Malay Wedding: An Introduction

Malay weddings are usually BIG EVENTS… the plural being used because you will know and find out when you read on… I try not to shock all readers… so this is warning one *wink* and it is a FAMILY event…. Family in caps because you’ll be surprised you have THAT much family members :) Like… where did they all mushroom from???

My knowledge about Malay weddings are an embarrassingly little… all I knew and remembered were of what I studied in school… and at the age of 8… that was VERY summarized :) and of course of what weddings I have attended… and that can be counted on one hand :P its not my type of scene… MOST times… for many reasons… but that is for another blog entry :)

I couldn’t very well ask my parents… they would think it is something funny or I was being funny and they won’t be pleased… and I can’t ask my older aunts or grandmother even if they are the best person to ask… they will be EXCITED even before they know what the information is for… and my whole family will be in uproar!!! I’m just not ready for that…. And the TEASING that will accompany it!!!! NO!!!

So… I resorted to asking friends with knowledge… and safe family members such as my sister and my aunt…. That will not JUMP to conclusions and not Celebrate before I finish my sentence :) SIGH…. The friend turned out to know less than I… and my family members proved themselves to be of short sweet temperament …

IN the end, I finally managed to get some information, with lots of guidance to stay on topic, from this lady that works in my department and of course from a married lady friend :) I got teased temporarily, but being insistent I get the information, they knew I meant business and not for ‘play play’.

In the end, I managed to get the events as below…. A note of warning/information to those new to malay weddings, there are great many variety of these ceremonies… and it all depends on where you originated from… whom you are going to marry… and of what status you are of… or that of your spouse to be… This is typical of weddings to be carried out in MY family… again, it may differ from my family to my best friend’s wedding (whom happens to be a Chinese, but lets pretend that she is Malay) even if she lives next door (which she doesn’t! :P) he he he… I hope I haven’t lost all my readers… so read on…

The list of events as they are supposed to be carried out traditionally are:
1. Berjarum-jarum / berisik-risik / bersuruh
2. Menghantar tanda bertunang
3. Menghantar berian 4. Mandi berbedak / berlulut (am)
5. Nikah
6. Masuk berbedak (pm)
7. Malam berpacar (pm)
8. Majlis bersanding (am)
9. Malam ambil-ambilan (pm)
10. Mulih 3 hari

Since this is only an introduction, I’ll not bother explaining what each ceremony means…. I’ll do that for every ceremony I am going to write about :) There will be an introduction to what the malay word / event means :) …. This is going to be exciting!!!!

In modern times, some prefer not to have the whole ceremony and just jump to event 5, which is the MOST important ritual of all… a clue…. Its equivalent to the “I do”…. But… NOT all can escape traditions and insistence of the older folks… Some are lucky that their elders agree to COMPRESS the events…. Others… may not be so lucky… (that probably includes me!!!)

A traditional malay wedding takes a lot of planning, effort and money…. And the events above are usually one day at a time…. But now… its common practice to combine events together to save money as well as time and effort… Examples: events 1 and 2 maybe be combined to one afternoon, instead of the usual 2 separate events… and events 5,8 and 9 celebrated on one day, while events 6 and 7 may be deleted or done in advance, usually the night before.

Weddings are tricky… and it usually may be of a sensitive issue… sigh… you either get family members working together or against each other… I am sure this is true in any culture that celebrates wedding GRANDLY as we do…

Keep checking out this space for elaboration on Event 1: berjarum-jarum / berisik-risik / bersuruh :) Its an interesting event… very funny indeed :P

NB: Pictures are to be supplied to increase and facilitate understanding… but only if permission are given by my friend(s) to be added into the BLOG… so keep those fingers crossed… Malay weddings are COLOURFUL… Brace yourself!!!