update on the "locked-in" man

I was called back to review the 'locked-in' man a few weeks ago - sometime early January 2007. He looked the same from afar, but after talking to his nurses and his brother, i took note that he may be boderline 'locked-in'. However, having said that, he still has limited movements. BUT he is trying to move, which is unlikely 'locked-in'. Anyways, am i confusing you?

I had to assess him after maghrib the day after referral. During office hours, the wife was not there as she looked after the husband during the night. He is looked after his brother during the day, however, he does not interact with much with the patient. The patient, speaks well to his wife, and she is able to anticipate his needs. I opted to wait and see the wife, hence, after maghrib. During the day, wife looks after the house, and also as the 'driver' to her grandchildren, a chore patient used to carry out.

He communicates using blinking. one blink for 'yes' and two rapid blinks for 'no'. He is also able to count with his eyes... eg. one shut eye and blink is 'one' etc. I asked him a lot of closed ended questions, answerable with 'yes' and 'no' and they are 100% right. I also asked him questions that has choices and answers are very reliable. So i conclude he has understanding of his surroundings. He also understands language. I would like to perhaps do a communication assessment and see if he is able to communicate using an alphabet chart, however, this has not been request or ordered. Do you think i can just barge in and do it???

The doctors wanted to know if he is able to swallow, but, looking, observing and listening to his nurses, brother and wife, i knew the answer is NO. However, i had to do an assessment to record findings. He wasn't even able to tolerate his own saliva, choking on them. The patient himself has more sense... he knew he wasn't able to swallow and refused and was afraid of eating and drinking. Negative feedback from choking on his own saliva, i concluded.

On the brighter side, patient is able to understand jokes and had been heard to give off a loud vocalisation to indicate the 'funny-ness' of the joke. He is also able to open/close his mouth. He has several facial grimicaes, different ones indicating different needs. He also shown good progress in trying to move his limbs - move about an inch of his hands. These does not look much, but it is... considering we thought he could not. He is also lucky enough to have the love of his wife, children and grandchildren whom are always by his side.

Back to the darker side, family members are unaware, or perhaps aware but unable to dechiper the true and deep meaning of it all. They 'children' asked me if patient is able to perform Haj next year. He was supposedly going this year, but due to the stroke, had been postponed. How do you answer something like that... I told them to consult the doctors and therapists that are working with him currently.

As of that, he was again, put on review until the time where he would benefit from proper intervention from my services. How fair is life?

I am tired of not able to do things. I am tired of unable to do things. I am tired of my limitations. I am tired...

Azmal's wedding...

This happened on the same day Sabrina got engaged.. however, i was waiting for more news update from someone, however, he never got back to me. So... practically useless... so i will just have to show pictures and piece of information available to me... however... this is not meant to blacken anyone's names or repuation... just information sharing... and should not be used against me! in any way.

Azmal and wife's wedding reception was held in Orchid Garden's 8th floor. The food was nice... and friends of him attended. I was informed of the invitation via Yusri. Pictures of the people i know attending the ceremony are here. There are more pictures in yusri's friendster if any of you are interested.


I DECIDED TO EDIT THIS BIT OF THE BLOG...


The bride and groom looked happy on their reception. They looked welcomed and embraced by all that know them... so you know... there is 2 side to a story.. i just wish i knew what the other side is... silly me for trusting the other person would get the relevant information. (KEPOH - i know) However, it does leave a bad after taste knowing some one you know would do something like that... however not proven...

bystander effect...

As usual, its a holiday, and i drive myself back to bandar. I took my sweet time getting ready for the trip, like the normal clean the house routine first.. get my dirty laundry,... pack my things for tutong on monday and more... sigh... its tiring living like this.. anyways.. i was driving myself down by 2 pm.

As i was driving (taking my sweet time - only driving like 80-100 km/hr) i reached the beginning of the brunei-muara and tutong highway. leaving telisai, i entered the highway and i noticed an open fire on the highway, on my left. It was getting bigger, and honestly i think would get out of control and spread soon, because it was windy. the smoke from the fire was already travelling across the spance of the highway.

Anyways, being a good samaritan, i called the emergency line for the fire brigade, wanting to know if anyone had reported it, and guess what... no one had.

I gave my report, left my name and phone number also describing the where and how it is... What tick me off is that the fire had began a good few minutes before i came to the scene and no one reported it... When had the by stander effect started in Brunei?

In my first year of Uni, starting with psychology, we were given few lists of books to read.. and in one of the papers to be read was the by stander effect. It happened long long ago, in america i think... and someone happened to be mugged and murdered (I think) and no one did anything. people were just standing and watching... so that is the by stander effect.

And people believed that it happened in a society wehre people are focusing more on 'me' rather than 'us' or the community... Correct me when i am wrong because it has been 10 years..

so... are we that KIND now??? what's happening to us???

PS: a reminder to self... to write about update on locked-in syndrome, government professionals are unprofessionals, what is wrong with the system (fight with dad)... si awang kawin and unreliable source...

Sabrina's bertunang pictures

These are long over due pictures... I can't and didn't make any comments re: the pictures. So, just use your imagination. These are random pictures taken of the majlis.... before, during and after. There are other pictures, but i thought these are enough representation of the event.

Have fun...

PS: I have update re: the "locked-in" patient. Will blog about that soon....

have a good time everyone...

Love,
Meela :)

PPS: Any of you saw the golden awards? There is this girl... she won an award... her name is America something... June said, she looked a bit like me... she added.... i would look equaly beautiful if i work on it.... Thank June for the words of compliments :P Any of you think so? google her and tell me... I would love to hear from you all...

What i did on Sunday...

I went to Bandar on Saturday because i had a staff meeting. Andso, i stayed on Sunday and drove back to KB today. I usually like to stay in on Sundays or Fridays... If there is nothing to do.. or, if there is something to do, but it does not pleases me :P hahahaha... anyways... Sunday was good.

It started with annoyance... you know.. waking up early... and so i got up.. showered.. and waited for the others to be ready. We were having breakfast. Mummy, Elia, Nisah, Lalah and I went to CA Mohd in gadong. I had good food as requested by dearest sister,, baby. I had mee goreng ayam and tea tarik. Could not stuff anything more... maybe next week...

And then... i did not have plans... but we went to the mall and spent the day. First, we looked through the stalls for brooches that could be made into a clip. I only need one, so i do not mind if it is a but pricey, as long as i LOVE it enough. Have wanted one for a while now. Could not find any, so we moved on...

Went to the department store and stayed there for a while. I got a chinese new year door banner for the festive season amongst other things. Mummy went crazy as well... we put away out stuff to the car and proceed to have a massage. I went to have a hair cut di Alan Inspiration... but mummy only sat. It cost me $24. It was nice :)

Then... we decided to watch a movie... asked the others to join, but they have seen it before. Due to a poor review from kak Lin, Mummy and I decided not to watch it. and so... we proceed to have lunch... we had a good lunch....

there were people that i could not remember the names, but know the faces that smiled, waved and noded... and so i did the same.. :P

we wanted to go home after the mall... but we went to gadong to visit my grandmother instead. I stopped at First Emporium to get some rubber bands and bread. We had fun with the girls.. I bought them a colouring pad :P We were waiting for kak Lin and kak Meng for tea.. but they took their sweet time doing their chore... so we went to do something else..

Before going home, Mummy and i went to happy star. There i bought a lot of little cross stitching projects... maybe one of you can choose what you want when its done... alongside other junk...

We stopped over at Hua Ho Gadong that closes at 11 pm to get something for dad, but it was not there.... so we went home.

I went home to collect my stuff... and then, drove to Kak Lin because wanted to chat with Burt regarding some Bersatu matters. I'll be speaking to omummy rose tonight hopefully....

Anyways... I ended up doing some proof reading with aunty nor for kak lin :P hahaha... not so fun :) but thank god CSI was on... also Oprah :P

I almost could not get out of bed this morning... Lucky my patient was at 9 am instead of 8 ;)

okay now... this entry should last everyone for a week or two ;P ;)...

PS: I always kidnapped mum... once a month maybe to do this kind of things...
PPS: I forgot to mention that i bought 2 kains and a tudong for myself... and 2 kains for mummy :)

secrets?

I spoke to Burt.... a few weeks ago... and he said that i should try to have more secrets to just make myself a bit.. mysterious... alluring (I am not sure if he used the word... but I am sure he probably meant it as well if he remembers to use it)... and so... my question... why do we need secrets... and lots of it... especially heavily laden ones?

Early of this week, I chated with Frank... and... he too, said that secrets won't be such a bad thing. He even suggested that i probably keep some...

I don't know people... how many of you think that keeping a secret is essential to be a person...

i dig that many have secrets... and i have a few major secrets that i have never told anyone.. but shouldn't a person be generally secretless... like, open to others, so others can open to you...

I dunno... i somehow see a lot of secrets, and heavily laden ones as excess baggage... and its not something i would want to be dragged and pulled from one relation to the next...

Am i making sense here? I don't have silly secrets like what i had for dinner? How much i make? Whom i had a crush on? But i probably have personal secrets probably like health secrets etc.

This blog was made for myself initially, then introduced to friends... and it had always been honest... entries are all honest... yes.. it may be baring the soul a bit... but, don't you guys see it as a personality of mine???

I hope i am making sense... and someone sees this the same way i do...

What makes you happy...

I finished my annual report and had handed it in.. it felt good to have worked on it for a week, plus staying the night looking through it again and anaylsing the stats till 4 in the morning. I was listening to Kristal FM when i typing everything up.. and DJ KC was on... i still hate his fake accent.. but he cracked me up... hahaha.. how often do you hear me say that after dissing him for years! :P

Anyways, i finished the day feeling happy and started to pack for monday and my stay in bandar. I arrived home with an empty stomach and ate there. but something was amiss... i suddenly felt unhappy... sad...

i drove away... and went for a drive. listening to kristal again... and it was dean. I forgot he was working. Anyways, he was talking about what makes you happy.. and asking people to text in... even call him but nobody did.. but i did text...

Some were happy to be able to watch football, others with their family and loved ones, more were weird requests like seeing their car clean.

do you know what makes you happy? I had a long list last night and not all can be written or said out loud here in fear of something nad happening to me... you know, like the lack of freedom of speech (which is one thing that would make me 'happy') and all.. anyways.... things that would make me happy...

1. BUSH dies a horrible death.. or better yet, all his lies are known and AMERICA falls as a result. because of his own stupidity and revenge! and that they FEEL what it feels like to be on the other side.

2. Working conditions improves... more of listening to the grassroot rather than making decisions for us that would end up unappreciated.

3. dreaming and living less in a lie of pseudo good and safe life when your rights are violated and are actually living a lie! Everyone esle sees it but us - kind of denial

4. able to do what you want... sigh... like travel, sleep, eat, dress, etc.

sigh... mood swings... bad ones... i have it...

Its January 2007

Last night, i went to Fratini's with Uncle So Heng. I had the obvious... Pasta and pizza... and after an hour, we were done... then as we left the premisis, I saw someone from my past... and he recognizes me as well... Azri. From Ugama school and maths tuition.

Nothing exciting much has happened... just that I am working on finishing my annual report for kb and tutong. I am almost done, just have to analyse the stats bit... but I am also waiting for my 'boss' to email me last year's annual report to make a comparison.

Tomorrow, sabrina is getting engaged. and i am going - i hope.

The same night, Azmal is getting married. I have been invited. He aparently did a 'AZMAL'... 'stealing' someone away from someone else... oh well.. i hope they are happy... Have asked Azhan to do some digging!

And, on Saturday, E-song and family is coming back from Haj...

and soon after than, Amah is going for her cataract removal.

AND.. I have school planning meeting for the kids in KB and Tutong.

So much is happening... and i have so little time! sigh...

Can't wait for everyone to settle down.... and January to be over....

Who is Frank?

I only had two chats with Frank after 7 years of silence from both sides. And what this is, is an attempt to briefly summarise what "Frank" is , and what has changed. and so Frank, When you read this and find somethings unsuitable, please make a comments and set it right!

Let me first start and tell you all that Frank is Frank, and so, he may be called 'The' Frank, because he's the only Frank I know, and in turn the only one i have mentioned to all of you.

Frank, initially, was a stranger i met online some lonely christmas periods whilst a student in 1997. He was an operator in a chat room called 'Alamak' web based (and still working). As i was struggeling to get used to chatting and using symbols and shortforms in the chat room, i met Frank 'banned' who was nice enough to teach and occasionally answer questions.

So, from there on, it slowly blossomed. Soo from 1997-1999, we chatted almost on a daily basis. We chated about nothing serious most of the time... just wanting to chat about things.. or people sometimes. There were also periods of silence, for instance summer, when i went home and did not have internet acccess, or when i go on holidays during easter or mid-breaks.

But, Frank, being nice, and having ulterior motives at that time I wasn't aware of until recently, called me at different parts of the world. He used to call me several times whilst I was in Belgium at Bungu's. he also called me in Brunei when i started working - daddy picked up the phone! I was soooo scared! :P

Frank and I also have several friends in common, like Tag. He had kept in touch with them, unlike me... and it is very nice to know that i have made friends with all of them all these years and that we maintained to be friends... and i'd like it to happen til forever. They are nice people.

On to more personal details about Frank.

I am unsure of his full name. I don;t think i have asked this before. But he is Frank to me. He is danish, but he lives in Sweden with his children. (I didn't get the chance to ask if this is still the same) He is, currently, should have had enjoyed christmas with his family in Denmark, and with his Fiancee soon after.

Frank has 2 children, I have spoken to both of them. He has a daughter and a son. Both of them quite cute. I have seen them grow from these cute little things to this big things... teenagers.

And with that, he used to have a wife/partner. I have never asked which it is... It was kind of snooping at that time, i felt... but i'll ask when I'll see him online again.

Frank is recently engagged to this malaysian girl from Johor, Annie. She is a muslim, and hence, Frank is now learning to understand and find out what Islam is all about.

Our first two conversations was about conversion of faith... and many angry remarks and outbursts from me... any how... Frank was unmoved...

so... that is it... Frank in summary for all to enjoy... 'my' frank.

If you all have any questions, you can ask him. I'm sure he'll answer it as soon as he gets out of his 'holiday' season. If i know Frank, I know he is not able to be away from the internet for long ;) :P

I hope you like this brief summary Frank :) You're famous now :P

December...

December always means january is coming soon... and with that, it means, a new year is about to begin..

I had a rough year... not bad... just rough. It has been an emotional roller coaster, experiencing feelings i never thought i would have to go through again... but despite it, many good things happened to me this year as well...

Sometimes, when you count too much of your disappointments in life, you forget the little but frequent blessing you have! You also tend to forget how lucky you have been all these while, compared to another..

This december.. i have more things to be grateful for..

I was reunited with one of my oldest CHAT friend, dating back to my university life! And it all happened just a week ago. It happened just as both of us was online... and we started chatting as if the time and years have not passed us by... It was very nice to be able to chat to comeone just because... no expectationss.. no needs... not clingy... and its always friendly and CLEAN. His name is Frank.

Then, another friend from my recent past came back from his training. I had 'dinner' and a long chat with him last night. It is wonderful to have friends to chat with... and to catch up things with... The most wonderful thing is to be able to have normal conversation without the 'wierdness' of being away from each other after a while.

I also went on holiday, successfully with my parents... and managed to have a good time... It wasn't as bad as i expected it to be, but there were periods where i had to act as a peace keeper.. I hate it!

Decemember also means that i get to work half of the month. and it also signifies me being in Brunei for 7 years, 1 month, 10 days, 6 hours and 38 minutes, exactly as of now.

As a friend pointed out... i hope this good fortune, and sweet ride stays with the new year.

I would like to make several birthday wishes here...

A happy birthday goes to Wadi, who will be celebrating his birthday tomorrow...

and a special b'day greeting goes to my sister, baby, celebrating her bday on 31st December

and to all readers... happy new year... embrace time.. count your blessings...

back...

I am back ... however, can't blog... I promised to meet up with a friend...

The trip was interesting... plesant and not political.

What i learnt from this trip: BRUNEI IS CLEAN.

Do i want to do the trop again: Sure,... but i'll opt for better accomodations.

When is my next holiday: If all goes well, next year April-May.

Destination: Cambodia

Pictures?: YUP. about 500. will screen through them and post it on a different day...

do continue writing in the tag board... its quiet in my absence...

Christmas...

Yeah... Yeah... Its too early to celebrate christmas... I haven't lost it yet! ;) he he he....but I am afraid... I won't have the opportunity to greet people if i don't do it now....

Both of my parents and I, will be going on a holiday... just the 3 of us... somewhere around Sabah by car. and this expedition is the first i have embarked on since i was 13... and so... it is a bit exciting... BUT... DO pray we do not kill each other!! This holiday starts early SUNDAY morning, a few days away...

Due to this, I won't be blogging.. or unsure if i would be able to... I mean.. where can i get access? :P or would i be able to find time... or would i be too sick to write ;)

Anyways, pictures of things on the journey would be posted as soon as i figure things out... Just don't be too hopeful. I spin stories better :P (WISH: I always wanted a new camera, more powerful, faster shutter, wide screen, slim, light etc)

and because of this as well, i would be missing out on christmas as we would be making the journey back on that day..... and so... MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my christian readers and families out there...