As promised, I am trying to re-write the account I have written earlier about menghangar tanda bertunang. The first attempt was said to be weak of the human spirit as compared to the introduction… so I am trying to live up to expectations!!! This may be a poor attempt as I am not feeling too well… and tomorrow is a working day… (Excuses you say... but it is all true!!!) BUT if I procrastinate… I won’t be moving this blog along :P and some had already said it had gone stale…. :( so much for support!!!!
I will be mixing some stuff together to avoid being repetitive… but so that we are clear… I will talk about event 2: menghantar tanda bertunang first and later, event 3: menghantar berian. In the texts below, I will mention which bits are similar!
Swiftly forward to the topic at hand…. Menghantar tanda bertunang is the next event in the FULL traditional Brunei Malay Wedding! Nowadays, event 1 (berjarum-jarum/besuruh/berisik-risik) and 2 (menghantar tanda bertunang) are mixed together, if both sides are prepared beforehand, and have agreed to combine the two events together.
He he he…. Vocabulary insert… Menghantar tanda bertunang means sending a token of your engagement to the bride to her place witnessed by her and your family members, according to culture and traditions. Religiously, you only need to give the bride-to-be, a token/symbol of you asking her hand in marriage, and that may be in the form of a ring.
Anyways…. my source told me, this event usually happens usually 2-3 months after the first one, traditionally. NB: It is important for all of my readers to understand that I am only describing the MOST Traditional Malay Wedding. Of course, normal weddings in Brunei are NOT like this most times, because the younger ones like simplicity as well as constraints of budget and time.
Usually, it would be attended by your close family members… and occasionally, your best of best friends… I have never attended such an event… No one seems to want me present, family or friends! :P The last person to get engaged were my own cousins… and I wasn’t there because I had to attend a stupid meeting at a VVIP’s place… sigh… but again.. It was no big loss…. I usually find it a boring place to be if you are of my age… People tend to ask you boring questions that you don’t have an answer to really… such as when is your turn… etc. It gets monotonous after several years!!!!
For both events mentioned above, (I know I am jumping... but it’s the same thing... I don’t really want to be repetitive, so I might as well let you know here!) It can be attended by more family members and children are usually welcomed to come and attend. Again, for this event, the groom’s family will have to travel to the bride’s house. (I personally think that it is unnecessary for children to be brought to such functions. They fret and they grumble… and it is torturous for them! Not to mention embarrassing to the families!) Again, spokesperson for both sides would be doing the talking on behalf of the bride’s and groom’s parents.
In ‘menghantar tanda bertunang’ the groom’s family would usually hand over some of what had been requested on the list given previously (see Event 1), to be given to the bride’s family for the BRIDE! At this stage, it is usually a small amount of money of B$200/100 (depending on how much you are capable of giving away!) and an engagement ring (Obviously chosen by the couple before all of these had started. If you are unfortunate, your engagement ring may have been selected/chosen by someone else and may not be of your taste… In this situation… I am not sure if you can return the ring without hurting feeling BIG TIME!!! He he he… so I suggest you get involved and minimize unwanted problems).
Some families give the opportunity for the groom’s mother to slip the engagement ring on the bride’s fingers. If the groom does not have a mum, it would be carried out by a respected, elder female in his family. This usually happens in the bride’s bedroom… hence the bride has to dress up (Any reason for girls to play dress up! I think brides usually wear something simple… but definitely not your everyday clothes… something you get your own tailor to create for you… but less spectacular… The idea is… You want to build this growth of beauty as the ceremony progresses… well… that is what’s told to me :P) The usual prayer and food and drinks marks the ending of any good ceremony… and this would be true in the 2nd and 3rd events.
The groom is not to be anywhere near this 2nd nor 3rd ceremonies… he DOES not need to be present…. In actually fact he is NOT to be present :) I say, that is a blessing in disguise!!!
Event 3: Menghantar berian
Menghantar berian means sending over of goods listed in the list given to the groom’s family in the first event. Goods are usually carried in these traditional trays called “gangsa” made of bronze. It’s a round tray with a short stump in the middle for its leg. Nice looking material is placed on it before lowering goods going to be given to the bride. Every material at this stage would indicate your status to others… Kind of like spelling your worthiness to marry the bride…
Some would not like this idea, saying it is a form of “showing OFF” to others… May be it is… BUT it is culture and tradition of the Brunei Malay Wedding. If you dislike the idea, you can always give the MINIMAL… like just the important stuff… (which I will elaborate on soon enough..)
Example of what may be included in the list are:
I will be mixing some stuff together to avoid being repetitive… but so that we are clear… I will talk about event 2: menghantar tanda bertunang first and later, event 3: menghantar berian. In the texts below, I will mention which bits are similar!
Swiftly forward to the topic at hand…. Menghantar tanda bertunang is the next event in the FULL traditional Brunei Malay Wedding! Nowadays, event 1 (berjarum-jarum/besuruh/berisik-risik) and 2 (menghantar tanda bertunang) are mixed together, if both sides are prepared beforehand, and have agreed to combine the two events together.
He he he…. Vocabulary insert… Menghantar tanda bertunang means sending a token of your engagement to the bride to her place witnessed by her and your family members, according to culture and traditions. Religiously, you only need to give the bride-to-be, a token/symbol of you asking her hand in marriage, and that may be in the form of a ring.
Anyways…. my source told me, this event usually happens usually 2-3 months after the first one, traditionally. NB: It is important for all of my readers to understand that I am only describing the MOST Traditional Malay Wedding. Of course, normal weddings in Brunei are NOT like this most times, because the younger ones like simplicity as well as constraints of budget and time.
Usually, it would be attended by your close family members… and occasionally, your best of best friends… I have never attended such an event… No one seems to want me present, family or friends! :P The last person to get engaged were my own cousins… and I wasn’t there because I had to attend a stupid meeting at a VVIP’s place… sigh… but again.. It was no big loss…. I usually find it a boring place to be if you are of my age… People tend to ask you boring questions that you don’t have an answer to really… such as when is your turn… etc. It gets monotonous after several years!!!!
For both events mentioned above, (I know I am jumping... but it’s the same thing... I don’t really want to be repetitive, so I might as well let you know here!) It can be attended by more family members and children are usually welcomed to come and attend. Again, for this event, the groom’s family will have to travel to the bride’s house. (I personally think that it is unnecessary for children to be brought to such functions. They fret and they grumble… and it is torturous for them! Not to mention embarrassing to the families!) Again, spokesperson for both sides would be doing the talking on behalf of the bride’s and groom’s parents.
In ‘menghantar tanda bertunang’ the groom’s family would usually hand over some of what had been requested on the list given previously (see Event 1), to be given to the bride’s family for the BRIDE! At this stage, it is usually a small amount of money of B$200/100 (depending on how much you are capable of giving away!) and an engagement ring (Obviously chosen by the couple before all of these had started. If you are unfortunate, your engagement ring may have been selected/chosen by someone else and may not be of your taste… In this situation… I am not sure if you can return the ring without hurting feeling BIG TIME!!! He he he… so I suggest you get involved and minimize unwanted problems).
Some families give the opportunity for the groom’s mother to slip the engagement ring on the bride’s fingers. If the groom does not have a mum, it would be carried out by a respected, elder female in his family. This usually happens in the bride’s bedroom… hence the bride has to dress up (Any reason for girls to play dress up! I think brides usually wear something simple… but definitely not your everyday clothes… something you get your own tailor to create for you… but less spectacular… The idea is… You want to build this growth of beauty as the ceremony progresses… well… that is what’s told to me :P) The usual prayer and food and drinks marks the ending of any good ceremony… and this would be true in the 2nd and 3rd events.
The groom is not to be anywhere near this 2nd nor 3rd ceremonies… he DOES not need to be present…. In actually fact he is NOT to be present :) I say, that is a blessing in disguise!!!
Event 3: Menghantar berian
Menghantar berian means sending over of goods listed in the list given to the groom’s family in the first event. Goods are usually carried in these traditional trays called “gangsa” made of bronze. It’s a round tray with a short stump in the middle for its leg. Nice looking material is placed on it before lowering goods going to be given to the bride. Every material at this stage would indicate your status to others… Kind of like spelling your worthiness to marry the bride…
Some would not like this idea, saying it is a form of “showing OFF” to others… May be it is… BUT it is culture and tradition of the Brunei Malay Wedding. If you dislike the idea, you can always give the MINIMAL… like just the important stuff… (which I will elaborate on soon enough..)
Example of what may be included in the list are:
Sirih junjung – this is usually an arrangement of this traditional, medicinal leaves. IT is VERY important for this to be present. My family would usually request for this.
Kain Jongsarat – this had been explained in Event 1. This is again is very important and would be requested from my family.
Jewlery – You only give if you are capable of giving this away. And this would usually be used by the bride in subsequent events after this. This is not necessarily requested from my family.
What you usually find in such events, the groom usually give away stuff such as clothes, materials/cloths, shoes and toiletries… These are called ‘Tanda kasih’ meaning… it is a sign of your love for your bride. It is not requested from the bride’s family but what you (the groom) can afford to give away to the bride as a sign of your love for her! Or what you can provide for her!!!
The gangsa is usually carried by young teenagers… but when you run out of young family members… the next good thing are the young adults, such as myself. Its kind of fun :P You get to be in the same car together with the others that are carrying the gangsa... Be interactive…. Its EXCITING!!! Moving together to unknown territory… all eyes on you... looking… anxious to see what you have brought…. Some family members believe that you need to have odd numbers of gangsa…. Maximum amounts of gangsa is usually 21… but sometimes, in this modern time, where people can afford more... they usually give away more! So… again… it all depends on the individuals…
Traditionally, the groom gives away stuff to the bride according to their abilities. Nowadays, it is a new tradition for the bride to retaliate the giving’s from the groom… The bride’s retaliation of the gangsa usually comes in the form of cooked dishes! (Lucky the groom’s family!!! They are usually given GORGEOUS food!!!)
When the exchange is complete… that is the end and is usually followed by prayers and food and drinks as usual… (food and drinks are usually stuff like curry and kelupis (glutinous rice wrapped and steamed in banana leaves) and drinks are coffee and tea).
I hope it has been clear :) and is much more an interesting account compared to the one beforehand. The next account is a bit confusing!!!! And is very long and tedious…. For the next one… I will look for some pictures to enhance learning for all…
Happy reading…. :)
PS: The Vet is said to come over to morrow and inspect the place.... I hope everything would be ok. Steel and Spider are doing very well. The others are doing great as well :)
1 comment:
steady jua vet datang ke rumah!!!
much better description =)
and i didn't know about sirih junjung? or watever it was... hmmm...
you forgot to mention that gangsa is HEAVY!!! hhhehe ;p
-fr-
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