PILLOWS!

The last time i bought pillows was when i was just starting out, as a foreign student in a foreign land! I had nothing with me except for a rice cooker, some instant noodels and some clothes (Of which my aunt thought was inappropriate and demanded we went shopping immediately!)

Needless to say, shopping for the first time with my aunt, was an experience as well as an adventure!!! It left me breathless... and quite frankly, left an unpleasant after taste!! (WE walked 5 miles.. and I carried ALL the shopping bags... i MEAN ALL... winter coat, jacket, jeans, pillows as well as duvets! not to mention the crokery we bought :P ha ha ha... its funny NOW!) It was some time before i start shopping again...

Anyways... the question then was... How do you choose your pillows??? I didn't know then.. and i DON'T know now!!! My existing pillows were the exact ones from my student days! Somehow... Its gone flat and flater as the years had gone by (ITS BEEN 9 YEARS!)... but i still LOVE them... they are just the SOFTEST pillows EVER!!! (its goose feather, grade A!)

I thought it would be better for me to get some new ones to help me sleep better... especially to look after my neck/trunk better... can't get sick all the time now... I dont have the time... nor the effort to keep looking after myself!!! So i decided to go shopping... I decided this since December 2004.... but it was only yesterday, after my trip to the hairdresser, my aunt decided to get some herself that we went and bought a pair for ourselves!!!

I was faced with the dilema of... "which one is the best?" All the pillows (MOST of them) were in plastic bags... How do you determine how nice they are??? And what to choose from?? Cotton? Fibre? feather? Grade A or C? Made in Japan or Germany? Countour pillow??? Hard as opposed to soft pillows??? ARRRGGGHHHH... I was going mad...

As i was certain I am decided... came the question of do you want to get simple pillows that needs dry cleaning... machine wash??? Dust free? Mite free? Bug free? The ones with warranty or not??? SIGH... I never knew it would and could be this stressful!!!

I was looking throught all their selection... I was wondering to myself... How am i going to decide... i looked around... I looked at the sales lady (best not to ask her i thought... she would not give good advice... she'll probably say everything is good!) and i looked at my aunt... i was going to give up when i thought of something!!!

Brilliant idea!!! i was over the moon... Why didn't i thought of that earlier??? I had two test... I am sure its fool-proof!!! First.. its the HUG test... If it is nice to hug... it gives you this nice comfortable feeling... its goes to the second round.... Plump-iness of the pillows IS important.. at least to me it is!!!

Second test... the head test... If it feels good on the head... comfortable... good support and does not swallow my head... it PASSED!!!

After both test had been administered... only two brands of pillows were left... one that costs me about $26, the other $37. Normally i would go for the cheaper version... but since i want my pillows to last another 9 years or more beforei have to go through this ordeal again... i decided on the expensive one...

Last night... I slept with my new pillows.... I HAD one of the best dreams EVER... :) I won't tell you or anyone... Someone told me once... if you tell your dreams to someone... it will not come true :) sigh... I do hope that dream comes true :) thanks to the comfortable pillows... and being surrounded by nice comfortable things around you makes an insomia sufferer SLEEP!

NB: To those that celebrate their birthdays on the 29th February... Many Best wishes :) I don't know any.. but one may be reading this! :P

Burt and I had dinner... MORE like supper... DIM SUM! YUM! YUM! and later we went around brunei to get some pictures of the sights :) These are some of the beautiful lights we have along Jalan Kiarong... at the traffic light, turn right and you are on your way to the hospital where i work! 

This gate/arch was built only recently... i think it was to comemorate something... the birthday of BSB?? Jublee Perak (silver jublee) of something??? I can't remember... *BLUSH* But the view is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!  

Upclose... Masjid Omar Ali Saifuddin.... One of the most beautiful mosque in Brunei and in south east asia region.... It was built during the reign of the current Sultan's father and is named after him... simply breath-taking... I'll take more pictures one day... 

This is a beautiful shot of Bandar Seri Begawan at night We don't always have lights... but since we celebrated our national day onlyu a few days back... its only tradition to light up the place! a sign of REJOYCE! As Burt pointed out to me very early this morning... Brunei is even more beautiful in July.... Sultan's Birthday!!!  

This is a picture of a bank in Bandar Seri Begawan (Brunei's CAPITAL CITY!) This used to be where my dad used to work... the munincipal department of Brunei before they moved it miles away... i like the way they do the fairy lights :P Plus... You get a glimpse of Brunei's flag! 

Since we took the picture at 1 AM.. or was it 2 am?? I am not very sure now... this is the best i can get of the 'Istana' - the palace the Sultan of Brunei resides. Nothing much, i know... but it gives you a glimpse of how fancy the grounds can be like... this is just the MAIN gate!!! That is the royal Crest of the Sultan of Brunei! and his palace is called, Istana Nurul Iman :) Its impressive... One day I'll get a better shot! 

Close up.. This is what fairy lights are made of and looks like... You really feel special under millions of these lights :) Just like in fairy-tale! 

Book review: Turning Thirty by Mike Gayle

First… Big thanks to Burt for lending me this book. I finished reading it in 1 day (less than 24 hours!) Thank god I had it… it kept me company while I was with my dad in the emergency room waiting our turn to see the doctor… and later… my company whilst my dad was asked to stay in the day ward... (the remainder of the night!) and… my good company while he was admitted in the hospital… At least I didn’t go mental waiting and doing nothing or starring into space… which I would have if I didn’t bring any book… TIP: Always bring a book to the hospital/banks/clinics!

I tell you what I got instead… The attending doctor thought I was turning 30!!! (I had to point out to him that reading different books does not mean you are that! I added I was a mere 27!!!) Politely OF COURSE :P and I WAS!!!! Really… he smiled!!!! I got weird glances from the people in the waiting room… There were several boys/men staring my way… but with a book titled “turning 30”… young men (STUPID ONES!) look and turn away!!! Why men are threaten by age or intelligence??? I CAN NEVER FIGURE THAT OUT!!!!!!!!

Brunei is TOO small… or is my family too big? Or my parents know a lot of people… either way… they stumbled onto a LOT of people in the emergency room (JUST MY LUCK!!!) and these people are naturally nosey… They can’t help it… and with a book like such… you are bound to attract attention… hence the topic of whom I was… my work… and my marital status became conversation topic!!!! I don’t mind so much… but when ‘strangers’ start to comment about me to stop being picky, choosy, to have kids… etc. I get a bit agitated… and grit my teeth and smile… I am NOT PLEASED!!! Who do they think they are to pass comment as such? What is it to them anyways? Why is it anyone’s business??? The lack of action in my private/love life is my own problem… unless I invite you in to discuss it!!! SHIT!!! Everyone thinks they know me and wants to do something…. BUG OFF!!!! MIND YOUR OWN BUSSINESS!!! I wonder what they would feel like if I pass comments on their marriage! Or lack of one... I dare say... they deserve it!

Alrigh… I have gone off tangent a bit… but it felt good to let go of steam *SMILE* the book… yeah… It was a great read… It was about this man who was turning 30 and he believes and convinces himself that life would be different… He would eventually find the perfect partner… get together… marry and start a family… as well as be happy in his job. (Like what all of us wants!) Interestingly, he almost had it, until his girlfriend and he broke the relationship up… It wasn’t working, they found…

He then went back to his country place… to find peace… to clear his mind… and to meet old friends… and unexpectedly, he found ‘LOVE’ only to lose it through his own doing!!! I totally relate to it… I mean… you don’t intentionally make mistakes… but some mistakes are easily apologized for… Others… once committed will forever be there, always nagging at the back of your mind, never leaving you even if you had apologized till you dry your tears!!! In other words… there was no turning back after the decision had been made…

I wanted a good ending for the man in the book… I wished things could and would work out even if he had made a mistake… I really wanted things to work out… because books were supposed to end happily… things always work out… (You want and are brain washed for all books; to me at least, to end with the ‘happily ever after’ effect!) Well… not this one to my great annoyance!!!

It did not worked out for him and his ‘LOVE’… I was devastated… I mean… if you can’t have dreams and books with fairy –tale ending… is there any hope for any of us??? ME especially!!!????

Sigh… he wasn’t bitter though… he pulled himself together… and plod on with life… He remained friends with friends from home… as well as on good terms with his ex-girlfriend (I like that!) ARRRRGGGHHH…. I had to re-read the book to make sure it ended like it did and I did not misunderstand any concepts in the book…. Sigh… after reading the second time... I was even more ANNOYED!!! Only because it did not end the way I want it to… but otherwise it was very realistic… sigh… a wake up call for me to realize life is not always rosy!!!

I went to read a different book after that… (similar concept – a single girl looking for love at an older age similar to mine!)… I was mid way in the book when work overwhelmed me… I am still to finish it… but it was funny… like “turning 30” was witty! I just hope it ends better…

On top of that… another friend just passed me a new book… its called “The World from Islam” by George Negus. It was reviewed by the friend to be a good read… I think it’ll take me a few months to finish it… BUT I intend to read every page and every word!!! I’ll leave you with some good bits from the book “Turning Thirty” by Mike Gayle:

“Bill Gates has a way with computers, Picasso had a way with a paintbrush… I have a way with the telephone. It’s my gift to the world.”

“Maybe, I thought, I should look at the world as it is, rather than how I want it to be. But no matter how hard I try to imagine it without them, no matter how I tried to guess what it would feel like to have a parent-shaped hole in my life, I couldn’t imagine a world without my mum and dad.”

“For your information, I didn’t email because I didn’t know what to say. I suppose random guys in bars are all part of the moving-on process. Part of me wants to be jealous. I suppose a lot of me. But the rest of me knows that this sort of thing has got to happen, hasn’t it?”

“The only problem I really had was loneliness.”

“The only thing in life that gets easier the older you get is the ability to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.”

Sapphire is the cat i had forgotten to include previously. She is a special cat; the only cat we now allow to be in the house. She is diabetic i think as she loves to drink water and insist it to be fresh all the time!!!! She likes to sleep in the middle of my BED!!! and roll herself all over it... she loves the out-doors and loves to be in the shade, either under the protection of the great big leaves, or near and in the orchid house!!! i can tell you more... but i think that is enough :) 

my working environment!!!!!!!!!

I was talking to a friend of mine over some hot drinks and a toast... It started innocently... but eventually we both talked about our work experiences.... I mean.. I don't have MUCH other than my student experiences in the UK and my now working experiences in Brunei (before as a student waiting for my results and NOW as a therapist!)

My friend had different working experiences... She worked both in Singapore and in Brunei in very different fields... when we talked and talked... we found out that its not much different!!!

GENERALLY, Big bosses are PAIN in the ARSE in Brunei or SINGAPORE!!! and work collegues can make your working life either HELL or tolarable!!!! WORK LOADS are always aplenty in our field of work!!! and WORK satisfaction is easily attainable with good collegues/environment.

I have told many people that i love the job i do... I used to dislike working with kids... but i LOVE most of them now... and even if i LIKE working with adults, i don't quite have the chance because of the increasing paediatric caseload... BUT generally, i love working and doing what i do... I'm self motivated!!! I'm passionate... and I LOVE my PATIENTS!!! I love that i am making a difference in people's lives... give them new found self-respect... increase their self esteem... and make them a confident contributor socially or in conversations without people making ROTTEN remarks or people noticing remarkable improvements!!! My patient's growth are my self-reward!!! Their success stories are MY success stories :)

AFTER working HARD... LONG... and continuously with different patients... always encouraging them to work more... always expecting THE BEST from them... always GIVING them something to work on to improve their skills.... the best REWARD of the day is when they say the magic work THANK YOU... or even a sincere smile... occasionally i am rewarded with HUGS and KISSES (EVEN if they are wet and sloppy!!) THAT just brightens my day :) The greatest feeling is of being appreciated AND THAT is the best motivator for me to work even more harder to work with them!!!

What BRINGS me down... that depresses me are the continouos working politics... (of which i am learning to turn a deaf ear and ignoring them now) I sincerely believe, with only 4 incredible ladies working the whole COUNTRY/STATE... the government/MINISTRY/DEPARTMENT should try to make us happy and KEEP us happy so they won't lose us!!! But instead... what do they do??? They turn a blind eye towards us, BOTH shut tightly... and they suddenly turn permamently DEAF on both ears!!!! Ignore our plea for better clinics/working conditions... as well as our plea of budget and many other stuff...

If THEY can't look after us (EVEN IF i love my job) you can't blame me to look elsewhere for something that offers me something better... better working condititions, better working environment, better management and DEFINATELY better pay.... BUT they do hold on to you, STRONGLY... refusing to let you go even if you have finish your BOND!!!!

I don't quite understand it.... They think they need us, but they won't help us make our lives better... but yet when we found something better that comes along... they refuse to let us go!!!??? Where is the fairness in all of these???

They demand that you give 150% in your work.. YET they FAIL to give you the budget to even get enough BOOKS to continue your professional education... and WE usually have to resort into our own pockets to get the necessary books to help ourselves and our patients!!!! I even DIG deeper to get "rewards" for my kids... as our "used-to rewards" had been stopped!!!!

They advocate continuous professional learning... and 'encourage' you to learn.. but THEY WILL not FUND you to join necessary seminars/lectures abroad!!!!! Even if they do give you the permission... its always LAST MINUTE... and that disrupts CLINICS.... can you imagine us calling our patients the day before their appointments appologising for cancelling because we have to due to unforseen circumstance... ITS EMBARASSING!!!!! and its UNEFFICIENT!!! its HORENDOUS!!!!

And when you are sent abroad... you usually have to fend for yourself as always... travelling allowance (for food and travel) are usually not given... its ALWAYS given after the trip. You are lucky if you get it after a few months... I ONLY got my travelling allowance a year plus after i RETURNED!!!! ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! and that was a sponsored trip... a company paid for the accomodation... and i WALKED MILES to the institute!!!

Its such things that gets to me that really WORK me up... not so much as the patients giving me a hard time... (i can deal with patients and reason with them...) but its the administration that was supposedly to help make your life easier and work alongside you that makes my blood boil and will the the death of me!!!!

Why do i stay you may wonder... I ask myself the same question... If it were not for my family and the commitments i have at home... i would GO AWAY as soon as my bond ended... But one have to be rational... i have my BANK LOAN... I have my HUGE family... my aging grandparents and parents... I would love to leave them and get on with my life... but turning a blind eye on them as my ADMINISTRATORS have on me... that is just like the pot calling the kettle black!!!!!

What is there for me in the future??? I dont dare think what is in store for me... what ever it may be, i PRAY, that i am STRONG enough to get through it without much cuts and bumps... and that i stay the lovely person i am... and not grow bitter by the moment....

Happy National Day to all :)

Dearest family and friends,...

Tomorrow is the infamous National Day of Brunei. That means public holiday (Yahoo!) It also means lots of fun to students and not so much fun for teachers that are working on that day... nor its much fun for people whom had to wait and be burnt under the scorching sun!!!! But.. I had fun when i was a student!!!

When i was a student far away from home... we never did have any celebration of the national day. Perhaps other places infected and swarmed by a lot of bruneians would have a get together... but in my city, with only 13 people living so far away and barely seeing one another (LUCKY to meet once a year!)... there was not much point... and i quite like being left alone!!!!

I would usually hum the national anthem for weeks prior the national day... and people would start looking at me... STARING would describe that better... I hum it in the loo, kitchen, or in the library... I often hum it when i am stressed ... (National day in February means lots of assignments to be completed before easter.... i would be usually stressed out!!!) Anyways... i hum it... but on the real day, i wake up especially early (like only 10 minutes earlier) have breakfast.... stand up, be still and SING the national anthem... I am patriotic... I did that for all the years i was abroad... :) Its like I did my part for and during my nation's national day!!!

Back in high school, I was part of the high-school team participating in the national day... we practiced lots of things.... and it used to mean no class... no need to learn... it also meant... i was gonna get really DARK!!!! (which i did.... a bit.... I don't brown THAT easy....) It was great fun :) For my friends (Iwent to an all girls high school), it meant the chance to see, oogle and talk to BOYS!!! I don't see why you have to... but they did... I still don't understand it....

Now that I am working, I sleep in *grin* I need REST to function better for the next few days of work, considering my leave will only be in April 2005!!!! Anyways... I have an excuese... I am driving to Kuala Belait for work on Thursday (24.02.2005).... I wonder if my patients would behave? Would they talk about national day? Should i teach them to sing the national anthem? he he he.... I am guilty of teaching a few of my kids the national anthem... most of them are hearing impaired... and i dare say... they are quite good at it... and they (and I) are impressed of their achievements... We sing most times before the start of our therapy sessions :) he he he.... why? I don't know... I enjoy it :P

So... the rest of you... enjoy National Day :) I know i would... and perhaps sing in bed and go back to sleep *wink*

This is Rebecca @ Becky.... She was only 3 months old when i got her from Tamu Tutong, after working the whole day in Kuala Belait several years ago... She already had 3 pregnancies, all normal but all her babies died.... The last litter was the strongest lasting a WEEK.... poor Becky.....  

This is me and Laura at the back of my residential house... you can see a bit of the cat's cage.... This was also taken and all the other pictures, after the vet had left.... He declared all of us HEALTHY and FIT... and NORMAL :) he he he.... I was obviously happy.... but at the same time... that night, i developed my FLU!!!! (well... sneezing the whole time the vet was visiting!!! :P Read SICK!!!!! for more information, if interested!) 

This is Frieskies..... He is a PLAYBOY!!!! All the females LOVE and ADORE him.... even i fall for him... such charm and lovely eyes... He is the grandfather of Laura.... This is where Laura gets her beautiful eyes!!! 

This is Button... She looks really nice and regal and everything but she is very particular.... She dislikes me and because of that... she is not particularly a favourite of mine even if i delievered her!!! Otherwise.. she is a nice cat... She likes ROSTIAH (the lady that looks after our animals when we go to work! Someone needs to do the grooming, playing and cleaning everyday!!!!) to some extent!!!

This is Gremlin... She used to have a better name but this one sticks... When her mum was in labour, my youngest sister helped delivered her :P she diagnosed her to have Cerebral palsy then... Lets all hope she is better with humans!!!!! 

This is Laura :) I LOVE laura :) he he he... But she is in the heat now... sigh.... I do hope she gets LAID finally... stop all the moaning and groaning.... its an earache to listen to!!!! 

This is Spider. He is the yongest of the lot. Spider is the son of Witch... and is brothers and sisters with Laura and Steel. He was recently ILL but as you can see... is doing VERY VERY well :) 

This is Steel. He is unique... all you have to do is just look at his eyes... Apparently... cats like this is hard of one ear... i forgotten which one... Thank god he lives with a Speech and Language Therapist... I empathise and work well with him *wink* 

I forgot this lady... She used to live with her husband... but her husband died recently... she is VERY sad... maybe depressed as well... so she lives next to the cats... they entertain her :) 

This is Sydney because he is from SYDNEY!!! he he he... He is such a sad sad cat.... but all the younger kittens/cats are his!!! VERY MALE!!! Sydney has asthma... and skin disease if you are wondering... He PURE Persian... so he should look better but is not!!!! 

This is Tasmania because she is from Tasmania :P She is the mother of Gremlin and Button. It is VERY difficult to get her PREGNANT!!!! can you blame the hot blooded -cats??? 

This is witch... that is her name... We were into Harry Potter when she was born :) he he he... and now... she is a real witch... we call her mama now :) Very tempremental :P 

This is Lucas. He must be about 3 years old.... He was very lonely, until his 'wife' came along.... I think, he almost went into depression being alone... Now that he has a wife.... its as if he is not letting her go... if you know what i mean... he is always at IT!!!! rain or shine.... post pregnancy or during pregancy.... Men are Men.... Humans or ANIMALS!!!! 

This is the oldest turtle we have 'alive' so far. He is an amazing 9 years old. Still small... and our lady that looks after him when we work claims that we are not buying him GOOD, Quality food!!! 

These are the youngest turtle we have at home.... They all live in this man made big blue tub... They are very happy in it... The bigger tutle of the two is almost 2 years old and the younger one a year younger :)

SICK!!!!!! :(

Yesterday i felt funny.... my throat was funny.... and by the time it was afternoon.... i was officially SICK!!! My voice had changed.... My head was definately gonna split into two... and i was SNEEZING away.... and needed WATER after every sentence so not to KILL my vocal cords!!

I have twins everys Tuesdays and i usually spend an hour with each twin... yesterday... I could only summon 30 mins per person... with breaks every 15 minutes... My throat was killing me... I even told the mum... she was very understanding.... FIRST time in a long long TIME... i went home early... at 4:15 pm!!!!!!

At home... I felt WORST!!!! Sneezing again.... feeling feverish.... snort everywhere... eyes painful and watery... and oh! my body... just aching everywhere you touch!!! Its horrible... I contemplated not going to work.... but i decided to sleep on it (WHICH i couldn't!!) and go to work... like see what happens....

Went to work... see my patients i had booked in the morning... then.. after i was done... i went to see the ENT doctor (my next door neighbour!) NB: i had a new voice patient i was supposed to interview and find out why she had problems with her voice... she found it funny that the therapist herself was having difficulties talking without stopping to drink her MILO every other sentence... :P he he he... overall.. it was a great interview... a very enigmatic local lady... you dont see that often... Looking forward to see her next week...

Anyways... went to see the doctor... and he pronounced me to have "Acute Pharyngitis"... I have been having this every time i am unwell... except the one in October 2004... that was called asmatic Cold or something.... According to him, the doctor, I have been socialising too much in a BIG group... or too tired and stressed out.. or all of the above... My theory is... my "KIDS" spread the love to me.... i need to put a poster up... STAY HOME IF YOU ARE UNWELL... WE DO NOT NEED YOUR LOVE!!!

Anyways... I was pronounced unfit to work as a speech therapist for 2 days... and was given time off work... i have difficulties cancelling my regular patients.... I feel for them.. I wouln't want anyone to cancell on me... especially if i am motivated to get well... and everything depends on this person to help and teach me... sigh.... but i did "postponed" their appointments to next week.. I am HOPING to be well soon!!!! (he he he... i got our CLERK to do the dirty JOB!!! he he he... i dont have the heart!!! he he he... and it usually cuts talking time short as well :P)

So... I will be back to work on Saturday.... (I am supposed to be in bed... I took all the pills given including something to make me sleep... BUT its not WORKING!!!)

Onto a different topic.... the vet came over yesterday.... and he checked all the cats... and pronounced them all healthy!!! he even liked the cage... and i was sooo worried that there may be something wrong... he made some suggestions... but overall.... check check check... and all the way.. i was sneezing like mad!!! even he was worried for me :(

TOOK pictures of all of them... but couldn't post them from my HELLO!!! I am having problems.. its lagging!!!! sigh... but i'll try and try again!

That's all for now folks.... pray hard for my health.... until next time....

Event 2: Menghantar tanda bertunang / Event 3: Menghantar berian

As promised, I am trying to re-write the account I have written earlier about menghangar tanda bertunang. The first attempt was said to be weak of the human spirit as compared to the introduction… so I am trying to live up to expectations!!! This may be a poor attempt as I am not feeling too well… and tomorrow is a working day… (Excuses you say... but it is all true!!!) BUT if I procrastinate… I won’t be moving this blog along :P and some had already said it had gone stale…. :( so much for support!!!!

I will be mixing some stuff together to avoid being repetitive… but so that we are clear… I will talk about event 2: menghantar tanda bertunang first and later, event 3: menghantar berian. In the texts below, I will mention which bits are similar!

Swiftly forward to the topic at hand…. Menghantar tanda bertunang is the next event in the FULL traditional Brunei Malay Wedding! Nowadays, event 1 (berjarum-jarum/besuruh/berisik-risik) and 2 (menghantar tanda bertunang) are mixed together, if both sides are prepared beforehand, and have agreed to combine the two events together.

He he he…. Vocabulary insert… Menghantar tanda bertunang means sending a token of your engagement to the bride to her place witnessed by her and your family members, according to culture and traditions. Religiously, you only need to give the bride-to-be, a token/symbol of you asking her hand in marriage, and that may be in the form of a ring.

Anyways…. my source told me, this event usually happens usually 2-3 months after the first one, traditionally. NB: It is important for all of my readers to understand that I am only describing the MOST Traditional Malay Wedding. Of course, normal weddings in Brunei are NOT like this most times, because the younger ones like simplicity as well as constraints of budget and time.

Usually, it would be attended by your close family members… and occasionally, your best of best friends… I have never attended such an event… No one seems to want me present, family or friends! :P The last person to get engaged were my own cousins… and I wasn’t there because I had to attend a stupid meeting at a VVIP’s place… sigh… but again.. It was no big loss…. I usually find it a boring place to be if you are of my age… People tend to ask you boring questions that you don’t have an answer to really… such as when is your turn… etc. It gets monotonous after several years!!!!

For both events mentioned above, (I know I am jumping... but it’s the same thing... I don’t really want to be repetitive, so I might as well let you know here!) It can be attended by more family members and children are usually welcomed to come and attend. Again, for this event, the groom’s family will have to travel to the bride’s house. (I personally think that it is unnecessary for children to be brought to such functions. They fret and they grumble… and it is torturous for them! Not to mention embarrassing to the families!) Again, spokesperson for both sides would be doing the talking on behalf of the bride’s and groom’s parents.

In ‘menghantar tanda bertunang’ the groom’s family would usually hand over some of what had been requested on the list given previously (see Event 1), to be given to the bride’s family for the BRIDE! At this stage, it is usually a small amount of money of B$200/100 (depending on how much you are capable of giving away!) and an engagement ring (Obviously chosen by the couple before all of these had started. If you are unfortunate, your engagement ring may have been selected/chosen by someone else and may not be of your taste… In this situation… I am not sure if you can return the ring without hurting feeling BIG TIME!!! He he he… so I suggest you get involved and minimize unwanted problems).

Some families give the opportunity for the groom’s mother to slip the engagement ring on the bride’s fingers. If the groom does not have a mum, it would be carried out by a respected, elder female in his family. This usually happens in the bride’s bedroom… hence the bride has to dress up (Any reason for girls to play dress up! I think brides usually wear something simple… but definitely not your everyday clothes… something you get your own tailor to create for you… but less spectacular… The idea is… You want to build this growth of beauty as the ceremony progresses… well… that is what’s told to me :P) The usual prayer and food and drinks marks the ending of any good ceremony… and this would be true in the 2nd and 3rd events.

The groom is not to be anywhere near this 2nd nor 3rd ceremonies… he DOES not need to be present…. In actually fact he is NOT to be present :) I say, that is a blessing in disguise!!!

Event 3: Menghantar berian

Menghantar berian means sending over of goods listed in the list given to the groom’s family in the first event. Goods are usually carried in these traditional trays called “gangsa” made of bronze. It’s a round tray with a short stump in the middle for its leg. Nice looking material is placed on it before lowering goods going to be given to the bride. Every material at this stage would indicate your status to others… Kind of like spelling your worthiness to marry the bride…

Some would not like this idea, saying it is a form of “showing OFF” to others… May be it is… BUT it is culture and tradition of the Brunei Malay Wedding. If you dislike the idea, you can always give the MINIMAL… like just the important stuff… (which I will elaborate on soon enough..)

Example of what may be included in the list are:

Sirih junjung – this is usually an arrangement of this traditional, medicinal leaves. IT is VERY important for this to be present. My family would usually request for this.

Kain Jongsarat – this had been explained in Event 1. This is again is very important and would be requested from my family.

Jewlery – You only give if you are capable of giving this away. And this would usually be used by the bride in subsequent events after this. This is not necessarily requested from my family.

What you usually find in such events, the groom usually give away stuff such as clothes, materials/cloths, shoes and toiletries… These are called ‘Tanda kasih’ meaning… it is a sign of your love for your bride. It is not requested from the bride’s family but what you (the groom) can afford to give away to the bride as a sign of your love for her! Or what you can provide for her!!!

The gangsa is usually carried by young teenagers… but when you run out of young family members… the next good thing are the young adults, such as myself. Its kind of fun :P You get to be in the same car together with the others that are carrying the gangsa... Be interactive…. Its EXCITING!!! Moving together to unknown territory… all eyes on you... looking… anxious to see what you have brought…. Some family members believe that you need to have odd numbers of gangsa…. Maximum amounts of gangsa is usually 21… but sometimes, in this modern time, where people can afford more... they usually give away more! So… again… it all depends on the individuals…

Traditionally, the groom gives away stuff to the bride according to their abilities. Nowadays, it is a new tradition for the bride to retaliate the giving’s from the groom… The bride’s retaliation of the gangsa usually comes in the form of cooked dishes! (Lucky the groom’s family!!! They are usually given GORGEOUS food!!!)

When the exchange is complete… that is the end and is usually followed by prayers and food and drinks as usual… (food and drinks are usually stuff like curry and kelupis (glutinous rice wrapped and steamed in banana leaves) and drinks are coffee and tea).

I hope it has been clear :) and is much more an interesting account compared to the one beforehand. The next account is a bit confusing!!!! And is very long and tedious…. For the next one… I will look for some pictures to enhance learning for all…

Happy reading…. :)

PS: The Vet is said to come over to morrow and inspect the place.... I hope everything would be ok. Steel and Spider are doing very well. The others are doing great as well :)

My Chinese New Year- 2005!!!

Yesterday, my family (my sisters and mum) and I, went to Temburong. The day before was my sister Elia's birthday. We celebrated the birthday amongst ourselves. We had the typical dinner where we enjoyed the food :) Elia was given the best birthday present ever, a massage pakage valid for the whole year! And it was at that dinner I was told I had to be home at my parents at 5 am sharp to get ready to drive to the borders as there would be a lot of people wanting to go across. NB: Temburong (where my grandfather, aka Akong, lives is separated by the neighbouring state, Sarawak) is where we wanted to go actually. So we had to drive throught Limbang, Sarawak to get to Temburong!

I am NOT a morning person, hence, that statement really made me almost wanting to CRY and NOT go to Temburong... But hey... the next day is still a holiday, so i made up my mind to WAKE UP and show them i can do it and be there on time!!!

I kept the alarm at 4... and i had 2.... as it turned out, i couldn't sleep very well because I was anxious to wake up on time :P he he he... when the first alarm did eventually went off, i was so relieved that i slamed it shut and went back to sleep hoping the second alarm would wake me up. THANK GOD my conscience was screaming to me to wake up... the second alarm did not work... and as i looked at my watch.. it was 4:30 am. I rushed down to switch on the water pump. Switched on my water heater. and Ran to the wardrobe deciding what to wear... RED!! find something RED!!!! and in my rush... i wore an unironed head scarf!!! ARGH!!! I dont do that!!! I must have been desprate!!!

I finished showering and put on my clothes (i wore dark jeans that looks like pants, a white t-shirt and a RED Cardigan!) I ran down to open the door and the gates and at the same time trying to be quiet as a mouse as the others are still asleep!!! IT WASN'T EASY!!!

I arrived at my parents 10 minutes late, thinking "I'm fried!". BUT... I felt strange as they have not been hounding me down... no phone calls... no punts that i was late... and no one was waiting for my arrival when i arrived! STRANGE.... so I called only to find out THEY have not woken up!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I was then summoned up!!! hmmm.... I was not pleased! But i let them carry on... It took them about 40 minutes to shower and feed themselves a BIT.... When we made a move to to the borders... guess what... we were not the only ones with the idea that an early bird catches the most worm! I dare say... the BIRD should have stayed in bed more... and catch more worm with an open mind and a different stategy! HMMMM.....

We waited almost 2 hours before we managed to get thought Brunei's and Malaysia's immigration posts. sigh... then the drive... we were again detained, waiting for the ferry to temburong.... When we finally arrived at Bangar (Tenburong's TOWN), we were famished that we stopped to eat before continuing to my Akong's. (HE lives like about 10 minutes away)

The Chinese New Year at my Akong is as usual interesting! we met our grandparents.... our aunts and uncles whom we have not met for year(s) until that day... and my little cousins that lived in Temburong whom i am shamefully responsible to admit are unknown to me... There are just too many of them... and one of me... THEY MUSHROOMed too often!!! i lost count!

Food as usual was GREAT. Chit chat amongst the cousins.... I always felt left out... I wan't young to be in the young and running group... I wasn't of the age to gossip about school and boys and examinations nor about teachers.... I was too young I feel to be talking to my aunts and uncles ONLY, and i wan't suitable to be talking to the married cousin of similar age... SIGH.... but overall... it was quite fun watching them... until i was so tired, i felt asleep :P Do you blame me??? I woke UP early :P

We left Temburong on a high... and with a promise on my mind... Next year... I am sleeping until 10 am before i even attempt to wake up and get ready to again celebrate Chinese New Year!!! :P

Last but not least... find time to check this out :P I got the idea from BURT!!! Quickly created my own as soon as i completed his quiz! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

PS: I am SOOO sorry babes.... We all left our cameras... At least i had an excuse.... but... we did take a picture... as soon as its available, it'll be posted here :P

This is Haziq. Azra's big brother. and Uncle Haziq to Hannah :) He has grown bigger since he had his "bersunat" he he he.... Kak Lin claims, his eyes gets smaller and soon will disapear if he continues to eat so much!!! :P  

This is Azra. She is my cousin.... YES... I have a young cousin... its a complicated family background.. but i have uncles and aunts similar age to mine :P if not younger... and my family is "typical" in family setting compared to other malay families in Brunei :P She is as big as Hannah, but is a year older. You won't believe it because she is TINY!!! She is also boisterous!!!