it. If I am eating alone... why drive all the way only to be your own company most time... I eat so I have energy for the afternoon session. I eat because I do not want to have gastric. I eat because munching sometimes gives me a bit of pleasure that is often unavailable when you don’t have any one to converse with.

2. The people in my working environment are mostly married ladies with their own family, or if they are single, they have an in filterable social circle. I find it hard to ‘mingle’ with them, as I suspect it may be difficult for them should they be in my shoes. However, I do know, I would bring people out for lunch rather than leave them behind, alone, and be miserable!

3. Like what Anthony is experiencing (referring to the blog title: are we that unfriendly) it is hard to make friends... even if I am local, eat the same food, speak the same language, and/or enjoy the same activity. Why is that?

4. Lunch used to be a time I spent with my friends or family members and exchange news of what had happened or what has been going on or what they are thinking. It’s a time we spent eating but also talking.... but me? I am left to be on my own, not that I do not enjoy some peace and quiet or is afraid of my own company... but... humans are designed to be communicative.... even monkeys eat in groups and ‘act’ accordingly!

I don’t feel sorry for myself... far from it... however, I would love some company... to talk to... give my brain a bit of an activity... give me the chance to interact with people whom are not patients or wants me to do work... but... someone whom would just talk, discuss things... or even just a friend to play board games with...

If I can’t find anyone to talk to till the end of this year... I wonder if I should seek a second job just to occupy myself...