WOW!!!! This must have been one of my OLDEST picture I have... One of my first that i saved in to a a disk... I am so proud of me... Anyways... These were the ALAMAK chatters in Brunei. People whom i talked to when i missed home while abroad... Ali, in the red cap, is a dear friend of mine now! *wink* Check me out... Kurus and in a TUDONG way before... ha ha ha.... nothing GREAT had changed essentially! 

walking down memory lane to Summer of 1997

Its 1 am and i am still awake... I was just looking through some stuff and found some old disks so i decided to find out what i was all about before...

As i opened and stumbled onto different things i wrote about and saved, I stumbled onto the picture below, or is it above? Anyways, Its one of those rare pictures i have, that has me and Ali in it... and that must have been back in 1997!!! That's some years back!!!

I was an active chatter on ALAMAK before... The people i chatted with were all over the place, but essentially, they were BRUNEIANS... and that fact, made me less homesick... because they spoke to me in BAHASA MELAYU biasa :)

I am sure i have commented about me wearing a tudong... but yeah... funny how i do not remembered me to were one before... I suppose I have not changed, but changed into the old 'Meela' :) And check out the sports shoes... he he he... have always detested dainty female shoes... Why can't I wear those to work?! They are more comfortable... and you can run in it!!!

I still bump into a few of the people once in a while.... but the only person i really talk to now is just ALI... and we have a wonderful relationship :) I am the AUNTY to his daughter *wink*

This picture brings back memories... and memories... I have PLENTY!!!

Lazy Sunday...

This must have been one of my laziest sundays in a very long time! I did nothing! Called NO one... Read Nothing... Worked on nothing! Eat PLENTY!!! and watch DVD Plenty!!!!

I had a pleasant outing with friends last night... watched Miss Congeniality 2 at the mall with good friends. Later, we as usual, "LEPAK"... and talked about stuff... This time, we were picking on MUR!!! :) Poor man... I feel sorry for him... but quite annoyed as well... It took a lot of energy to control myself from biting and stranggggelling him!!!

Mur, like everyone of us, has a different outlook on life... He wants stuff... he gets stuff... he wants recognition, he gets it... and so forth... Mur is one of the sweetest soul I know... *hugs* I wish him only the very best in his life... Though I may not show it through my actions, nor when i talk about stuff... But deep inside, and spiritually... Wishing him all the very best that he deserves!

Last night as well, I met ZUL, after a very long long time. He had dissapeared in Singapore on a course he so says *wink* Its refreshing to see and talk to him again *wink* He was VERY VERY sweet and unnecessary in getting us little somethings... I got this beautiful brooch, with bronze base and colourful, attractive brown stones... I would have taken a picture, of which i would soon and post it, BUT the camera like my PC is having some problems... *sigh* I suppose all my belongings are FEMALES... or they act like one!!!

Many many thanks to Widz for helping Zul chosing the best present ever :) It was very thoughtful... THANKS! *HUGS* BTW, I saw both Zul and Widz in Borneo Buletin, and they were in colour!!! And dressed up as well... They looked gorgeous!!! I would have scanned the pics.. but i think you all get the picture of my situation right now!

I finally managed to watch some of the DVDs i bought several weeks ago with Yusri... I am yet to watch an Indian VCD from Wati... and several others from my cousin and other friends, which i have borrowed since Puasa 2004!!! I am waiting for my hols to do some serious lazing around!

The DVDs I watched were really good... They reduced me to tears, but not so much liked 'Fly me to Polaris' kind.... that i cried buckets!!! BUT.. they were moving, nonetheless... Stories about love, compassion, spirit, passion, will and pride... my kind of stories.... they also talked about soulmates (I'm a sucker for that!), destiny, fate... sigh... stories are deep... it brings you to a place where you have not been before... and teaches you something... dares you to open up... to see, listen and smell... it dares your soul, your heart and your brain! Despite the heavy rain, i continued on watching one movie after another...

Saturday was my last day of auditing... and Tomorrow, I am back to the real work world... seeing patients and making a difference :P I like auditing... my role in it is very clear... I know what i am supposed to do, how to do it and everything... there was nothing that hinders me... every role i was entrusted to do, i was able to fulfill... It feels good to be able to to your job well... unlike being a therapist... there were a lot of things going against you!!! *sigh* or so i feel :(

i better not end this entry with a sad note... after all... it is a lazy sunday, not a SAD sunday! I look forward to wroking on Monday... only because it brings me closer to my holidays :P As well as a brand new start to a new and exciting week... which, of course, it would be!

I am sad to hear of Panz's little baby's death... *hugs* I am very very sorry Panz... She was lucky to have you loved and cared for her...

This is the NEW look Azhan is sporting!!! Nothing VERY much different... still the same Azhan - same smile, same words, and same personality! Keep it that way i say ;) 

I was going to write about the time we (My friends and I) spent the weekend (well... a few hours) with Azhan, that had the chance to get out of boot camp for the weekend... I also took a picture... but since my PC is acting up... it will have to wait...

Nothing much has changed about our dearest Azhan... Still the smiley, quiet, astute when he wants to attitude... Nothing particularly had changed about him... Even the way he talks i noticed were the same... He uses the same fillers, same conversation starter etc... It was nice... I felt nice knowing he had remaind more or less the same... I am not good with massive sudden change!!!

We all promised to meet up for a movie - HITCH! The only persons missing were Farhan (KL), Zul (Singapore) and my sister (KL). IT WAS EXCELLENT!!! OH MY GOD!!! I was worried the people next to me would be bothered by my loud laugh.... but they weren't... they were laughing their pants off too :P I was sitting next to Haiza... and we both were really enjoying the movie... it was great... laughed at the same time, quiet at the same time...then....EXPLODE with laughter again :P We both thought the guy with the inhaler remineded us of a mutual friend... he he he... we were wondering if he would do the same or imagining him doing the same thing with his inhaler before a KISS! :P

We had pizza after the movie, where MUR, insisted to talk about the movie and how much he LOVED it... and how he learnt a thing or two etc :) Mur is such a sweetheart... Regardless the fact that he looked at me everytime he talks about girl-boy relationship, or how difficult it is for a boy to approach a girl (STILL LOOKING AT ME!)... One can't really get mad at him... I think I may have a soft spot for him... i have soft spots for some humans... and he is one of them... I wonder how i undo that ;)

Anyways... i really did have a good time that night... laughing away... talking away... smiling away.... thinking of Hitch! and bla bla bla :)

For a week, starting Monday, I had been auditing the hospital... I had been looking forward to it... because i find auditing easy and relaxing most times... its like working and having a break... I did have fun... i kind of missed it... I have until Saturday to enjoy it before returning to routine work...

A few days ago, a surgeon from next door dropped by for a chat.... i also have a soft spot for him... chat chat chat.... suddenly he asked for my age... and enquired about my status... ha ha ha... I never knew my status would evoke much interest in people... anyways... while chatting, he said he is Mr Hitch Brunei,... and promised in the best possible way to find someone for me.... sigh.... If he does,... this will be interesting!!!

a lot of things had happened in a fe short days.... but these are the ones i'll share :P hoping to write more next time...

PS: I know its not written with flair... but i will try harder next time! ;)

I won!!!

I won!!! I can’t believe it!!! YES!!! I WON!! You read it right!!! Never in my wildest dreams have I even dared to imagine such a thing to happen!!!

It was yesterday or so that Khairol (also known as Achoi to family members) contacted me to ask (more of tell) if I played bowling and if I wanted to join his team… I asked if he was desperate as I was not a GOOD bowler… “YES!” he said… so I agreed to it. Little did I know that I was playing for RIPAS Hospital, REPRESENTING the hospital!!! Sigh… I was quite stressed out… I’m such a LOUSY player!!! But I didn’t back out… all in good spirits of sportsmanship or something like that… anyways… I was out for good fun… and it was being paid for…

There were 4 in each team, and the people playing for the hospital were me, Achoi, Yusri and Ak. Hadi. I have never met Hadi before today, but Achoi reassured me he was a good player… so that settled some of my nerves!!! I was then worried that he may be BORING or DRAGGING… but he turned out to be cool!!! And an awesome player!!!

They guys played very very well… I played ok… (HORRIBLE TO THEM!!!) but they support me all the way… none of the “you should have done it like this…” none of the “tamparan malaikat” look after my ball failed to knock down pins!!!

For that… I cheered on the team… Everyone can imagine my cheerleading voice… It was awesome :) I was easily the loudest!!! Even louder when my team scored spare or STRIKE! We give each other high FIVE after every turn despite it being excellent or not! We had good high team spirit! Even when I hit LONGKANG several times, they kept on saying I can do better next time… or aim middle… or well done… good effort and so on.. I love the team!

Achoi kept on saying, we just need you to get some pins… just kick the pins… and no longkang :P Easy for him to say!!! And Yus said… keep playing… keep up the good work! WHAT good work!!! And Hadi said… Its all up to you now… MEELA! MEELA! Sigh…. Siapa pun stress lah! :P Kidding boys!

The guys were excellent players… scoring about Hadi-198, Yus-175, Achoi-120 and Meela-89 (Roughly best scored of each team member! :P)

We all played 3 games… First game, we were the FIRST!! Second game, we came in second… and third and last game, we were third :P he he he… I dare say… with practice, I can play better and I probably will be more useful to the team :P

We all left in high and good spirits… not knowing Hadi before, I look forward to see him around in the hospital now ;) he he he… well done and congratulations to all :P

Funny things that had happened:
1- Because I was too tired, as I was about to throw the ball… it slipped from my hand, and flew backwards instead… I received roars of laughters :P that lifted my spirits… :) I knocked down 7 pins… he he he
2- We were placed next to the LAB team… and they were a soild team, out to win… We were all quite nervous… then… HADI won a strike!!! I SCREAMED!!! He he he… they all went deaf... and it broke the ice between the teams :P We cheered each other :P After all... we are a family!

I am sure there were plenty more… but I just can’t remember :P a good time I had :P As Yusri and I were celebrating our victory with a well deserved dinner… I received a message from Azhan… he was released from the army training for the weekend!!! It was an excellent way to end the day… with promise for the friends to meet up for movies on Saturday… Looking forward to more good time :)

The RIPAS bowling team together :) 

Achoi... looking onto the score board anxiously... Where are we? The CEO wanted us to WIN! 

In red, Yus and I smiled for the camera :) 

While waiting for the results, we posed for the camera... From L to R; Effah (Audiologist), Achoi (Physiotherapist) and Me :) 

Hadi winning one of the two individual trophies he won and looking proud... and rightly so...Well done Hadi... 

The winning team that won 3rd place in the friendly tournament! From L to R: Yusri, Hadi, Achoi and Me :) 

The LAB team that won second place... They were cool competitors... all were handal!!! 

Yusri :) Having some action with the trophies. 

Achoi, the team leader, with the trophies... What a great team... 

Me and the GROUP Trophy and individual trophies won... 2 of the big ones belongs to Hadi :P for his individual effort! 

This is my individual TROPHY :) I am quite proud of it... This is TEAM effort :) It'll always have a special place in my heart :) and my room :P 

memories...

I am sitting here in front of my computer thinking of the next witty and funny event/incident/thing that had happened in my life recently… NOTHING!!! Life had been hectic as predicted and I am still surviving it… It hasn’t been overtly overwhelming! I suppose, under pressure, I work well, however, it is not how I desire to be in on a permanently basis.

As I was thinking about what had happened in my life recently, I got a mini flashback to what life had been before… my childhood. Everyone has similar childhood experiences, that is, the normal ones fortunate enough to have a normal childhood… Mine was interesting… and I remembered a lot and not a lot of people in my family believed I remembered all that much!!! Considering my first childhood memory I have is one of me with my grandfather at the age of 3!!!

When I was younger, I was surrounded by men that LOVED me very very much. I remembered how they doted on me… they played with me… toyed and baited me… braided my hair… brought me for car rides etc. I was very very secure until they all died… I felt… BEREFT! I suppose insecurities started early in life…

I have never been able to handle death very well… may it be humans or pets. I remembered having nightmares for years and years after the death of my loved ones… and when my first cat died… I didn’t go to school for a few days… It is not the fear of death that scared me (which I do, but we all will eventually die) but… it’s the feeling of being left… being alone… The person I love dearly had died and I felt… empty and sad…

One of my worst fears is to get really close and open myself up to people, enough to get hurt when they leave for what ever reasons there is… I had lots of friends in school… but I can’t seem to remember to have a BEST friend!!! I kind if of never believed in it… or the fear of being disappointed was great that I never attempted to have one…

As I grew older, I felt lonely to be so private, so I attempted to change myself… and I acquired several very good friends… and I thought 2 best friends… but… with people, you can’t seem to be so sure… they change, we change… and everything is out of balance and proportion… When I felt I have lost this friend, I felt completely out of sorts… I was very very sad… I couldn’t be consoled… I didn’t cry days on ends… and do what ever others do when they are in similar situations… I have much sense for that… I did my crying alone and privately… and always appear to be cool to others on the outside… I had confided in several good and close friends about this… It has been several years now… but it still hurts like HELL… and I really hate the feeling!

I have happy memories… like getting good grades in school; mission or religious… being teacher’s pet, being well liked by all in school or at home including peers and many more… The memories I treasure the most is when I am with my family… the rarity of us having a family day makes the memories even more precious… such as when we had a picnic/stay over at the Serasa beach, trip to Singapore in 1982, Thailand trip in 1990, road trip to Kucing, Sarawak in 1989 etc. The sweetest memories of all is my student days…

Walking down memory lane had been bitter-sweet… There had been heartaches, failures, but there had been great love and success that is yet to be conveyed in films… When someone asks me if I am given the opportunity to change anything in my past, would I and what would I change?? My answer would be NO, I don’t want to change anything in my past. It is colourful and I love it just the way it is, flawed and all… I have made mistakes and believe me there are PLENTY… small and major ones… but, through mistakes we learn to grow up… and mistakes are what makes up our memory banks to be sweet and more memorable!

If you can feel and see what I see and feel of what had happened to me in my past, you’ll smile, laugh and cry HARD… and you’ll understand how precious they are and however flawed, they are worth to be kept the way they are…

Becky and Lucas

This is to inform all that knows Becky and Lucas that they have left us and had gone to pet heaven... Becky had left us on 14th March 2005 and a day later, on 15th March 2005, Lucas joined her.

Specific reasons for cause of death for both are unknown... However, it is clear to see that Lucas loves Becky dearly and may have died of a heartache. Becky was brought to the vet a few hours earlier before her death... The vet said something about her internal organ in an 'uproar'. For both death, I was not around due to work duties....

Both had been burried and given a decent funeral in our back yard! Please pray with me for their safety where ever they move on to :(

For your information: My aunt told me, it will only get hotter as the week progressed... so keep your pets cool... feed fresh food... and give them WATER at frequent intervals!!!

Ideas

I had lots of ideas to write, but just not enough passion and time to write it in the flair I always do... Its going to be busy this month... like i said... interesting.... BUT I think i may have some free time in April :)

Anyways... I was gonna talk about my car problems and the stupid mechanics at the agent... and my brilliant friend that helped me understand that I am doing the right thing and offering the right places to go :P

I was also gonna write about the book fair i went and went mad :) I like, went there 3 times... and i would have gone again, if they hadn't closed already!!! I was furious to know they did a closing ceremony on Sunday and announced it in the news, but they are still opened on MONDAY!!! People in Brunei... i wonder how they deliver news!!!!

I was also gonna talk about the movies i have watched... such as HOSTAGE and ROBOT at the cinema.. and how interesting they were.... as well as this movie i watched on DVD called, Fly me to Polaris... it reduced me to tears!!! sigh... I love that movie... it made time FLY sooooo fast!!!! Also gonna talk about movies i am interested to watch such as Mr and Mrs Smith, Madagascar (I think!), bewitched, batman:the beginning, Starwars and many more... Its an interesting YEAR!!!

NEW FRIENDS: I met new people i have not meet in my life before (LAST WEEK!) it has been interesting :P Its friends of a friend... we chatted (NOT very flowy!) and looked at each other... and appear to enjoy one's company etc... It had been lovely... even watched BAKAT on RTB... and planned to watch it LIVE at the studio last saturday but was unable to due to some unforseen circumstance :P

The strangest thing that had happened to me is this: a friend texted me innocently innitially... but it got to be a serious text with him asking if i had been proposed before and my reaction to it. It went on to ask if i was ready for a relationship now... and what kind of character it would be like or something of that sort!! It was very very strange... but to anyone who knows me well.. i answered ALL questions without even realising anything FUNNY until I was caught in the middle of it with awe, shock and more suprise!!! SIGH!!! Typical of me!!

It kind of left me wondering... am i ready? what am i looking for?

Anyways... can't think of that kind of questionning... I have PLENTY of work to do... clinical stuff... as well as administration stuff... HOW i hate the administration stuff!!! ARGH!!! With my best buddy, Agnes, and collegue taking her sebatical, that leaves me kind of alone to man the fort!!! THAT would make life very intersting :P

Until then... i should really be sleeping so i can wake up early to open the clinic door... adios!!!

Happy Birthday Hannah!

Today is Hannah's birthday. She may talk like a five year old and think like a five year old BUT she is only 3 years old!!! This year's birthday is not celebrated in the big style like the previous years!!! That is because it would be celebrated with style in school with her friends *wink* sigh... i envy children that only have FUN!!!

We had a mini celebration today at Mc Donald's... with her favourite aunts and Nanas as well as her loyal family and friend-Azra! She has several birthday presents, one of which is this machine where she can play music like a jockey... and according to mum's text messages, she is enjoying very much!!!

I've posted some pictures from today with some witty messages... read on *wink*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH!!!

This 'tabung' is from Nenek Lin... Hmmm... I suppose the message is to start saving NOW!!! he he he... nice to be given the $$$ though... i wonder if that is enough to buy barney??? 

Check this out people... Me and Mak Uda :) 

Me and my wawa!!! Yum yum yum!!! FOOD!!! 

SIGH!!! Getting old is sure difficult!!! 

Some of the guest as Hannah's birthday bash... Azra and Nana Belle 

Cheek to cheek with my mum dearest! 

Hannah and two of her favourite ladies, Mak Uda (glasses) and Nenek Lin (in white) 

Birthday girl acting ayu with Nenek Lin 

YUCK!!! Hannah is in the LICKING mood.... Fortunately for her I won't drop her!!!! 

He he he... Is this their menu?? *wink* I wonder if they would let my mummy have it?? Hello? Mc Donalds? I would like.... :) 

Mc Donald's... You should find me to do an ad!!! I'm just so divine and irresistable!!! I'm cute as a button!!! 

Hmmm.... I wonder if the adults would let me lift this heavy ball by myself!? Looks like that are going to.. :(